To think in laws should know when dd's first birthday is?!

[kerala]

I asked my MIL to my dd first birthday party the other day. She said "oh is that July" then "what date?" She is their first and only grandchild and my inlaws are not the vague and dreamy type.

Oh dear. That IS a bit crap. Has she got lots of other stuff on her plate at the moment?

yes, I think you are because she's not their child she's their grandchild

they know roughly but why should they have memorised the date?

nice if they do .. but wouldn't expect it

my parents dont have a cluew when my kids birthdays are.

My ds's dad and stepmum wouldn't have a clue either. Actually forgot card and present for ds's 5th birthday as 'on holiday.' When they got back they came round (eventually) and dh mentioned birthday. They said 'Oh what did we get then', expecting that dh would have got something from them! Dh got flustered and made something up. I think he should have said 'Nothing!'

Did they definitely ask when the birthday was, or the date of the party?

I would expect my parents and my PILs to know DD's birthday. They do know. But then my parnets only have the one to remember, and PILs just two, so quite easy really.

It does sound like she was asking when the party was, not what her birthday is. I would certainly expect my parents and ILs to remember their grandchildren's birthdays - which they do, though my parents aren't good atremembering to send a card. They generally expect to wait until we next see them and then give the gift and the card.

She asked when the actual birthday was and so did FIL. Although they only asked when I raised the possibility of a little party. Wonder if I had not mentioned it if they would have remembered at all! Then wondered if I was being PFB- ish about it. Would not expect anyone else to remember her birthday but was abit surprised her grandparents didn't..

Then they said they would not come to her little tea party anyway as its on the actual day which is a work day. Fair enough, although they have their own small business and manage to shut it to go on holiday/do other things they fancy doing. Trying not to turn this into an issue but their constant disinterestedness (if a word) in our new family is depressing and upsets DH.

My MIL would never, ever forget the birthdays of any of her 3 grandchildren or even any of her 7 great nephews and neices. It would be much more likely that type of thing my Mum would do. But to be fair she has 4 grandchildren and has not forgotten any of them either.

I guess it's a sign of the closeness of family relationships? There is no way my parents would forget their only grandchild's first birthday; no way at all! However we're close and they have always seen ds alot.

On the other hand my DH is 35 and STILL doesn't remember when his own mum and dad's birthdays are, which I find odd, but they are just not close.

I don't think they need to remember.

I had an 'discussion' with my mum as she was adamant that DS's birthday was 16th July (it is the 14th july) - to the point where she thought I was wrong! As if I would be wrong about my DS's birthday - she had to go and get last year's diary to believe me.

WOuldn't worry about it. My own mother can't even spell my name or my 2 DD's and certainly wouldn't remember any birthdays.

I'm afraid IMO it is about how much effort you put into it, and I can say this as I am hopeless at birthdays and always, but always, forget my dad's and brother's. I do try, but not really hard enough.

S**T have just realised I did forget my dad's again. Oh no, dh sent him something - phew of a sort though it is truly crap of me to forget.

My grandmother always remembered the birthdays of all 17 of her grandchildren.

Unfortunately you can't legislate for human rubbishness. Try to let it go though (says she, hoping my dad will do the same...)

i don't expect people to remember mine, ds or anyone else's. is lovely if they do and of course my parents have a pretty good idea of when mine is but that's all. i remind everyone who might have an interest in good time.

My Dad, Grandfather and Grandmother all forgot DS2's 1st birthday, my Dad called up 3 days later asking when the date was ..I did let him know how annoyed I was. DS1 and DS2 are the only grandchildren/great grandchildren they have.

i would be seriously pissed off myself. but thats only because we are very close to dps family as well as mine.

i think as your dd is their first gd they should at least know the date. my nan struggled with our birthdays as there was so many of us.

My gran has 13 grandkids & 16 great-grandkids & always remembers them all! She's either supergran or she has them all written down on her calendar & just updates the new one every year

My late MIL asked me whenever she saw me, (not very often) and whenever she phoned, when her only grandson's birthday was and always asked "Are you sure?"

My FIL still asks now!!

My parents are dead but were they alive they would have 37 grandchildren !! When my mum shuffled off this mortal coil she had 27...she never forgot ANY of their birthdays.She died of cancer and knew she was going for about a year...during that time she set up a trust that pays out ££s on each grandchild's birthday...presents from beyond the graveShe was one in several million my mum.
So, yes a bit ' negligent ' of your pils imo..