AIBU to be thinking of going away for a weekend all alone

[FamilyReferee]

I have been thinking recently of going away all by myself for a weekend. AIBU to do this? I do have a family, numerous animals, a child. But DH could look after it all for a weekend.

Pretty much I want to go away, as I am fed up of being the referee in the family. DH & DC are too much alike. Neither of them can seem to discuss things in a reasonable manner. DH gets grumpy and moody and swears. DC gets grumpy & moody & sulks/strops/whines. I can deal with them both individually, when it comes to me asking things of them or sorting things out. But when they have to deal with each other, neither of them seems capable of biting back words, or taking a deep breath before discussing reasonably. The behaviour of one sets the other off, and it all escalates. It usually ends up with DC in tears, and DH stomping round moodily, both complaining about the other. I do say to DH that he is supposed to be the grown up, and how can he expect DC to moderate their behaviour if he (as the adult) cannot. And I do ask DC to explain why they're having problems and ask for help, not just go off on one.

Don't get me wrong. My DH has been a pillar of support for me over the last couple of (very trying) years. He is hard working (stressful job - which is some of why he gets grumpy), combining a very difficult job with doing up our house (bought as a project) at weekends, plus helping with DC, and the normal stuff of life too. Also my DC is the kindest, most generous, hard working, funny child ever (approaching teens).

But when you put them together, it makes my life hell. When they get on, they get on amazingly, and have a lot of fun. But when they don't (which is often), I just feel like pulling my hair out. They are so similar, and they are driving me insane.

They've had a disagreement this morning, and I have had to sit them both down, lay down behavioural expectations (no swearing from DH, no raised voices, no moaning or whining, and everyone will listen to the other's point of view and then discuss), and then navigate a way forward. This has worked just fine, crisis averted. Until the next one.

But quite frankly, I am so fed up of it. I feel like the only adult in the house. I feel like I have two children. And I'd just like ONE weekend where no one was grumpy or had a big fall out. I'd like just one weekend where people said what their problem was and others listened and they found a suitable solution by reasonable discussion.

I've started to think how much I'd like to go away for a weekend and just have quiet. Leave them both at home to deal with each other. I'd like to spend a quiet weekend doing what I like, when I like, without having to step in like some kind of negotiator. Just some quiet time. I feel like I live in some kind of permanent ticking time bomb situation, and have to be on constant standby to diffuse the situation.

I have no family or close friends to turn to. I just feel constantly on edge and tense. It's got to the point where I've almost daydreamed about walking away and leaving them both to it. I wouldn't, obviously, I have responsibilities to my DC, and I'd miss them both (after a while - probably not initially!) terribly.

So AIBU to think about booking myself into a B&B or hotel for a weekend? Just have a quiet time. Some reading, sleeping, eating, walking - it sounds like bliss!

Will things not just blow up between your child and husband in your absence?

God no, we do it all the time. One parent heads for a hotel for 2 nights, the other stays at home and marshals the children. It's an excellent way of getting some head-space, and the OH starts to appreciate how much work is involved in running a family. MN wisdom decrees - get thee to a spa break!

Not at all, I do it once or twice a year and it’s fabulous. I have a baby who is bf this year (older one is 5) so I couldn’t truly go away alone, so I took him with me on a weekend break for 4 days. It was wonderful!

I think it sounds like a fine idea. I’m doing something similar next year - I’m going away for a couple of nights, to go to Yarnfest in Aberdeen. I might meet up with some friends there, but I am really looking forward to a weekend of indulging myself, doing exactly what I want, and using the hotel’s facilities.

I would love to do this but would dread returning to the same shit. In a way it's easier for me to keep ploughing on, because I know if I had a taste of that heavenly freedom, it would be all the more hideous to come home again. But, sounds great OP!

I go for a weekend walking by myself every spring. It's bliss.

they are lucky to have you to put a bit of sanity into the system. my dh and dd are also very similar: gifted, high strung perfectionists with a huge heart and an insatiable appetite for company and attention. sensitive types with a short fuse. they often clash and need me to intervene.
me and DH have talked about how its an opportunity for us parents to work through our issues when we see them in our kids. for example they both are working at their anger management. my job is often to help DH understand that she isnt relieving his childhood drama/trauma and that he can relax a little and let her mess up a little as a lot of the clashes stem from him trying to stop her from making mistakes he made, in a very heavy handed and a bit hysterical way. thats how i see it anyway maybe there are paralells to ur situation. i like to remind myself and dh also that traits that are diffixlcult in childhood can be very rewarding when honed in adulthood, and with your DH you get a sneak peek at whats possible for your DC too!
and about the weekend away: what a great idea! do it! i wish i could too, sounds like perfect bliss irrespective of the stress at home!