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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for help with depression

10 replies

thefuckingmincepies · 18/11/2018 12:58

I am sinking horribly and I’m actually scared by how unhappy I am.

I just can’t seem to get on with medication: the side effects are horrific and render me completely useless the next day and I work full time and work is the only thing I feel is going reasonably well: the rest of my life is just falling apart Sad

Perhaps I’m not even depressed but just anxious and sad about life and the future.

Can anybody help?

OP posts:
MakeMineALarge1 · 18/11/2018 12:59

I wish I could help, I am genuinely struggling to help my own daughter and I can't.

I hope someone comes along soon to offer you some advice and help. xx

Yolon · 18/11/2018 13:03

I feel exactly the same way you do I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago and five days ago I got engaged and today my fiance wants to break up feeling so angry depressed and hurt advice pls don't know what to do or where to turn

sosmooth · 18/11/2018 13:14

i recently have just come out of a rather dark time in my life and I tried everything.
I was put on vitamin d and b12 supplements during the last 2 months and started walking a lot more and taking time to do what I wanted.
I'm not saying vitamins and exercise Will cure it and I cant say for sure how I've managed to come out of it because I was so low I was self harming but citalopram made me feel awful and now eventually I'm beginning to feel like myself again.
Try Vitamin D spray and B12 and along with other things that I'm sure someone else will come along and advise, you should start to feel better.
Different things work for different people.

sosmooth · 18/11/2018 13:17

Try a whole bunch of things and don't give up, you will come out the other side.
I'm still working on my anxiety, it's really really bad in social situations but at least I'm feeling happier now and not like I'm stuck down a black hole and can't get out.
It's horrible bring in that fog but there's always a way out.
Maybe also ask your Dr for different medication, I did ask for something different to citalopram but my GP told me that if I couldn't get on with citalopram then others probably wouldn't work either.

CSIblonde · 18/11/2018 13:26

CBT for Dummies is my depression bible whenever I'm sinking. It gives you coping strategies and how to deal with negative thoughts & catastrophising. It's helped me massively as spiralling down, you panic & lose perspective. It helps me feel im regaining control & this is just another blip that I'll manage & learn from.

bumblenbean · 18/11/2018 13:30

Definitely ask your doc for advice on trying a different medication. Some are much more effective than others for certain people and some have fewer side effects.

It’s so hard when everything feels so bleak. Personally all that really helps when I feel really bad is to hang onto the fact that it will get better and just to take each day hour by hour. Try to ‘achieve’ one thing each day, even if it’s just doing a load of washing, going for a walk, calling a friend etc. Don’t push yourself too much and be kind to yourself. Exercise helps some people, if you can face it.

Wishing you well, and remember you’re not Alone in this Flowers

hailstone1 · 18/11/2018 18:01

Depression is so hard to recover from. It's good that you've recognised that you're ill. Medication can be difficult to balance and can make you feel worse to start with. One one occasion it was the best thing for me. I had a relapse about a year later and it's the worse thing I could have taken. Talk honestly with your doctor to help find the right one.
Can you contact iapt and self refer for help? It's how I got CBT and occupational health got me counselling.
Can you get a blood test to make sure you have no vitamin deficiencies?
Take it easy and be kind to yourself. This time of year is hard. Caffeine and alcohol can make you feel worse so cutting back on those might help?
Recovery is a very personal journey and I wish you all the best xx

bridgetreilly · 18/11/2018 18:15

anxious and sad about life and the future.

Sounds like depression to me. Talk to your doctor again about medication - often the side effects only last for the first couple of weeks AND it's perfectly reasonable to take time off work if you're ill with them. You do not have to live with this.

AnoukSpirit · 18/11/2018 20:06

Have you been tried on any other kind of medication? There are different families of drugs that work in different ways and have different side effects. Different people respond differently too. Depending one what you're on there may also be slow release versions which can soften any side effects.

Have you had any other support? Counselling or CBT through IAPT?

If you google "centre for clinical interventions" (CCI) there are lots of free CBT modules on different topics you can look through. You could pick an area that your struggling with and have a little look through to see if there are things you could start to implement. I always find the way they're split into little modules for each topic helpful as it means you don't get overwhelmed by lots and lots of information or tasks to try. You can just read an intro and go away and ponder it for a while, or try one exercise.

It's great that you have work and feel positive about it, so I absolutely understand why you don't want that to be compromised.

Do you think it would help at all to feel you had options and/or a bit of control over things?

This was just me, so if it's not helpful disregard it, but I found it helpful to use work as my place where I tested out CBT and started tweaking some of the things in my life that were making me so unhappy. Would that be possible for you?

Having places where you can open up about how unhappy you are without having to put a positive spin on it is important. Mind run Elefriends if you want somewhere you can get support from other people going through similar things. I found it a great comfort for a long time. Elefriends.org

You can email samaritans - [email protected]. I usually find it easier and more hopeful than calling, although you can call too 116 123. You don't have to be suicidal to talk to them.

One other thing I started was making a list of all the things that interested me or I'd ever wondered about trying, and then spent time just looking up local events. I ended up trying lots of random stuff that sounded interesting, and over time I started to feel more confident and learnt how to keep my anxiety in check. Some of them I loved, some were mildly enjoyable, some were interesting, some were a bit dull.

It took my mind off worrying about the future and having a grand plan for it. It was easier to just have some nice experiences in my life.

Do you have anything like that you could try? I looked at community events, charities, adult learning courses and open evenings, leisure centre... Anything I could think of. Then picked the ones that appealed and I could do.

If it sounds intimidating, the "trick" I used was to tell myself I just had to sign up and then if that was all I managed I would recognise that was an achievement instead of beating myself up. Then once I'd signed up I'd tell myself, that if all I could do was get to the venue then that was enough bravery and I would be proud of myself. Then once I got there I'd tell myself if I wanted to leave as soon as I got inside I could.

Which meant I usually ended up going and staying and enjoying myself, because I had given myself permission to leave if it was too much and I knew I was not going to give myself a hard time for it. Small stuff like that can really help.

If that sounds like too much could you just set up s little diary planner for yourself scheduling out your day and the things you have to do (like getting ready for work, travelling, working, home, dinner, etc) and then find some time spots to plan a few extra nice things this week? Going for a short walk or watching your favourite film or something like that?

Then gradually build up the extras you're planning for yourself each week as it gets a bit easier?

And/or keep a little notebook where you jot down at the end of the day all the things you've achieved today. By which I mean all the things you struggled with but tried anyway. If it's been a really rough day it might just be managing to get out of bed and get through the day, on other days it might be small things you did that were hard but you were glad you finished.

It can help to see you're getting things done.

If holding everything in your head is too much it can help to see your week planned out. When I'm really struggling I have a week planner notepad where I write down everything that's coming up and that I'm worrying about remembering or fitting in, and then I tick it off as I get through it. Stops me worrying so much, eases the eight of things I feel like I'm carrying, and makes it feel less insurmountable, especially once you see you are getting through it.

These are just things that have helped me. If they don't sound right for you, ignore them. But there will be things out there that will help you, so please don't despair completely or feel like you're alone. You're really not. Take care Flowers

AnoukSpirit · 18/11/2018 20:07

Here is the link: www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself

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