To be so upset?

[IratePanda]

So, on Wednesday I was admitted to hospital at 36+6 weeks pregnant with suspected pre eclampsia. Came on super suddenly, as I was fine the day before at the midwife appointment, but the next day, severe swelling, headaches, nausea, protein in the urine and high blood pressure. I'm still undergoing tests, and they're trying to find a way to stabilise me until my scheduled induction on Thursday, but if it has worsened tomorrow they want to deliver. Anyway, for the last few days DP has been great, we only really have one another as his family is 300 miles away down south, and I am NC with mine. Today he texts me saying he may be late because he wanted a bath, which was fine. Visiting on the ward is 12pm to 9:30pm for partners, so it wasn't a big deal. Then an hour or so later I get a text saying he feels a bit overwhelmed with the situation, and needs a bit of time before coming up to calm himself down. Again, I understood. Then after another few hours he says he doesn't feel well, has been dry heaving and shivering.. Anyway, fast forward to now, he's still not been up to see me, and I've been sat on my own upset, and worried sick about our baby all day. Am I being unreasonable to be so upset that he seems to care more about that than coming to see me while I'm in this predicament? I really needed him.

So something very off is happening here, OP - you clearly don't have a very good relationship. I'm sorry to be blunt, especially when you are ill and scared and heavily pregnant, but the dynamic here is troubling.

I couldn't disagree more. It's a very stressful situation for both of you, you can have an amazing relationship and this could take it's toll. It's way over the top to suggest that it's a serious relationship problem. It's a horrible situation to be in, and very stressful, something that people deal with in different ways, some of which can be physical. It sounds like the OP is married to a stressed hypochondriac and it's really annoying that he is not stepping up more, and upsetting, but ultimately not a sign of anything sinister.

@Scatteredthoughtss

My point was that she has immediately jumped to the idea that her husband is lying about being ill because he doesn't care enough to come and see her, and he is miffed at not being the centre of attention.

Now, either she is correct in her assessment of him (in which case, he sounds pretty shit) or she is accusing her partner of something pretty terrible with no evidence.

Either way, this is not a great relationship.

When I'm ill, my partner looks after me. And when he's ill, I don't accuse him of lying about it for attention. I would say that was pretty standard, no?

TheBigBangRocks You are so fucking ignorant about preeclampsia-the OP is in serious jeopardy as well as her baby. Good luck OP please ignore idiots like BigBang

How are you feeling now op?

Can people not actually read? TheBigBangRocks was commenting on the OP stating that he is prone to one-upmanship if the OP has complained in the past about being ill.

While he could be being over-dramatic, I'm going to agree with others that IBS can be severely exacerbated by stress.
I used to suffer from it and the adrenaline rush from heightened anxiety would bring on cramps and spasms, to say nothing of vomiting. I actually vomited on the train (into a plastic bag) on the way to do a university exam once!
So, while it properly sucks that he can't be there to support you, he'd probably not be much use if his IBS is kicking off big-time either - don't be TOO hard on him, because it won't entirely be his fault and you don't want him vomming around you.

Also, I hope that the hospital deal with your pre-eclampsia and you are allowed out soon, hopefully with your new baby. x

I’m torn. It may actually be a bug in which case he NEEDS to stay away rather than roaming through a hospital like Typhoid Mary. If it is truely his IBS flaring (likely due to stress) then it could genuinely be difficult for him to leave home.

If he’s just having an oh shit, woe is me, overwhelmed momement he just needs to put on his big boy pants and deal with it. Not doing so is arseholish in this situation.

Hard to know which of these scenarios it is though.

How hard has he tried to communicate with you OP?
Sounds strange to say the least.

Just an update, I spoke to DP frequently last night, and although I was upset that he could not be there I realise it was crappy of me to feel like he didn't want to be there. He does suffer from anxiety and depression for which he's in therapy for. I think whatever it was will pass, and he knows fully how much I truly needed him.

Trying to remain stress free. Thank you all for your responses, and hopefully I'll be on the mend soon.

Good luck OP you will be in the mend as soon as your baby has been born.

Prepare yourself mentally for the fact that you may have to go through this on your own. Let hospital staff know that your husband is suffering from stress induced illness and might not be able to be with you. They should be able to give you extra support as a result.

I'm not sure it's healthy to only have each other though. Maybe you can go to some mother and baby groups to make some friends. Don't just rely on one person for everything. He's already shown he's unreliable.

I had friends at work, but had to leave my job due to being put on bedrest through the pregnancy, my friends there were also. Pregnant at the time and have had their babies so it's kind of like we've all drifted apart.

I hope when I am feeling better that I'll be able to get out with my little one and make some friends.

OP, we have very similar lives, it seems. I also have a DH who suffers from IBS, anxiety and depression. We have no local friends (moved last year) and spend 98% of the time solely with each other. I'm also at a late stage of pregnancy.

I know it can be so hard to deal with. I've lost patience with him so many times, which is horrible of me, but he talks about his illness so much I've heard it all before. I can't mention pain in my bump or not wanting to eat or anything to do with my abdomen because he'll say something like "It's the same for me".

It sounds as though your DH is really worried about you and he's probably feeling guilty for not being able to step up for you when you need him. I can only suggest having a moan when you need to but not to him; it's his mental state making him act this way. But then, living with him you probably know this anyway. Hopefully you'll meet some lovely new friends once the baby is born and things will gradually start to improve. That's what I'm hoping for myself, too!

Wishing you and your baby a safe delivery x

How are you doing OP?