Question for single parents.....

[sallysec]

If you have children and your ex only sees them every other weekend....do they contact the kids inbetween visits like FaceTime etc etc? Do they contact you to ask how they are?

I’ve got a thread on this in lone parents at the mo. Ds is refusing to go to see his dad this weekend because he’s not heard from him in a month since last visit. Like others, I don’t understand it, I’m sad, I’m angry. Out of sight out of mind seems to be how they all play it! My ex boyfriend (not Ds dad) called his kids every day unless they were busy or something.

I'm not bothered about calling my kids when they're with exH - I know they're happy and safe, they don't much like sitting in front of a screen talking to me (because I see how difficult it is for them to do it when talking to exH) and I don't want them to start feeling like they miss me and get upset. Nothing weird about it - I'm putting them first IMO.

We have one scheduled call. It's in the court order. There used to be more phone/Facetime contact but this was a follow on from the abuse when I was with him and only used to control us and cause disruption rather than communicate with DC. Ex doesn't enquire about DC in between even when I've told him they are ill but that's because out of sight is out of mind 🙄

We've gone through various stages - exH used to call dd all the time, but it wasn't a good experience for her, as he used berate her for not calling him first and tell her how lonely he was and how much he missed her. She used to feel guilty and unsettled after each call. We went back to court for various reasons, and contact was reduced, and then he stopped calling. He doesn't know what's going on her life, ignores her birthday, Christmas etc.

I can see that in his eyes, he feels like he can't win - first too much contact, then too little. The underlying problem is the same: he can't see that it's about meeting her need to feel loved and secure. It's all about his experience of the relationship.

I have 50/50 custody of my DS and whoever he isn't with facetimes him for 5 mins or so each evening. Ex and I message generally about how he is/things we need to know (he's only 2 so can't impart any of the info himself)