To find socialising hard

[Mustangwally]

Is there anyone else like this?! I always struggle to know what to say to people and find myself avoiding social situations because I feel so anxious. I'm feeling it keenly because a newish colleague seems to have achieved everything I can't. She is very funny and outgoing and watches the programmes they watch and she's managed to get included on the in-jokes and get on their quiz team etc. They seem to tiptoe round me as if I'm the queen and I want to shout that just because I'm quiet it doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humour! I wish I could think of funny or interesting things to say, I just tend to ask about them and listen to them talk but I wish I could do all the banter and have have things about me that made me significant. I hate always being the shy one that people struggle to make conversation with!

I'm the same, Mustang. Going anywhere that means I'm expected to socialise, particularly if it's with new people, is enough to trigger an anxiety attack. The school run is a constant reminder for me of how rubbish I am at it. All the other mums in little groups, chatting and laughing, arranging to go for coffee/nights out, and me drifting about by myself saying hello to people but never managing to be part of the group...

I would rather be friends with the quiet person that those with all the injokes. You don't need to be friends with everyone. There must be one other person there who likes a quiet friend.
And being a listener is a very attractive trait. You might be surprised at what your colleagues think of you. Being outgoing and full of fun can be exhausting for workmates at times.
Just be yourself.

Thank you June I never thought they might like my personality! They seem so enamoured with the new lady (and rightly so she's hilarious) I kind of assume they think I'n dull!

Listening is great.

What sort of thing makes you laugh?

I recommend the book Quiet: the power of introverts in a work that can't stop talking by Susan Cain.

New is always interesting for a while. But a quiet steady person who causes no drama is always attractive in my book.