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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU- newlywed debates

30 replies

Loli2 · 16/11/2018 20:32

Hi all
DH and i married earlier this year and bought first home.
DH wants to use our savings and some of my personal savings to buy himself a car (we dont even have that much lol). Not a flashy one but something normal. Just because his is old.
I dont think its fair to use them all and definately dont think its fair to use my own personal? He says he put more money into purchase of the house and now doesnt have money for this (which is true) but he does earn much more.
I suggested using some of joint savings and taking out small loan so we have some left but he says thats stupid when we have it there.
Feel like i will have been working hard all year and nothing to show for it personally other than a car for DH which i wont be driving
AIBU and selfish?? Just not sure what to think as not used to this. Maybe it is normal.

OP posts:

Kpo58 · 16/11/2018 20:34

How much money are we talking? £1500, then YABU, £15000 then YANBU.

MrsStrowman · 16/11/2018 20:35

Did you contribute the same to the house as he did? If not it's not an unreasonable request, because of you'd contributed as much as he did he'd have some personal savings like you do, to buy a car. If you paid fifty fifty for the house, it really depends how you split your money, some couples only have joint finances others have joint and personal, but it still wouldn't be fair it's he contributes more than you day to day and that's why you're able to save more

Original poster

Loli2 · 16/11/2018 20:39

So he wants to use about 8000 of joint savings and 2000 of mines ( we will then have no savings).
He did contribute aroind 10000 more than me which i acknowledge is significant bit he does get paid alot more and what i contributed(15000) was literally all of my savings. I would have given more if i could have.

OP posts:

Original poster

Loli2 · 16/11/2018 20:41

P.s. we contribute the same equally to house/bills etc now we are married and living together

OP posts:

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 16/11/2018 20:41

How long will it take to resave that amount? How urgently do you need the new car?

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 16/11/2018 20:43

Sorry another annoying question.... How more proportionally does he earn than you?

Leah91 · 16/11/2018 20:46

I think he is being a bit unreasonable. You should always have some savings in case of emergencies. He should consider a small loan or even leasing a car, or just getting a cheaper one. I would never demand money from my husband even though he has more saved up than me. We're each fairly independent financially and it suits us. You have a right to say how you use your savings, you don't lose out because you're married. But it's probably best to talk about it with him calmly so you can both understand how each other feels, why does he feel he needs a new car so badly?

IHeartMarmiteToast · 16/11/2018 20:46

Well if you have it in savings you'll be earning less in interest than you'll pay on a loan. However if it leaves you with no rainy day fund .....

No help here it's really up to you

MrsStrowman · 16/11/2018 20:47

Why does he need a ten grand car? £8000 is plenty to get something reasonable. YANBU why wipe yourselves out for a car?? If he earns more than you, but you contribute the same as him to monthly costs that's even more rain not to give him the money you've saved

MrsStrowman · 16/11/2018 20:47

Also 2k he could put on an interest free credit card, so it's not even about interest

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/11/2018 20:51

If you own a house you have to have a cushion and blowing every penny on a car is madness.

What if he does that and then the boiler breaks or you have to replace something in the house that isn’t just a bit old?

He presumably contributed what he was happy to do so to the house purchase. What would you have said at the time to him telling you he expected it back from you for something that would only benefit him?

If you earn different amounts, why are you splitting your living costs equally? He should be putting in proportionally more so your fun spends are the same.

Batteriesallgone · 16/11/2018 20:51

why can’t he wait? Is his car a write-off?

How old is this idea? I wouldn’t spunk 10k on anything without thinking about it for a few months. How much more will you save in the next few months?

How expensive are you anticipating Christmas to be?

Original poster

Loli2 · 16/11/2018 20:51

He honestly does need a new car so thats not an issue. He earns id say 30000 extra than me per annum. Hard to say how long it will take us to save that again as we are still rennovating house so most funds going on that month to month. I think we have had different upbringings and i have always been used to having a bit of a reserve where as he has not.
I am thinking of should i go on maternity next year etc and we would need these.
He says we just prioritise the funds as we need them which in theory could be true. I just dint know AIBU, selfish or too cautious? Or none of these and im right!

OP posts:

DoJo · 16/11/2018 20:52

I agree with him that there is no point getting a loan when you have savings - you won't be earning as much in interest as you will be paying, so it will just be throwing money away unnecessarily.

That said, £8k is plenty for a car if he just wants something reliable to get him around, so I'd question why he needs extra just out of the spirit of not spending it simply because it's 'there'.

Batteriesallgone · 16/11/2018 20:54

I don’t understand his money into the house argument. You are married it’s your joint home. It’s massively shitty to hold ‘I paid more than you’ over your head over a totally different expense.

Sounds like he’s trying to guilt you into getting his way tbh.

Original poster

Loli2 · 16/11/2018 20:55

@AnneLovesGilbert i know for a fact he was hapoy to contribute more than me to the house and i know he has no issue with that. He is quite generous in general abd he would think nothing of giving it to me if i needed it. I think thats why he finds me so unreasonable that i wouldnt do it for him. But i feel i have to work a lot harder than him to save this amount

OP posts:

Original poster

Loli2 · 16/11/2018 20:59

@Batteriesallgone yeah i didnt think the previous funds sgould really come into it but he says he should have thought to keep some for car in that case.
He really does need a car because its broken down several times this year and he keeps having to put oil in it etc. Its over 10 yrs old and a lot of miles i suppose he has been putting it off in general

OP posts:

Eliza9917 · 16/11/2018 21:04

I'd there something wrong with his current car or does the just WANT a new one?

That would be s home he deciding factor for me and also, you can get perfectly good cars for a lot, lot, less than 10k.

Unless he wants a brand new one?

twiglet · 16/11/2018 21:06

From experience its not wise to use all of your savings especially on something which loses value the minute you get in it!

For starters house renovations can cost alot if you find unexpected things be it damp, roof issue etc.

My DH suffered unexpected redundancies (companies going bust) without us having kept a buffer we would have been screwed.

I don't think it's sensible to use majority of savings for a car and I also wouldn't use personal savings towards it. Like I said cars devalue very quickly.

You could have a compromise of using 4K of joint savings and the rest bought on credit card which is switched to long term 0% credit card (usually doing it this way is far better than a loan or car finance) and paid that way.

Other option would be to buy a more reasonable priced second hand car.

Original poster

Loli2 · 16/11/2018 21:12

@twiglet thats my thoughts too.

Will discuss it again with him...

OP posts:

Batteriesallgone · 16/11/2018 21:13

Oh and can I say maternity leave should absolutely not be funded by your personal savings.

Children are a joint expense. Joint. If you fund maternity you’ll end up being the one who buys the clothes, shoes, puts in the charity pot at school etc etc

I know so many couples with seperate or semi-seperate finances where the mum is ‘poor’ because she spends it on the kids and the bloke is loaded it makes me sick. Don’t get into that trap OP.

Personally we don’t have seperate anything. Everything that is his, is mine (SAHM )

Owlettele · 16/11/2018 21:16

I think you're right to want a buffer of money there. Particularly if you're thinking about children soon. I honestly think 8k is loads for a car and he could choose a car for between 6 and 8 (or even less) and not have to touch your savings + potentially have some of joint savings left too!

Santaclarita · 16/11/2018 21:20

What car is he wanting? 10 grand is an awful lot for a car. You can get really good second hand ones much cheaper than that. That won't be brand new unless it's a shit car, and that's just stupid then.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 16/11/2018 21:50

I think when you're married, purchases are a joint decision as savings and finances are joint. Also it's about want not need.

So I don't think it's about who put in what.

Does he need a new car? If his is very old and keeps breaking then yes. Does he need to spend 10k on a new car? Probably not. He can still get a decent almost new pré registered one within warranty for half of this if he's not fussy about specs and colours etc and goes to one of those car supermarket places. If you've just bought a house and are still doing it up and planning kids then I don't think spending more just to get a car that essentially just looks better or whatever is justifiable.

It is his car but I think you should both get a say. I think you're being sensible leaving some money aside for a rainy day but you need to agree on this. All it takes is one person being made redundant or one of you to have an accident and those savings are essential. I know a couple who have had good careers and one of them has been made redundant and the other had a car crash and sick pay ran out and suddenly they are in the shit. I'm not trying to catastrophise but just saying you are right to want to set some aside.

I'd have a chat about savings in general ad you need to be on the same page. In my opinion it seems silly to spend more than you need to on a car if it will leave you with literally nothing. A few years down the line if you have a lot more disposable income then fair enough

OlennasWimple · 16/11/2018 21:53

If you are married and have bought a house together, why do bills get split evenly such that you have far less disposable income than him?

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