To be upset with husband

[Onlytheyoungones]

NP(not particularly)DH has had a rare attack of activity today. He wanted to cut down a couple of bushes in the garden. He has form for DIY cock-ups and is particularly clueless in the garden having previously cut down an apple tree when he mistook it for ivy he was cutting back. He proceeded to prune a bush which has some dead wood, but has cut the whole bloody thing down. When I pointed out that wood with leaves attached is still living he went mental with me.
It's not the garden I care about it's being shouted at for all the neighbours to hear. It's as if he's done me a big favour with one of these rare forays into domestic work (all the DIY, housework, employing builders etc is 'my job') and then I dare to criticise him. Or am I too controlling? Should I let him get on with things his way? Or am I too sensitive to conflict?

I don't think you're controlling enough! If you were you'd have him doing all the housework. How come you do everything? You could start being deliberately crap around the house and shout at him when he points it out.

I don't have much sympathy with people messing up my garden - I'm the only one allowed to make mistakes out there. But your worried less about the garden (and the shrub may shoot from the base) and more about his reaction. There's probably no point pointing out his mistake (it's done now) unless there are other shrubs that are in danger of similar mistreatment - probably you should have had a gentle word when you first had inkling of what he was planning. There again, that would have caused fireworks. So I'm probably saying YANBU, but you're on a hiding to nothing.

you're not your. Don't mind people seeing my typos, but don't want them to think I don't know my grammar.

YANBU at all. It sounds like he doesn't pull his weight around the house and when he decides to go on a little frolic and do some "manly jobs" like cutting down bushes he makes a complete hash of it. He doesn't sound like he ought to be allowed near gardening equipment if he's that clueless. I realise my STBXH suffered from selective incompetence, therefore all the normal house jobs, plus any diy I could possibly do, or dealing with workmen was always "my job." He'd then sit there glaring at people who came in to do things or fix things which he'd fucked up. (He would also complain about the cost even though it was me paying for everything as he was a cocklodger who used to hoard his own money). It's not ok and a grown man has no business behaving this way. If your DH was just hopeless in the garden but made an effort otherwise it wouldn't be so bad, but his overall attitude sounds appalling

There is more to this.....
I do most domestic work because I gave up work (we had similar level job) when we had children 25 years ago, I now work part-time in a 'much reduced role'. Plus I am more practical/capable and if I don't know how to do something I will look it up or ask. The main thing that has upset me is when a man becomes aggressive with me. My elder brother abused me physically when I was under 10 years, he died a year ago almost to the day. It brings it all back like a tidal wave. I work in part of the public sector where information about abuse and violence is the norm. That only occasionally bothers me, it's when it's in my own home that I fall apart.

You need to practice your harshly whispered 'That's quite enough ' with a daggers look at him. Works perfectly