Etiquette re Christmas greetings to ex in laws?

[silvercuckoo]

Hello all,
I am divorced with two young children. Last time their father showed interest / had contact with them was last Christmas (so presumably managed this). He just wrote to me informing that he won't see them until Easter.
I am wondering now, do I have to send cards / presents / chocolates in the children's names to ex-in-laws? Christmas is huge in their family, but they are not in contact with the children otherwise.
The children are not of age when they can make this decision themselves.

I would shield your children from such toxic negative people. Children deserve to be surrounded by happiness and love - it doesn't sound like the in-laws provided any of this in the first place.

If you wannt to be chgaritable, then a pp's suggestion of child-drawn card this Christmas and see what happens after Easter is a good idea. Unfortunately i cannot see anything positive coming out of it.

Btw, ex-in-laws are often referred to as 'outlaws' which rather puts a on my face! And is rather apt in this case.

Big for you, it must be a difficult time.

I wouldn't no matter what your circumstances as it your ex's job not yours but after reading your updates I definitely wouldn't!

fuck them, send nothing

This!

Etiquette wise, it's your ex's problem anyway even if he was an actual active parent in all this.

I would send a card from your children so you can tell your children when they are older that you did try to keep contact with their grandparents.

^This

I would get piece of coloured card, fold it in half, draw around stencil for Xmas tree shape and let kids colour/scribble and sign it from them. If they do not reciprocate then at least you know for another year and in years to come when kids ask why don't we see grandparents you will be able to tell them you tried.

mrsstrowman is absolutely right.

What an awful thing for the grandmother to say. Are you from a different race or class?

Thank you all for your opinions. Yes, unfortunately my ex is an "astronaut", he is always exceptionally busy to see the children but somehow always has time to write lengthy emails about deficiencies in my parenting (implied from the nursery reports etc). That's just how things are. I am pretty certain that he will completely disappear within the next year or so.
I cannot call them toxic or non-toxic, I actually do not know them that well at all. They were never very interested in the children, but they are the only close family the children have - my parents are thousands of miles away. So I am not sure whether it is worth now to at least try to have some sort of relationship, even a Christmas-card-sending one with them for the children's sake, or not.

Are you from a different race or class?
Not different race, but foreign and from a very different social background to them, yes.

Ah, so they're snobs then. You sound like a lovely Mum, prepared to deal with these shitty people for your children's sake. They're lucky to have you.

Tell your twat ex when he contributes to the parenting he will earn the right to comment.

Um, no. They don’t deserve it. And actually it’s up to your ex to do it. If they have no interest in your children then why make the effort. Why try and include people in your children’s life who don’t actually want to be there.

Ex-MIL did write on her Facebook when ex had a baby in his new relationship "I am so thrilled to become a grandmother at last"

There's your answer.

But because that is such a rude and hurtful way to behave I would actually send a card with a photo of the children playing and a message about Peace on Earth and Love to all Mankind. Take the photo from the back so their faces are not visible. And I'd keep doing that until your youngest is 18. No other contact, just a card with a photo of the invisible children at Christmas.

I hope you have an excellent solicitor and that your ex is paying maintenance payments appropriate to his income.

I wonder what story your useless ex has spun both to new paner and his parents. I think a card and photo would be a starting point - if they ignore it well then you'll know. But it is hard to have absolutely no gps to visit never mind no dad, if theres a chance gps might step up worth a shot. And if they dont, stuff 'em.