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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay in the slow lane

18 replies

Seiran · 16/11/2018 22:20

It seems ridiculous to say this at my age (less than 40) but after a few batches of driving lessons which went reasonably well, I have no motivation to actually pass my test.

I enjoy driving lessons up until the point the instructor advises me to book a test. At this point I go to pieces. I start to make more and more silly mistakes until I end up feeling like I don't want any more lessons. This despite being 90% of the way there.

DP is a teacher, works long hours and has a substantial commute each day, often laden with heavy books and equipment. DP could really use a car yet gave up on driving after a couple of lessons and now relies on public transport and lifts from MIL. MIL has often commented how much she would like me to pass my test - presumably I am one day expected to take over responsiblity for DP's transport needs.

It was MIL's idea for DP to become a teacher ( despite DP seemingly needing a support team to do the job.) DP still gets wake up calls from MIL each morning and for a time was even provided with a daily packed lunch! DP works hard at the job but takes no responsibility whatsoever around the home, doesn't cook, doesn't clean, we have no kids to look after. As DP has more immediate use for a car than I do part of me feels resentful at probably ending up with yet another chore to do.

AIBU to think that I will be will be a taxi service if I ever get around to passing my test?

Am I being overly critical or unsupportive of DP's career?

Am I making excuses to rationalise my own wobbly confidence?

OP posts:
UsedBySomebodyAlready · 16/11/2018 22:29

Your DP aside, don't you want to drive for YOURSELF? Wouldn't it make your life easier/better somehow and give you more options?

Celebelly · 16/11/2018 22:32

If you learn to drive, it needs to be for you, not for your partner. It's a great skill to have, but you have to be assertive enough to not let yourself be guilt-tripped or bullied into doing things you don't want to do.

It sounds like you're already his skivvy anyway though. Why is his mum calling him to wake him up every day?! Do you work?

bridgetreilly · 16/11/2018 22:33

You do not have to become his taxi service if you pass your test and you can tell him now that you have no intention of doing so. He needs to be responsible for his own commute, either via public transport or taxis, not a lift from his mother or his wife. But I would recommend that you do try to take and pass a test, so that you will have the freedom and flexibility of driving for yourself.

KlutzyDraconequus · 16/11/2018 22:34

I'd learn to drive op so you can drive in the opposite direction of momma's boy.

Does nowt round the house, needs his mum to call him and get him up, makes his pac ked lunch for him?
And you sleep with this manchild? You find this attractive?
Fuck that.

Holidayshopping · 16/11/2018 22:39

MIL has often commented how much she would like me to pass my test

Why don’t you suggest to her that her man-child of a son passes instead?

How do you get to work?

recklessruby · 16/11/2018 22:44

I think you should both learn to drive
It's just life changing, all that freedom to come and go as you please
I passed my test at 20 and hate it when the car's in for a service and I have to use public transport
I understand you're nervous but you said yourself you're 90% there. Just keep going
It's in reach
As for dp why doesn't he want to give it a go?

Original poster
Seiran · 16/11/2018 23:41

Thank you very much for the replies and for the encouragment.

For the last few years I've worked in walking distance of home. However I should really be looking further out if I ever want to put my degree to use or earn a decent wage.

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 16/11/2018 23:48

Seiran please just book the driving test. It is one test you are 'allowed' to fail repeatedly and no one really judges you because most people have been there.

LellyMcKelly · 17/11/2018 00:04

You will become a taxi service. Both of you should learn to drive.

LellyMcKelly · 17/11/2018 00:06

Get your MIL to buy him lessons - he sounds useless. At least let him shoulder some responsibility for something.

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 17/11/2018 00:42

He's the one with the commute he's the one who ought to learn. Time for him to step up.

ElideLochan · 17/11/2018 00:53

er why doesnt he drive himself?

ohamIreally · 17/11/2018 07:43

Agree with @KlutzyDraconequus get away from your "DP" he will drain you.

I found it incredibly hard to pass my test but it's an amazing skill to have. Do yourself a favour, persevere and the world will be your oyster.

Smudgymoo · 17/11/2018 07:51

I learnt to drive when I was 28 and felt really nervous about doing it. I don’t think you learn to drive during your driving lessons - I think you learn to drive when you’ve passed and have to get on the road yourself.

I regret not learning earlier because when I learnt it took me nearly 100 lessons to do it - because I was so nervous and freaked!!

Your partner is a weirdo though, and I just really would have thought as a teacher the kids would really be mean to him if he’s being brought to work by his mum and then picked up again! and made lunch etc... hilarious! I understand the odd occasion being driven to work - but not all the time! As a teacher, I would definitely make fun of him.

StripySocksAndDocs · 17/11/2018 07:58

Are you sure he's a teacher in the school, does he go in wearing a uniform? Driving aside I think maturity is an issue here. Hard to accidentally become a teacher (Mum chose his job?!)

MsHopey · 17/11/2018 07:58

I passed my test and drive DH to work and back, I did the food shopping, I drove us out on day trips and family holidays. We're a team. And for me it was still better, I didn't have to take food shopping on the bus, I knew i was safer as night in my own car than on public transport, nipping up town for something was easier, we could go on day trips and holidays that before would have been hard or even impossible. To me, it has greatly helped my quality of life, especially now we have kids! But it's completely up to you if you want to do it and if you can do it.
3 years later DH passed his test aswell (money was why we did one, worked on my no claims bonus, and then had enough to pay for DH). Because we staggered our learning it's affordable for us to run 2 cars and got a few no claims in on both sides before having kids to save money.
But it depends if it's what you want to do.
DH was walking 3 miles to work before I learned to drive and I WANTED to help him. I wanted to know his day was easier because of my help.
I also did all the cooking, cleaning, food shopping but I was working part time, so it worked for us. I now still do the cooking and cleaning but have swapped working part time to SAHM.

Blanchedupetitpois · 17/11/2018 08:02

You should learn to drive because you can, and because it’s an incredibly useful skill which you will benefit from your whole life.

That aside, what do you get from your relationship with your DH? Because he sounds like a lazy, entitled shit. When you pass your test I wouldn’t even for a moment consider offering to take over giving him lifts, except for as and when it suits you.

Holidayshopping · 17/11/2018 08:28

That aside, what do you get from your relationship with your DH? Because he sounds like a lazy, entitled shit. When you pass your test I wouldn’t even for a moment consider offering to take over giving him lifts, except for as and when it suits you

This. He’s a spoilt princess!

Have you discussed what will happen when you pass? Is he assuming you’ll be his taxi service? Does his mum really take and collect him every day??

Why isn’t he learning to drive?

How do you manage now with food shopping, holidays etc?

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