Overnight contact concerns

[Concernedmummyoftwo]

You
Me and my ex partner have a contact order in place stating that he is to have overnight contact once a week as of last Sunday. He had our daughter and refused to give me an address of where he and our daughter was staying. He stayed at his fiancés house with our daughter because “he didn’t feel comfortable having her by himself overnight” what can I do? I don’t feel comfortable letting her stay overnight with him

Are your concerns about him, his partner or the mystery address?

It’s the fact that he’s saying he doesn’t feel comfortable having her overnight and because I have no idea where my daughter is

How old is your daughter?

She’s 1 years old

Given there’s a contact Order in place since just last week it seems a family Court Judge has recently decided he is safe to have your daughter over night. You cannot breach the court order so if you have proof of him not being capable you need to apply back to court to have the order changed.

Have you a reason to be concerned ?

It is better that there are two adults there. Try and think of it that way. It is natural to feel worried about your child though if they are staying with someone who says they are not comfortable with them.

I just don’t know what to do for the best

You permit the contact as the court told you to. If she's only 1 and he's already got a fiance he's presumably spent very few nights with her so it's hardly a surprise that he is currently nervous to have her overnight alone but allowing the contact will be helpful in him beginning to feel more comfortable.

The court have ruled that contact can take place, so you should permit the contact, unless you want him to take you back to court (and risk being seen as a hostile, alienating parent). Your post comes across as if you're looking for an excuse to frustrate contact. You need to change your attitude, or your hostility to contact will undermine your child's relationship with their father and do them harm.

@RightOcciputAnterior
That’s bit harsh post comes across as OP being a worried mum.
I was nervous first time my DC stayed with my mum overnight aged 2 and my sister was helping her. I loved and trusted them both plus DC was also happy but I remember saying to my husband what if something happens to us both.
OP doesn’t know her exes girlfriend and he’s nervous plus has no idea where her baby is I’d be really upset too.
Ex seems a bit cruel why can’t he say where he is and introduce his girlfriend.

Does the court order not state where the contact should be?

Can the fiancé not stay at his house?

Is he being intentionally difficult?

@RightOcciputAnterior I’m not hostile at all, I’ve promoted contact from day one and I’ve done everything in my power to make sure our daughter has the bond she needs with her dad. He is being intentionally difficult and always is. If I was trying to be “the alienating parent” then surely I wouldn’t have went into court and asked that he has more time with our daughter? He requested every other weekend. I requested two full days a week and one overnight stay. I’m not trying to stop contact I just want to make sure him and our daughter are both ready for that. It’s concerning that he’s saying he doesn’t feel comfortable having her alone and unreasonable to not let me know exactly where our daughter is staying. What If there was an emergency? Also, allowing her first overnight contact to take place in a strange house is completely disregarding our daughters’ emotional well being.

In essence I agree with you. Maybe you should suggest he doesn’t have her overnight until he feels confident. Or happy to have DD and his fiancé at his house or share the address.. I had similar with my ex, however he can say he is at address a) and be at address b) anyway,

it may be more fruitful to try and build a better relationship between you over the next few years. Co parenting is difficult and takes two reasonable people. My DS is now 11, we are both married to others and we have ‘a reasonable’ relationship as Co parents, it hasn’t been without issue, but we are on,y where we are because at times we have both swallowed it back and gritted teeth. Good luck