DN smoking and no one is bothered

[Sequinsglitter]

I was at my sister's house a week or so ago and she told me she'd caught 16 year old DN smoking the day before but came to the conclusion that it's his choice because he's 16 and our mum agreed with her and this first thing his dad did was buy him some cigarettes. I don't have a say apparently because I smoke. well i used to when i wasn't pregnant and I'm wanting to quit for good this time. But i don't want him to be struggling to quit in his 30's or possibly having health issues because of it. So AIBU if i atleast encourage him to quit

I get where you're coming from, totally, but what exactly are you going to do to "encourage him to quit" and how well do you think that is going to go down with a 16 year old?

Yanbu to want to encourage him to quit, but yeah... good luck with that!

How did you start? Would anything your auntie said have made you quit at that age?

It's a bit hypocritical to encourage him to quit since you're a smoker.

Everyone knows the dangers, he has chosen to do it anyway, what can you realistically do?

Well I can understand the parents attitude as they isn't much you can do to stop a determined 16 year from smoking and they probably don't want to cause an unnecessary row. I don't think I could buy the cigarette's for him though.

I also think that you, as a concerned aunt, could raise the issue with him and say how hard it is to quit when you've smoking for a while. You can't make force DN's parents to do it with you if they don't want to.

As a former smoker, now vaper, I so wish I had never started as a teenager. However, my grandmother was an ex smoker and continuously tried to nag/emotionally blackmail me into quitting (saying that she quit because when I was 3 I asked her too) and as a rebellious teenager it had precisely the opposite effect!

Sounds mean, but I don't think many aunties have much say in how their nieces or nephews are patented.
I also think it's pretty hard to convince him not to smoke considering you do it yourself.

I've been in the same position as him, i was about 14 when i started, my mum didn't find out until i was 17 and couldn't care less about it. My friends were smoking and i became curious and wanted to know what it was like. I don't know if anyone's advice would have made me stop but there's always the chance it would of

The only thing you can do is have an adult conversation about your own regrets with him, also they shouldn't be buying him cigarettes, he's 16 it's illegal

If this child’s own father is happy to break the law and provide his son with 400 toxic chemicals in a packet in order to give him cancer, I’m not sure whether anything a normal sane person could say would stop him.
As a doctor, who spent 36 years dealing with patients whose lives had been shortened and ruined by smoking, I am appalled at this family’s total abdication of parental responsibility or care.

Another way to look at this. Why do you think he’s smoking? To fit in with friends? A ‘fuck you’ to society? If you can tackle the root rather than nagging him not to smoke, you might have more success.

Nagging / shaming him probably will backfire.

There's very little parents can do if their teens choose to smoke but his dad def shouldn't be buying them for him,that's madness

I’m in my late 20s and amongst my (and even some of my younger sib’s) peers it was not uncommon for 14/15 y/os to be bought cigarettes by their parents in return for good behaviour like pocket money. In fact at 16/17 my dad did the same for my brother - most older teens will know the one shop or pub that DGAF or have older friends to do them favours.

I don’t think it’s awesome parenting, but I don’t find it shocking at all and wouldn’t assume that it made the parents bad all round at parenting.

My parents were VERY anti smoking- I started smoking when I was 14 and nothing they or anyone else said would have made any difference.

My son is 12 and talks about starting vaping when he is older cause the kids think its cool. I have made some noises that he shoudln't start and the dangers but I can't see how he won't do what he wants when he can.

I don’t really think my auntie getting on my case would have put me off smoking as a teen.

I don’t think his parents should be buying him cigarettes or actively encouraging it but I don’t think there is a lot else that they or you can do or say to stop him.

As a recently quit smoker, if I could give one bit of advice to my nieces and nephews it would be "Don't start smoking". I think smokers are well qualified to give that advice, knowing how difficult they are to stop. In fact I'd go as far as to say smokers are the most qualified to say it.