Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Old flame messing me around???

3 replies

Magnum22 · 16/11/2018 00:33

Name changed to keep this as anonymous as possible.

To give a bit of background - about nine years ago I met a man who was very charming and we got on very well, similar interests etc. Unfortunately, he told me he had met someone whilst on holiday but wanted to meet me again before he committed to this other woman. I told him that was neither fair on me or the other woman and we left it at that.

Long story short - he moved to America for her, married her but has since split from her. Bit of a red flag - he says they still love and care for each other and from what I can see online they still spend a lot of time together.

We got chatting again recently and he said 'why don't you come to spend Christmas with me in the states'. I am planning on going travelling and he knew this. I said I would meet him there if I was in the country but within less than 24 hours after suggesting it, he sent me another message saying it would be a whirlwind and he can't do that right now. I now feel totally stupid for agreeing to such a thing.

I tried to be polite (in recognising I had been a bit naive too) and told him I understood that he was not long out of a marriage etc but I also felt messed around to which he replied 'you're overthinking it'.

I've since blocked him from all social media so that he can't contact me but a part of me feels I've maybe been a bit harsh. AIBU? Has anyone else had any similar experiences? Just after some thoughts really as I feel quite disappointed in myself and also quite upset about it.

OP posts:
Lovingbenidorm · 16/11/2018 00:37

Do you like being messed about?
Genuine question. This bloke is dicking with you, don’t let him! Stop being a doormat.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/11/2018 00:43

Give your head a wobble. This man is a world class twat.

Polkasq · 16/11/2018 00:56

No, you haven't been harsh on him at all, just on yourself! He may seem charming but that's because he is testing the waters to see if he can keep you on a string for convenient hook-ups now and again, and get away with letting you down when he feels like it. I suspect the "whirlwind" excuse is because he will be seeing his ex. You deserve someone who doesn't put you in for a competition against someone else, or invite you for Christmas and then cancel straight away, and doesn't blame and gaslight you when you rightly call him out on his selfish and inconsistent behaviour. Keep him blocked, and move on.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page