Excuses

[Kma80]

Hello all I’m needing some advice and to know if anyone else is going through this I am new here please I ask u not to judge me just some friendly advice, I am a single mum to 3 children one of 18yrs 10 years and and 2 n half year old, I recently split from my baby’s dad around 6 months ago he will see my little one for a couple of hours on a Sunday but not every Sunday, he has 4 other children from previous relationships older children, they have not seen my little one for about 8 months they never really bothered with her anyway, and the same with my ex partners sister she do t bother with her either, well he has recently asked if he can take little one to he’s sister for dinner but I have said no as she do t know them and she is very very funny with ppl she do t know and yes I know it’s her auntie but she don’t know her am I being out of order ?,I am also having some separation anxiety I hate being away from her even the thought of her going to nursery makes me feel sick and I start to panic and I feel like I’m making excuses up all the time for her not to leave my side, so the thought of my daughter going to her aunties house who she don’t know I can’t bare it, but am I being selfish to my little one , please don’t judge me, thank you for reading all advice is grateful thank you

She can’t get to know her is she doesn’t spend time With her

She lives quite away from me she drives but I don't she never comes to se her

She won’t get to know them unless she spends time with them. Going with her dad to a meal for a couple of hours to her aunt’s isn’t the same as a full day of nursery.

If you trust her dad to look after her, and you don’t say you have reasons not to, it’s reasonable for him to take her to spend some time with his family.

She's never bothered with her tho I mean no birthday cards and I know they smoke weed and I'm not saying that they would while my daughter is there but I'm not 100% certain, maybe it's just me and I'm to worried about her being away from me 😞

It’s not about the aunt though, it’s about your daughter having time with her dad and him doing what he chooses and is comfortable with during his contact time.

Are you getting some help with your anxiety?

Yes I know, u are right and no not getting any help with my anxiety think it might be time I did, I hate feeling like this,it's like I have a panic attack with the thought of her being away from me, and the thought of her being upset coz she is somewhere she do t know, but I'm not like it if she's just at her dads house

I think it's natural to be anxious at the unknown. Could the auntie visit you and your little girl, if she wants to get to know her? Or join you for coffee somewhere.
Soon your little girl will be able to tell you more clearly about what she has been doing. I think then, you will be able to relax a little more when she is out of your sight, as you know she'll tell you if she was unhappy.

I wouldn't let my child visit a house where people where smoking weed. I think that's perfectly reasonable.
Nursery is a safe environment though, apart from a few bumps and tumbles, I think you should try to relax a little when she is there. Could you chat to any parents there?
Most children 2 plus love their nursery sessions.

I have worked in nurseries and preschool s for years. We always let parents stay for sessions until they're happy to leave their child.

Some just sit and watch the fun, some read stories or paint or help with a craft. One mum used to stay to breastfeed her toddler.
A good nursery should welcome you.

Thank you I do t really get on with my exes sister so meeting up isn't really a option I just feel that it is her fault that she hasn't really played a part in her life as it was only recently we fell out so it's not like she couldn't ever come down to visit her before, I'm not saying they would smoke weed while my little one is there but the fact of me not being there to make sure of that I'm not comfortable with that, and with the nursery she's entitled to 15 hours free at nursery and I have got all the form as I know I need to do it for her own good and to get her used to it but I just can't bring myself to hand the forms back in it make me feel sick the thought of her being upset or another child being nasty, I know it's me with the problem and I also know that my little one can't miss out it's such a horrible feeling it's making me feel so down 😞

I'm sorry you're so down. I do think you need real life help as your worrying is overtaking you. Can you talk to your GP or health visitor?

You sound like a lovely mum so don't feel bad. Caring too much is better than caring too little x

Thank you and yes I will speak to on of them

If you have no reason to stop he ex from seeing his child, then I think you also have to trust him to make decisions over what they do and which family member to spend time with.