DD and DH driving me insane

[DogsAreAce]

I had a baby 5 weeks ago. He's up all night as he is still quite nocturnal and awake intermittently during the day.

I'm up all night with him in a separate room to DH. This is my choice as DH snoring drives me nuts.

This morning DH and DD (7) come downstairs. I'm trying to feed DS. They start laughing at him as he won't latch on (it looks funny as he shakes his head). I find this infuriating as I deal with this all night and don't find it funny when he struggles to latch and ends up latching poorly and hurting my nipple.

DD then repeatedly asks 'can I hold him, can I hold him, can I hold him'. It's sweet and I love that she loves him but it's driving me completely bananas.

I'm just at the end of my tether a little and don't think DH realises how hard this is for me.

How do I calm myself and ensure I don't end up resentful of my DD and DH? I would happily go and live in a hotel for the next 6 months at the moment...

Can you get some physical distance? Ask DH to take DD out for the day?

Agree. Dh can take dd out today for a bit of 1.2.1. Once she is home make time for her to have snuggles with her brother.

First off, tell both of them that it is completely unacceptable to be laughing at DS (and, by extension, you) when he is struggling to latch. You need support, not humiliation. DH should be fetching you drinks while you feed DS and DD is old enough to be helpful with DS as well.

You've already got DD, does DH not remember the early weeks or is she not his?

@TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup she's his. I guess he has selective memory.

I think it’s pretty nasty laughing at him trying to latch. I have a 7 week old and trying to breastfeed has been the most difficult thing for my mental health I’ve ever done.

She’s 7, not 3. I would tell her straight that it’s not on tbh. As for your DH he just sounds awful.

I don't think they're being nasty, but we all have a sense of humour failure when we're sleep deprived. The transition from one child to two is really hard and you're exhausted. Pack them off for a day out together and have some quiet time with the baby.

OP prepare yourself for a barrage of hysterical ltb advice based on the description of a single incident...!

Sounds like he’s being insensitive and clueless - talk to him. Tell him how hard you’re finding it and what you need from him. Get him to handle your dd when she’s being excitable, get him to take her out to give you space etc. Hope things get easier for you soon

He's not a nasty person. They weren't laughing at me. It genuinely looks hilarious and even I laugh at him sometimes. PP is right. They're failing to realise how tired I am and being insensitive. DD is following DH!

DD then repeatedly asks 'can I hold him, can I hold him, can I hold him'. It's sweet and I love that she loves him but it's driving me completely bananas

She's only 7 and doesn't realise that there's a time and a place for her to hold the baby, she's likely just echoing what every visitor has said. You and DH just say in unison, *Not whilst/while he's feeding/getting his wind up/other 'no' situations"

I don't think them laughing at him trying to latch is malicious, but you are absolutely knackered/frustrated/exhausted.

DH taking her out is a good idea. Retreating to your bedroom to catch a nap when he nods off might do you good. It's really hard when you ebf and you cannot catch a break or hand baby over. Kudos to you, I gave up and switched to formula.

It won't last forever op, it'll be amusing to think back on his little head trying to latch on when he's a strapping teenager, eating you out of house and home. The time flies, you're doing great. 💐

Be honest

“I’d probably laugh too if I wasn’t so tired that all I want to do at the moment is cry. Can you help me by getting me a cup of tea/watching tv whilst dad gets you ready/ take dd out?”

OP, tell you family!

Say “please don’t laugh, I know it looks funny but I’m so tired and DS is hurting me” and they’ll both rush around trying to make you feel better.

Set a time when your daughter can hold the baby instead of saying “not now” or whatever you are doing. Maybe the same time every day so she knows when it is and won’t badger.

Honestly, I don’t think they’re being that annoying, I think you’re exhausted!