Can 7 & 9 year old be expected to tidy their room

[ItsBloodyFreezingg]

I understand that children can be messy, I'm not expecting miracles...but I've asked them time and time again to please try and keep their room tidy, bring down their drinks, the rubbish from their snacks etc... I've always helped them tidy it when it's got really bad as I know it can be a bit overwhelming for them when it gets in a state.

I'm now trying to walk past and leave it as it is but I feel so guilty for not doing it and having them stay in such a messy room but at the same time I don't want it to become expected that I will do it.

AIBU to think that 7&9 are okay ages to tidy up after yourselves?

Yes, totally.
You can always put an embargo on screens/ friends coming over etc unless rooms are tidy. Worked for us.

Of course they can!

I teach Nursery and Reception in Primary Schools and they are expected to help tidy up multiple times a day!

Make them a list of things they need to do in the room and take away electronics/turn off the WiFi!

Or have a nice treat after

A 9 year old maybe but not a 7 year old.
They need instructions and supervision.
Also there has to be a place for everything so that instead of telling them to tidy up, you tell them to put everything in its place, make the bed etc.
Break it down into individual tasks and be there to direct.
That way they will learn how to do it methodically.

I would start by having a no food and drink upstairs rule!

Give them an hour to get it sorted or remove privileges until it is done

No drinks or snacks upstairs.

Is there room easy to tidy? Does everything have a place? If not, work on that with them on the understanding that it’s a one-time only deal.

Remind them every night to tidy up. Have a set day/time when you’ll remove anything on the floor and no bag it. Mean it.

Yes. I expect my 4 and 7 year olds to tidy theirs. In reality the 7 year old today's and her brother helps a bit then rolls on the floor but it's a start.

Yes. My DD with LDs could, at that age.

Do a deep clean/sort out.

Make sure that your storage is right. I think correct storage is the thing that makes a difference, as well as not too much stuff.

Then start them off on a new routine. Limit foid/drinks upstairs.

As long as it's mess that needs putting away and not say, a lego construction etc that they want leaving. It can be done e ery night and if they get on with it, it won't take long.

I don't really make my kids do jobs around the house but keeping their room tidy is something I do ask them to do. My son doesn't really make mess as he just spends his time gaming but he knows to bring down any plates and cups each night. My daughter is 9 and she knows that every night before bed she has to tidy anything she's had out, usually felts, crayons, paper as well as put rubbish on the bin. It only takes 10 minutes. She doesn't always do a great job but it's good enough. Then once a week I go in and do a 'proper tidy up' and dust/clean.

So yes, at 7 and 9 I think they should be able to a good attempt at tidying. Just tell them no more playing until it's tidy.

Endofthelinefinally I've regularly helped them tidy and shown them where things go and what I'd like them to bring down when they've finished etc... But now it's just expected that I'll muck in too if they leave it long enough iyswim.

I've said if they can't bring out rubbish then there would have to be no more snacks upstairs but I wasn't sure if I was expecting too much for their ages.

Will maybe have to start confiscating devices or no Xbox until... kind of thing then.

DP says to just leave it but I feel awful when I know it's a mess.

It's usually felt tips, paper for drawing all over the floor, Teddys out, a board game or two and duvets on the floor when they get out of bed in the morning!

No tidy up, no TV seems to work for us. But they do need nagging, they just don't see the mess. We have lots of whinging and it would be easier for me to do it but want them to learn. Giving a set time also helps.

Does everything have it's place? Toy boxes etc? My 3 year old is great at tidying up so I'd say a 7 and 9 year old can definitely tidy! We have separate boxes for everything (just those plastic storage boxes you get from B&M, keeps everything tidy and they can stack on top of each other in a corner out the way at the end of the day) so we have cars in one box, dinosaurs in another, Lego duplo in another, and so on. You could label the boxes to help. I have stickers on ours since DS can't read yet. Bigger toys go together in a corner of the room. I think having organisation helps him know where everything goes and makes it so easy for him to help tidy.

I agree with no food or drink upstairs. You don't want mice.
Also a system of sanctions and rewards, just small ones, is worthwhile and you have to be consistent.
Your DH is bonkers if he thinks just leaving it is a good idea.
Learning organisational skills is so important.

NoSquirrels yes I'd say so. It's not massive, they have bunk beds in there and some floor space to play but it's not a huge room or anything.

They have a toy crate and storage under the beds.

They don't even spend much time in their but when they do it's as if they enjoy pulling everything on to the floor for no reason

There*

yes. absolutely.
we have a tidy before changing bedding (every 2 weeks) rule. -highsleeper, so I get the matress down to change sheet. can't do that if a playmobile set is in the way.
dc then change pillow& duvet covers themselves.

Yes of course! Im surprised you're even asking this. Your 9yo should actually be doing way more than just tidying their room.

My 2.5yo tidies up his playroom. Given that it is far from a good job, I'm happy that he understands the concept. He helps make the bed in the morning and puts his clothes in his wash basket.

We dont allow food in the rooms so that solves the problem of dishes, bugs etc. I wouldnt even be questioning if a 7 and 9 yo should be tidying up.

and yes to no snacks in their rooms!
snacks are kitchen only here

dc put on loud funky music to do a 'tidy-dance'

My 4 year old is expected to tidy her room and the play room. She moans a lot about it, but if she makes the mess then she has to clear it. If it's particularly bad I will offer instruction and break it into smaller tasks for her, but I rarely physically help her.

I think the key is to make them tidy up after themselves every single time they get anything out (so at least daily). Otherwise, it only takes a few days for it to become an overwhelming mess and then it just tends to get worse and worse...

My 9yr old can tidy, make bed, open curtains and rinse breakfast bowl and put in dishwasher. Deeper cleans/ clothes sorting etc still require my help but aside from that I fully expect my DC to be able to do the bare minimum in cleaning up after themselves. And they do. At 7 I helped more.

No drinks or snacks in the bedroom EVER
Tidy after bath.

My DS (5yo), is told no food/drinks in bedrooms, and if I ask him to tidyup and it's not done in a reasonable time,anything left out gets taken away by me for a few days. Once you've taken a couple of things away they'll become masters at tidying! You'll be surprised at what they can do when they want to.

Why would they do it though when they know they can ignore your requests, carry on making a mess and you'll do it for them?

Your dc are the same age as mine so I can tell you 100% yes they can! They're obviously not born knowing how but you teach them over time. Even toddlers can pop clothes in the laundry basket or toys back into the box they took them out of! They may need reminding and praise but they can and should because imo as part of a household they should be doing their (age appropriate) share.

At 7 and 9 they're not doing it because it hasn't become a habit. You need to put some rules and expectations in place now and stick to them because the older they get the harder it will be to introduce a change.