Meeting up with ex with the kids

[letsdolunch90]

Just that really. Does anyone here meet up with their ex with the kids? I'm thinking of inviting him and his new girlfriend for lunch after Christmas, never met her. It wasn't the best relationship, but I just want us to be amicable tbh.

Could you possibly arrange a coffee or something first. A first meeting on Xmas day when you have to sit and have lunch together is a lot of pressure.

Personally I would rather split the day up you have morning and him afternoon or whatever.

I think that’s really nice of you. I would have loved to have that kind of relationship with my husband’s ex. Unfortunately she had other ideas.

Don't even think about doing Christmas as a first "date". Two reasons - you've n ever met her and he was "not the best". Don't spoil Christmas for yourself by introducing two unknowns into the situation. It could seriously backfire on you.

I get that you want to be amicable, I really do. But I can vividly remember my first "date" with my ex and his gf....it was his 40th birthday . I was compelled to sit there and watch the two of them groping each other on the other side of a long table. It was obviously a setup , done to show me that he had moved on. Horrible.

In your situation I'd just let things evolve naturally. There will come a time when you and he / she will be in the same place at the same time, and you can meet and play nicies then. Just don't force it at Christmas.

@Birdie6 so sorry that has happened to you, that's disgusting!

In my OP I said I would invite them for lunch after Christmas. Maybe I should just let it happen naturally and see how it plays how

My ex dh quite often has a Sunday dinner at mine when he brings the kids home, it's such a nice feeling to be able to co parent amicably.

I have no experience of a new partner being involved in either side, I imagine this would cause a bit of tension? You would hope the person he chooses understands you need to parent together, and if that person is going to be involved in your child's life then it would be nice for you to get on.

That said, I'd start with a coffee and move up to lunch another time if you manage to keep it friendly

I think that's a lovely idea. She might not want to but she may be a reasonable person who would see this as a positive. You won't know unless you try.

We do quite a lot

My ex-H is remarried, I’m single.

All three of us co-parent so regularly socialise as a group with our daughter.

@JacquesHammer that's lovely! How was your relationship with your ex before the split? And how did it go when you all met for the first time? Did conversation flow? I'm scared we will all sit there and not have anything to talk about after the "Hi/hello how are you?"

I also think it's good for the children to see we might not be together, but we can still be nice to each other and coparent.

My parents did it. I think as you get older then these things become easier. I’m very thankful that they can spend time together with respective partners. I would hate for that not to be able to happen.
A good friend of mine, his parents and their husbands/wives are all really good friends.
I think it does depend very much on what happened in your marriage and theereafter

But to be honest my dad was a twat to my mum, so even then it can still work !

I think lunch might be a bit too much/too 'formal'.

How about the 3 of you taking the kids for a day out?

I wouldn't do Christmas day as the first meeting with new gf. Though absolutely no reason why this can't be done maybe next year. What about inviting them round Christmas Eve? I think it's generous and clearly in your children's best interests for them to see how relationships can be even if their parents no longer live together. My ex always came for Christmas ( I wasn't mature enough to invite OW though!)

I agree that Christmas Day is probably not the best first time. Maybe suggest meeting up for coffee and cake with the kids or meeting at a pub for lunch?

My parents have been divorced for nearly 40 years, both have new partners. We've been having a large combined Christmas lunch every year for the past 5 or so. Mum started it and they have alternated who pays & organises since then. It was particularly odd to start with and my brother and I worked hard to keep conversation topics flowing etc but it is much more relaxing now and they even sit next to each other in the middle of the table!!!

OP has clearly stated NOT CHRISTMAS DAY.

Apologies I missed the after Christmas

I've done stuff with dp, his ex and their kids but it's built up over time but a meal at yours if you haven't met them before is a bit full on. I think that a hello and a chat at a drop off is a much better way to meet her.

@itsnowthewaitinggame oh god no, I don't think I could invite them round if he cheated on me. You was being very brave and mature there, I couldn't sit and have lunch with him and the OW, that's just too painful. My relationship with him wasn't great, he was very verbally abusive and would put me down a lot. But I'm just ready to move on tbh, don't want to hold a grudge or hatred. It won't benefit me.