I found my dad after 24 years

[elitesquad]

As the title says, I am 29, We have been texting and messaging on fb, he answered questions on why he wasn't in my life and it was basically what I suspected as I have no contact with my mum, we have been fb friends for a month but I saw him sharing crap like 'share if you agree' racist memes and images slating people in the same profession as my fiancé, I hid him from my feed so I wouldn't have to keep seeing them.

We spoke on the phone recently and mentioned meeting up and he randomly came out with "Well I have a few issues I have to sort out in court but everyone who knows me knows I'm a wronged man, some slag reckons I raped her but she was just jealous of my new partner" I was gobsmacked, by what he said and how he spoke, I kind of laughed it off (in shock) and ended the call stating my daughter needed me.

He text me for 2 days after, normal stuff and ignored him trying to process what he said and then I went on fb and blocked him, blocked his calls and texts so aibu? He could be innocent but I have this horrible gut feeling he's not and I feel so foolish, I was so excited to find him, I told all of work and my partner keeps asking after him and I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone, although blocked I can still see he has been trying to call me, I'm just so glad I didn't give him my address, am I overreacting?

It’s a difficult one because just because he’s your father it doesn’t mean that you should like him or want to get to know him. There may be a very good reason why you haven’t ever had anything to do with him. Having said that, I think it would be good to give him the opportunity to explain things. By being direct about why you’ve blocked him and changed your mind, you’re at least allowing him the chance to explain. He still won’t have your address so there’s probably nothing to lose.

I speak as the stbxw of the estranged parent who was wronged by the mother of his first child.

He's told you who he is.

Believe him.

Believe him.

(As in he's shown you who he is)

So sorry OP. I can imagine your disappointment after all these years. To find your dad and then discover he's racist would be difficult enough but then to hear that he has a rape case pending must have been devastating. You've done the right thing to block him. As others have said - he's shown you who he is. Believe him. You don't want this person in your life.

Steer clear - takes more than biology to be able to really claim the title 'dad'.

Thank you for your replies, I feel like I've taken the cowards way out by just blocking him, I don't need a dad, I've done fine without one but I needed to hear from someone I wasn't overreacting

Well done OP. Blocking him isn't cowardly - it's exactly the right response. Further conversation IRL or via social media would only result in more excuses, attempts to justify himself and, possibly, anger at you for not 'believing him'. You are right to protect yourself. You don't owe him anything.

Have you had any counselling about this? I know that children who have been adopted used to get some sort of counselling before searching for their birth parents in case they discovered they were not the character you may have hoped to find. This sounds like a slightly different situation and of course, social
Media now means searching for missing parents is so much easier. Try and get some real life support. A meeting might be easier to deal with rather than the side of ourselves we show on FB. But then again, it might be easier to stay NC. Good luck, look after yourself....

Speaking as an adopted person. Sometimes curiosity really does kill the cat. Please try and forget him.

OP, can you attend Court without anyone/him knowing ? just to get an understanding of exactly who he is rightly or wrongly, just an idea

If you know where he resides, you can look up the Court Rolls stating which cases will he heard and when. I'm in Scotland, I assume it's similar in England, you could check

I think the excitement and build up of the expectation we have of the parent we are to meet sometimes doesn't reflect who they are or who we'd like them to be. Similar thing happened to me. I did meet him, twice, however told him in a clear way why I was going to block him and not have anything to do with him. Never regretted it, never felt like I could have done more. His loss. Trust your gut is what I will say!