please someone talk some sense into me

[youshallgototheballl]

My DD will be starting reception next year and my husband and I are planning on sending her to a particular school. The problem arises in that I am catholic and my DH is staunchly atheist. The school is non denominational and I’ve agreed to this.

I am so worried to tell my family. They are incredibly catholic and the old catholic guilt is working its magic on me.

My DH won’t hear of sending DD to a catholic school and I can feel the anxiety starting to build in me that my family, particularly my DM, will be really unhappy about it.

I really don’t want any snide replies on this. I am seeing the doctor this week because I realise my anxiety is reaching unhealthy levels and I know it stems from this.

Please tell me that I’m being ridiculous

It’s so hard. I think you need to work out if you feel anxious/guilt because you are being made to feel this in which case it absolutely is the right choice and you need to find a way to manage it or is it you feel like this because you are doing something you actually don’t want to do/is against your values in which case it may be worth listening to that feeling

I think it’s a mixture of both.

I am catholic but not practising so I don’t feel I can demand that DD attends a catholic school. My DH thinks religion is a form of brainwashing that the world could do without. To be honest, with the amount of guilt I’m feeling, I can kind of see his point

The fault lies with those putting the guilt on you. Not you or DH for your school choice.

Religion can be taught in the home and does not need to be taught in school so it’s not as if your child won’t get to experience Catholicism.

Stop feeling guilty when you’ve done nothing wrong. You and your DH decide on schools. Nobody else gets even a say.

You child, the decision is between you and your DH and nobody else.

Would your family really be that horrified? Sometimes the reality is not as bad as what we imagine. I'd suggest talking to them ASAP as it's just going to build and build otherwise.

And FWIW, I agree with your DH here, this school is a good choice. Religion can be taught at home and you can invite your family to help facilitate this.

‘We have thought about this very carefully and have decided this is best for us.’ Don’t invite any opinions at all and keep repeating the same reply. Refuse to engage with all the comments and have some stock phrases which you keep saying without engaging in arguments or even conversation on the subject.

Good luck, hopefully they won’t be as bad as you fear. Your child your choice. Over and over.

Also, if you are non practicing and your dh has no religion would you even get a place? Our Catholic schools are extremely difficult to get in to and need priests letters etc.

(I went through this only dh was the non practicing catholic with the devout parents. They were actually fine about it.)

I know I just need to be really direct about it.

It is awful that religion is causing this sort of anxiety in me. I feel like I’m failing my DD and disappointing my parents (who are lovely btw) by not sending her to the catholic school. Im a 35 year old woman FGS!!

It's not religion, its your family if you really think they will react as you say.

Do they make snide comments about the fact you aren't practising your faith ? That you aren't attending Church? Presumably (if your dh is so 'anti' ) that you didn't get married in a Church?. Surely it won't come as a shock to them that you aren't going to send your dd to a Catholic school? Do you even take her to Church ?