Feel like I'm going to die.

[Jamiyma]

Had a baby 3.5 weeks ago.

Suddenly developed this health anxiety that I'm going to die. Not going to wake up in the morning and DS is going to be left without a mother.

Every night I go to bed feeling like I'm not going to wake up. It's absolute hell,

Has anyone ever felt like this before? I don't usually have health anxieties and am not one to visit docs all the time. This is very unusual for me.

Any advice? Not sure how much longer I can feel like this...

Absolutely. That's exactly the thing, it's not the fear of death itself it's the fear of your son being alone.

It's instinctual to a point as well, if we didn't worry a bit and have certain fears then we wouldn't be so protective.

I know some people don't have fears like that and look after their children perfectly fine but fears like these don't just stem from nowhere. There's a reason rational reason for our irrational thoughts.

Knowing when it gets too much and you need help is important but you sound like you're already on it.

It's good to know that it's definitely not just you and it's horrible but normal!

@ABitCrapper

Sleep With Me is an excellent podcast. He tells a variety of mediocre but distracting stories in a very dull voice. Very soothing.

Yeah, GP. Mine started from being worried about my baby to being obsessive about my own health. It was horrific. I felt trapped in my head and was borderline depressed. I felt it creeping up again not too long ago much it thankfully went away using the CBT I had 5 years ago.

Gp op, pronto. Hope you feel over it soon.

I had this and it took over my life for months. I would eventually drop off about 4am after deciding if I die in my sleep I die. Then in the morning I would feel ridiculous. I was living on 2-3 hours sleep.
I eventually got my go to refer me to private clinic for CBT - only place to get it. Used all savings but worth it.
I now shout stop in my head and can usually drag myself out of it. The key is distraction.
I have a wonderful app called Headspace which teaches the basics of meditation and has some really relaxing sleep podcasts. I only have the free version.
Or read a book, make a drink, talk to a friend or family. Go to the loo. Don’t try to talk yourself out of it you end up talking yourself into it more
Distraction distraction distraction.
Please ask your dad if he knows where you can get help.

It’s so common.
I had/ have post natal anxiety - which is distinct from PND and common especially amongst those with OCD and GAD. It started like this.

It is very treatable- but it can spiral without attention- and if it comes to it, do ensure you’re treated for the right thing. PND and PNA are different, with different treatment methodologies- PNA is hugely under recognised. I post about it a lot here - because I think women have no idea it exists, until they get it.

But honestly- this is so very very common, as to be almost “boringly normal” from a psychiatric POV - just not talked about.

Having a baby brings you right to the brink of both life and death simultaneously- and then you’re handed an entire human being to care for- with no way to look after themselves. So you try to control everything to keep them safe- it’s natural to worry about the things you cant control- but that doesn’t mean they’ll happen...

Hang in there- talk to your gp and/or your dad- and trust me- you’ll wake up in the mornings... I did- and I was lying awake at night mentally writing my wishes for my son, and wondering whether to write him a letter “just in case”.

I had this too. I had no idea that post natal anxiety existed. I knew about PND but not the anxiety aspect. It drove me to the edge of reason, I have never felt such terror. I was convinced I was dying, terrified I'd be a widow, scared my baby was ill. I struggled on for several years before I was diagnosed.

Medication was the answer. I can now function like a normal human being.

OP. Please speak to your GP, they can help.

My ex-h has health anxiety really badly. Not tied to pregnancy, PND etc. obviously. It was awful for both of us, I really feel for you OP. Don't be anxious about telling GP/your Dad, it's quite common and they won't be shocked. It's also fairly common to randomly start imagining that your child is going to die even when they're perfectly healthy. It's horrible but not unusual.

Yes and before you sleep is a common time to feel very anxious too. It’s part natural, we have a strong instinctive drive to preserve and protect as a parent, which includes ourselves. So we can become more anxious, which makes us less risk taking.

I have had similar, sudden fear of flying and health anxiety, panic attacks, feeling like I was short of breath after DS was born. Definitely go to the doctor but also know that this is okay, you’ll get through it.

I know it’s basic but it makes a lot of difference - sleep as much as you can, eat well, get out into the daylight pushing baby every day, start some gentle exercise, listen to a relaxing app when in bed, while you are feeling bad think through logically and just let your fears slowly dissipate, don’t fight them.

Get checked out. I need diazepam now to get me on a plane, loved flying before children!

I’m with you @Scottishgirl except I’m used to it now, I have to fly a lot, so I basically had a few years gritting my teeth and doing crosswords on take off (surprisingly good distraction), and the continued exposure sorted the anxiety out. Mostly!

I'm sorry you're going through this. A fear of dying or feeling like you're dying is a classic symptom of anxiety. You could be developing post natal anxiety or depression. That's not a problem and can be treated. Talk to your HV or your GP. Your dad will be able to guide you too.

Anxiety can be treated with medication that is safe during breastfeeding and there are talking therapies that can help. There are lots of relaxation apps too, so you can easily find one that suits you. Something with guided meditation and body relaxation would be good.

Please don't be scared to share how you feel with people around you. You'll be ok. I hope you feel better soon.

I really fell for you, op. Have often felt as though going to die. I don't, takes more than feelings & palpitations for us to die but it is a horrible feeling at the time. I have no fear of death but when I feel like that I thin, "Not like this". Of course, I don't die during these phases.

It passes, I promise you.

Look after yourself .

Just to say OP- medication can be great, but is not the only option.
I’ve avoided medication with weekly psychotherapy- which has had mixed results in trials for PND/ PNA but did work very well for me.

Thank you so much everyone.

I've had medication for anxiety before. It gave me a very, very bizarre side effect and I would never take anything again! Docs said they never heard anything like it, but it was definitely caused by the medication as I had breaks between taking them. Only had this symptom whilst in the meds.

Definitely going to try and get a gp appointment, I feel truly horrific...

I never took mediation. Basically too anxious!

Lots of alternatives.

OP - there’s a book- you can get it as an ebook on amazon it’s called “dropping the baby”www.<a class="break-all" href="https://amazon.co.uk/Dropping-Baby-Other-Scary-Thoughts/dp/0415877008?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-3426660-feel-like-i-m-going-to-die" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">amazon.co.uk/Dropping-Baby-Other-Scary-Thoughts/dp/0415877008

If you’re easily triggered to “expand your anxious zone” (you know- eg hearing a news story about something awful makes you worry about that too) when you’re anxious you might want to exercise caution, but I did find it helpful.

I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant and have been feeling like this since I had a big bleed at about 13 weeks. I cannot stop myself from catastrophising. I fixate and think obsessively on DH, or I, or our parents becoming ill and not being around for the baby, which means I symptom spot constantly and drive myself to distraction obsessively worrying about any tiny little blemish or pain I, or anyone else, develops. It's dreadful and I'm having palpitations, breathlessness etc. on a daily basis. I feel terrible for anyone also suffering from this, but in a funny way it is a strange kind of relief to know that I'm not alone and that this is common. I had been feeling utterly isolated. The sense of doom is just so hard to shake.

I really feel for you OP, it's a very difficult way to live as it can rob you of your enjoyment of anything. I have seen my GP about it. They were very helpful and understanding and suggested I contact IAPT. I have and they were very quick to get me a referral. You can self-refer and the individual sessions I have been booked on to are free. I haven't started them yet, so I'm afraid I can't comment on how beneficial they are, but it's a step towards seeking accessible help and they took a lot of the pressure out of it for me, if that makes sense? For me, going to the GP was hard, but being able to self-refer and then being dealt with very quickly (but sensitively) was really beneficial as didn't give me time to talk myself out of it or decide it couldn't help me. I don't know if this might be an appropriate option for you? I'm sure with your Dad being a GP you will get some excellent advice and guidance though.

Additionally, the midwife has also referred me for a Pregnancy in Mind course when I described how I was feeling. I'm unsure if there's something similar for women who have had their babies, but one would hope there should be something available?

I really hope you're feeling better soon.

I developed hideous health anxiety after a hysterectomy five years ago. I'd also had (undiagnosed) general anxiety before but the health anxiety was awful!

Part of mine centered around medication so the prospect of taking something for it terrified me even more so I didn't go down that route. I did go to IAPT which helped, up to a point, so it's definitely worth a try as a starting point. I needed to be able to talk about everything that was going on in my life though, not just the most current problem and the IAPT therapist, although lovely, seemed to be having to work to a specific framework which wasn't quite doing it for me.

I eventually had private psychotherapy and hypnotherapy and it gradually went away. I still get the odd thought now but am able to distract myself pretty easily - something I thought I'd never be able to do in the early days, I couldn't imagine ever feeling any better but I really am fine with it now.

Sorry you had a weird reaction to medication. There are more than one type which can be used for anxiety.

Several different types of anti depressant, beta blockers or benzo diazepenes. There might be another type you can try to take the edge off the anxiety, particularly if you have to wait for talking therapies.

I had these feelings after I had my baby. Had a post partum haemorrhage immediately after the birth & honestly thought I was going to die before I got to hold my baby.

I was so nervous & jittery when I came hope from the hospital when I look back now it was a reaction to everything that had happened.

I eventually spoke to gp who recommended counselling & it helped so much.

Please talk to someone about and congratulations on your new baby x

Hope you’re feeling okay OP, have you managed to confide in your dad or your own GP?