to ask for help during my degree?!

[hydration]

I am in such a mess.

I was brought up a perfectionist and had to gain good results throughout school. I was always a straight a student. I got my first class BSc degree a few years ago. I'm currently doing my masters and im finding my usual routine (of working 9am - 9pm every day on revision, assignments and research) is becoming such a burden to me. I am currently experiencing chest palpitations, I rarely eat during the day because I think that it is a waste of time. I feel extremely guilty when I'm not working, for example, when I commuting somewhere by foot. I HATE being like this. I always say to myself - "okay I'll work 9-5 Monday to Saturday and have Sunday off", but everyday it leads to a 12 hour study session. i have found myself cutting friends out of my life because i think socializing interferes with me doing work.

In my mind im not doing this to get a good mark - i honestly believe that this is the bare minimum needed to pass the degree. Even though others tell me to stop and that i will be just fine I have panic throughout the day - I can't sleep or function! I feel awful.

AIBU to ask for some kick up the arse tips or similar experiences?!

Unless you are doing a very unusual Master’s this is unnecessary. It sounds like you may need some mental health support. There be a free counselling service you can access through university, maybe that might be useful?

OP, please seek help. Does your university have a wellbeing service? Lots of places will, and will offer life coaching type wellbeing support or counselling.
I work in HE, have done for about 13 years and see this type of thing from students a lot. Putting a massive effort in is fine if it works for you and doesn’t put your health at risk, but you’re not fine and it is putting your health at risk.

I have a first degree, masters and PhD and the masters was the most difficult. The hours you are working are a bit excessive though. I used to do 9-6 six days a week having either Saturday or Sunday off and also played sport Wednesday pm.

This ^ re masters. I know friends who have done the LPC who have put themselves through this, and it didn’t work out well (this was one of the top 3 firm ones which you did in 6-9 mo)

I was very similar. My parents put HUGE amounts of pressure on me and nothing was good enough. As a result I put the bar so high that I always feel like a failure, despite having a good degree, good job, money, nice house, etc....etc.....You sound very self aware. You seem to understand why you are the way you are and have accepted it is an issue. This is a very positive sign. Now you need to make the change. That is more difficult as it means changing the way you think, feel and behave. If you can afford counselling , please go. I have found cognitive behavioural therapy useful. I would also suggest meditation to help calm yourself. Perhaps say a positive affirmation over and over again , eg “be kind to myself”

You also need to be rational. Not eating is stupid. You are an intelligent person. You know this. You need fuel for your body and mind. You won’t study properly without food.

In practical terms make a sensible timetable for study including breaks for rest and food. Share it with a friend who can sanity check it. Then try and follow it. Make it your new thing to succeed at if you have to. Just give yourself a break

@Seniorcitizen1 I'm finding it extremely intense - not so much difficult- just sooooo much to know in a short amount of time.

In my first degree I read around the subject because I was interested and wanted a First (being honest), and I would actually enjoy doing so. However with the Masters we are literally given everything told to know it, comment on it and come back to an exam after 6 weeks being there (EEEEK). I have a tendency to need to know almost everything about a topic others I feel I can't write in the exam.

I honestly feel throughout my education I have only achieved A*s/As and the First because of this overeffort and I am scared to stop and reveal that I am actually thick!

thanks to everyone else too - I am going to a mental health advisor next Monday (booked in 1st week of Sept!) to discuss but not sure what can be done to be honest - I am my own worst enemy.

I sometimes get like this with my teaching job but I know that it comes from anxiety not necessity so I think you need some strategies as your personality is creating this very hard way of doing challenging tasks like an MA. This will probably be how you approach other things in your life.So, get help now to make your life easier- it is an obsessive approach to your studies that is sapping all potential enjoyment from it. Help is out there.

Honestly, speak to your personal tutor and speak to wellbeing. I’m in a similar position with my own degree

Your self-worth is tied to your grades. Is that a fair statement? What would happen if you got a less than perfect grade?

Some imposter's syndrome going on possibly too. You are a hard worker and a completist to boot- you are your worst enemy but you can change and learn how to have a different interior memory.

dialogue not memory...

@redexpat

Yes all my self-worth is on my grades. I remember getting a mid 2:1 in one of my assignments at University and really crying about it and contemplated whether I was clever enough to continue.

I just feel so overwhelmed. I'm not sure I have ever really been intelligent, just a workaholic who is now being exposed for being a tryhard

You're overdoing it. Do you have any long-term plans after university? Any career plans? Do you want an academic job, where getting a distinction at master's level might matter if you want to progress? Do you do anything outside of studying? I've got top grades, a first and a distinction at master's level, and was very anxious about everything all the way through. It hasn't helped me in life generally, and I wish that I'd tackled my anxiety/self-worth feelings much earlier.