What's your hobby? Scraping poo and soaking knickers..

[AutumnalFeelings]

...AIBU to give this answer if I'm ever asked, as it seems to be all I ever bloody do?

So stuck with DD (3.5). Potty trained her 6 months ago, tried loads before but she just didn't get it. That time she got it quickly weewise, and was also dry at night pretty much straight away. All good.

But the poos - my god the poos. I can count on one hand the amount of times she's done a poo in the toilet in the past 6 months, and they've all seemed to be by accident (as in she's going for a wee and a poo comes out). Not even had that for over a month.

I've done everything I can, I think. Lots of praise and encouragement, bribery (sweets), reward charts, not showing any annoyance when she poos.

Had her parents evening the other week, all great except the pooing - her keyworker seemed pretty annoyed. I get it, it's not a nice job but I'm just not sure what else I can do. She suggested a sticker chart for nursery. So I made one, with a reward she really wanted for 10 poos. She gets it, was excited etc. Duly take it to and fro nursery every day - still no stickers.

They suggested more fruit, as her poos are sometimes quite hard (though she never seems in pain - they're more just fully formed). So I give her a smoothie every day. This has done nothing but made the clean ups worse

Nothing works. And now, I'm worried she's got a complex re it as she's heard me discuss it with her teachers. As before she would sit on the toilet and try, really eager to go so she got a treat - but now she seems scared of it. not sure if one of her nursery friends has said something but she sometimes gets upset after saying 'I am a big girl - I'm not a baby'. I've never said anything like this to her BTW. Feel sad for her, she's started to get quite distressed.

I've thought of going to the GP but seems silly. Not sure who else to ask or what else to try? I'm thinking about school - I know it's 10 months away but there has been absolutely no improvement in 6 months. Her dad and my family just say to give it time but if anything it seems to be getting worse (as in it's an increasingly big deal in her head).

Sorry for that epic tale! I'm praying for any advice anybody can give me, or if somebody could tell me who to contact for more advice?

I'd consult a GP

Sounds very difficult. I wouldn’t rule out the GP. We got referred to a specialist nurse who helped us sort out DS’s bedwrtting. Good luck!

Also, I almost forgot, there’s a website called Eric. Loads of resources on there.

I probably would see what HV or GP have to say. Btw why do you give her a smoothie instead of actual fruit? You're taking a lot of the goodness away by completing blending it.

I think she’s just still in the learning process- 3.5 is still only little, successful pooing in the toilet has always been the last stage of the process for my 4 when toilet training.
I would be really pissed off with nursery being annoyed about it, that’s not helpful at all is it.
I would say just make sure she’s not constipated and holding it in etc but seems like you’ve addressed that issue.
I would just give it time, maybe have a chat with nursery about them making her feel so upset about it - buy primark pants 10 for about £2 and tell them to just throw them if any accidents provide wipes, make it easy for them but tell them not to make an issue out of it. Continue with the reward chart, encourage her to go and have a try but I wouldn’t take it to nursery.

Thank you - I'll have a look at that website. And will try and get a GP appointment - only problem is that it's so hard to get an appointment and I couldn't take time off work for it so would have to be on one of my days off. Is likely it'll be over a months wait.

I wondered if the HV might be able to give me some advice over the phone? Can't even remember who mine is it's been so long, but could ring the hub.

Or could ask the GP to give me a phone, I guess they probably don't need to see her f2f?

I had this with DS. It turned out he had a little tear in his anus and any attempts at a poo were painful so he was afraid to push. The Dr said it had likely happened with a large/hard poo early on. She gave us movicol and something to heal the tear. Solved the problem quickly and he never soiled again. Didn't spend too long on movicol either

Handhold because I've been there recently. It was awful, three pairs of knickers a day at nursery sometimes and then when at home we could have six or seven poos a day. I tried to remain calm about it but I remember jsut sobbing one day when I was in the early stages or pregnancy and puking and trying to clear her up at the same time. We had been on movicol for a long time by that point and I sometimes wonder if the movicol was just preventing her from controlling what was coming out. She had been fine with wees since she turned two.

Anyway we went on holiday and forgot the movicol and somehow she jsut started going to the toilet and stopped soiling. It was like a switch had been flicked. She's been fine now for the last six months - she's four next month.

I'm not saying going on holiday is the solution obviously but maybe there was something in the change of scene and the different toilet! I don't know 🤔

I feel your pain OP. It's been my hobby since Easter.

Oh sorry, cross posted with some people. She does have fruit, I just thought it was the best way to get lots into her. Well, and that's what they suggested.

I was a bit annoyed too that they were annoyed IYSWIM. Plus she's started pooing in the car on the way home from nursery every day. Just thought I wonder if this is because they've been getting annoyed about it with her so she's holding it in?

I won’t say don’t go to the gp, but I’d be surprised if they do anything. We have a friend with a six year old who still isn’t quite there with her poos, and their gp have said they won’t do anything until she’s still doing it at age eight. He said it’s unusual but not abnormal.

I wouldn’t be impressed that her keyworker is being unpleasant. DS was a little bit older than your DD’s age when he finally cracked poos (though he took only a couple of days to get the wees) and they were absolutely fine about it, said it was really common, and not to worry.

Sounds like a medical issue. We’ve been through years of this. It may be the Bowel is distended due to blockage. No amount of telling off or praise works because the body is unable to recognise if it needs to ‚go‘ or not. It’s REALLY common in small kids.

Agree with the PP, don’t bother with smoothies, they break up the fibre and so are useless in this situation. Our consultants said pears are best for the soluble fibre needed for constipation.

When they said 'fruit' they meant whole fruit (with skin and fibres called 'roughage') that are essential for regular bowel movement.

By giving her a smoothie you are giving her fruit in a form that has destroyed the roughage, so will actually be doing the opposite of what you hope to achieve.

Eric are great. She needs regular toilet time after eating as that’s when bowels most active. Especially after breakfast. Get a stool softener from doc as withholding can result in a baggy rectum and confuse soiling. My middle one has been soiling for 4years but now so very rare. Encourage lots of fruit and veg and water intake and exercise. Blowing bubbles and balloons on the loo can help stimulate the urge to push. ,are sure she has her feet up on a stool, trying to get her into a regular bowel habit will help massively. We found movicol useless, we were on senna dor a few years, now on lactulose. It’s been a really long journey but key is not getting her to stage of hang ups about it as that will cause the withholding and further problems. Use language like, ‘let’s get you clean’ rather that ‘that’s dirty’

If she's pooing in the car, at least that's a predictable time. Have you tried taking her to the toilet and encouraging her to go right before you get in the car? Or is there a handy stop early on in the journey, like a supermarket you could pull in at before it happens and see if she'll go to the toilet there, if she has poor associations with the nursery loos?

Lactulose is better than movicol. Lactulose is just a stool softener, but movicol is a laxative, and as a previous pp mentioned, being over-reliant on it can cause issues with the gut motility (ie the gut forgets/doesn’t learn how to move things along properly/send and receive the correct signals to and from the brain)

There’s a good book called ‘Poo goes to Pooland’ that might be worth looking at with her? But also think a GP visit would be good.