AIBU to ask what I can do to help me chill the fuck out?

[animallikeyou]

Hi!

I’m wondering if anyone has any advice. I made a mistake at work on Friday, it’s now sorted but I literally can’t relax or stop worrying about if I’ve made more.

My rational mind is telling me that it’s OK and just to take more care in future but I have spent the entire weekend worrying about it.

Does anyone else do this? I feel so wound up

It’s as though my anxiety is out of control.

For me it would be watching good comedy or binge watch a box set

Have you tried Citalopram? I'm pregnant so I'm off it now but I've never felt more "OK" in my life.

Sorry, that was really unclear. I never felt more normal and calm then when I was taking it.

Go for a long walk.

It's horrible. I made a fuck up a few weeks ago.

It might not be relevant depending on what you do and how yearly appraisals etc are done but I did a substantial piece of reflection on mine, I considered the root cause of the error, how it could be prevented from happening again, read about human factors and so on and then went through it with my manager. It really helped me feel better about things and more accepting that as humans we fuck up from time to time.

Headspace.com and the app are great, there are also apps with breathing exercises which I really recommend.

It’s fixed. Nobody died, nothing terrible happened. In the big scheme of things this is small.

Try and remember other small mistakes or problems you’ve made at work over the years. You will probably have to think hard as your memory no longer thinks they are important. Do they matter now? Did they have a lasting impact? No. And this one will join them shortly too.

We all make mistakes, it’s inevitable that occasionally we will mess up. Everyone does. It’s about how you fix them and move on.

However if this isn’t an isolated incident and you think your anxiety might taking over your life, it might be worth considering talking to your GP or looking into CBT to help.

I'm the same as you OP, I made a mistake at work a couple of weeks ago and was so anxious about it, waking up in the night berating myself for being such an idiot and not checking things properly.

The thing that helped me was talking to people about it. Everyone was really nice and reassuring that it was a minor mistake that anyone could make (probably not true but made me feel better!) and they told me about mistakes they'd made which helped. Everyone is human and makes mistakes, and it's good that you obviously care a lot which is why you worry. It's the people who don't worry about it (I'm looking at you politicians) who are a problem!

Sometimes the problems is in trying not to think about it.

So sit down for 10 minutes and really think about what happened. Maybe even write it down. Think about what happened and how you resolved it and anything you would do differently next time.

I find by actually dealing with things rather than trying to forget about them my anxiety is less.

Every time it pops up, firmly tell yourself that most problems are either fixable or forgivable, and you can deal with it if it happens.

Ha. I'm like this. A catastrophiser.

I generally try to be objective, look at the mistake and think "will it matter in a year?" and "can I do anything about it?".

If the answer is yes, then I'll plan how I'm going to get over it, e.g. make a plan to fix the mistake, ensure it doesn't happen again, and reassure my boss of that. Once the plan is made and I can't do any more, then I'll do something to take my mind off it (e.g. call a friend, watch a film - a gripping one ideally).

If the answer is no, then move straight to the call friend/film step.

How big a deal is it really?

Hi!

I haven’t tried it @roboticsealpup. For the most part I’m ‘OK’ but I’ve really felt myself spiralling this weekend.

@playingforkittens that’s a really good thing that you did there. I’ve been in this job six months and I have had nothing but praise but I’m only human. I have taken over someone else’s work load you see, as well as having my own and is difficult to know what has been done and what hasn’t.

Thank you @sparklesocks - I have taken medication before and completed CBT. I have a tendency to obsess, but I wonder if that’s just the way I am as when I was at school I would always panic about where my bus ticket was etc to the point where I would feel physically ill. I know it sounds mad...

Hi @anicelentilhotpot - I do care a lot, I’m lucky in that I have very supportive colleagues. I think I sometimes talk myself out of things, this job was a substantial pay rise from my last one in construction and I think I just don’t think I am worthy enough or deserving enough to be in this position.

Hi @mousethedog, yes that’s me too. I like to resolve things. I hate things being out of my control. I’m going to learn from this. I’m going to go in early tomorrow to make a list of where I need to allocate my focus this week.

Hi @birdsupinthesky - yup, I always think of the worst scenario. In some ways I think it’s just preparing myself for the worst outcome but with my anxiety it just spirals. I need to work on a more positive way of thinking. Hmm it does matter but not as much as I initially thought. I just need to take greater care, end of.

Thank you all so much for your suggestions and advise. Tomorrow is a new day and new week, let’s make it a good one. X