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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is he being childish?

25 replies

jade19 · 16/11/2018 00:31

My partner has a habit of wanting to just spend money.
On Tuesday he turned to me and asked me if we can buy a new Tv. He went through and gave me a massive list of things that are great with it. And finished the conversation by saying "If you dont want to get the TV that's fine."
So I went away and thought about it and decided I didn't want to get a new TV. The one we have has absolutely nothing wrong with it and we are meant to be trying to build some savings up.
Yesterday I told him that I didn't really want to get the new TV as the one we have is fine. It's old but it has nothing wrong with it. He can still play the XBOX and you can watch it.
Ever since he has been in a mood with me. Hardly spoke to me last night. When we did speak the tv would always be brought up.
Today when he was at work he sent me a bunch of messages saying he had ordered the t.v. behind my back. It turns out it was a joke but after he rang me on his break. I knew he had me on loud speaker so all his friends could hear me and when we got into the same conversation AGAIN he got quite shitty with me because I wouldn't change my mind. He has since been ignoring my messages and has litterally gone to bed without even saying goodnight.
I get he is disappointed but he's 27! Surely he can understand he can't always get his way.
I am not totally innocent in this I have been short with him whenever, the tv has been mentioned and I have apologised but he is still ignoring me...

OP posts:
Magmatic80 · 16/11/2018 00:33

He sounds hard work. Is he like this over many things?

penisbeakers · 16/11/2018 00:39

Yes he is being monumentally childish.

Original poster
jade19 · 16/11/2018 00:45

No not normally like this. He is use to getting what he wants (only child) but never like this. I mean it could be something else I have done but as he is point blank refusing to speak to me so I don't know. We have 2 children. Our eldest is 2 and he doesn't have paddies like this.
I'm dreading tomorrow. Because i dont want an atmosphere around the kids.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 16/11/2018 00:46

He’s being truly pathetic. And he lied to you. Because it’s clearly very much not “fine” that you said you didn’t want a new tv.

You have nothing to apologise for, stop doing that immediately.

He’s not only being childish but really mean and very unfair by punishing you by refusing to speak to you when he’s the one in a strop over something so trivial.

Has this happened before? It’s not about him wanting to spend money that would bother me, though it’s annoying and immature when you’ve both agreed to try and save. It’s the way he’s trying to get you to just go along with what he wants and now trying to wear you down to toeing the line by making your life uncomfortable when you’ve been more than fair and reasonable.

That makes him sound pretty manipulative and unpleasant.

Eliza9917 · 16/11/2018 00:49

He'd being childish in the way he's behaving but why do you get final say? Do you split your money so you get equal spends out of what's left? Could he get one on finance and pay for it out of that?

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/11/2018 11:20

They've both agreed to save money and he wants to replace something that's currently fit for purpose and doesn't warrant replacing. That's unreasonable.

Shoxfordian · 16/11/2018 11:38

He's acting like a child, it's ridiculous

SillyLittleBiscuit · 16/11/2018 11:46

Bloody Nora - he sounds ridiculous.

Alfie190 · 16/11/2018 11:49

I spend my money quite freely on the whole, DH is a bit more restrained. We are a mortgage free, child free professional couple in our 40s with savings but we could not bring ourselves to replace our ten year old TV because it was still working fine!

But the part of this story that disturbs me the most, is that he put you on loud speaker with all his friends around in order to continue this discussion. That shows a complete lack of respect to me.

adaline · 16/11/2018 12:23

He sounds ridiculous.

But surely if he wants to buy a new TV he can buy one from his own savings?

DH and I have our own money once necessities are paid. He spends his on bikes and workout gear, mine goes on clothes or electronics. I wouldn't dream of telling him he couldn't spend his own money on something he wanted. So long as bills are paid and money has gone into savings, what he does with the rest is entirely up to him!

l12ngo · 16/11/2018 12:26

Wow, this sounds very tiresome. Yes, it sounds very childish.

RedSkyLastNight · 16/11/2018 12:29

The pretending he'd bought it and the loudspeaker thing are childish.

But essentially his priorities are different to yours. Your point of view is not necessarily more valid than his.

I don't know how your family finances are organised but what helped DH and I (he also likes spending money on things I can't see the point of) was to assign part of the family budget to "personal spends". Then he has money he can spend on the things he likes and you consider frivolous (yes, it might take a while to save up for something like a TV).

Justanothernameonthepage · 16/11/2018 12:53

I'd be tempted to start talking about how brilliant it would be to get a Dyson airwrap because X and every time he brings up the TV, bring up the Dyson.
But his behaviour is the worrying thing. It's fine to disagree and have different priorities, but treating you that suggests he's not good at dealing with anything that goes against his expectations. And he either learns a better way to resolve conflict or you get to live with a sulky child in a man's body. Or to leave/move out till he grows up a bit.

ChristmasFluff · 16/11/2018 13:05

pairedlife.com/problems/silent-treatment-abuse

Point out to him that silent treatment is abuse. I hope you wouldn't want to be in an abusive relationship, and that you will take the steps necessary if he doesn't stop it.

The putting you on speaker-phone to his friend is also really manipulative.

He sounds nasty, not childish.

Whocansay · 16/11/2018 13:22

He put you on speaker phone, so his mates could take the piss? Lordy. What a prince among men.

Childish? Yes. But that crosses a line and shows a massive lack of respect for you.

IAmcuriousyellow · 16/11/2018 13:23

He’s being a big baby, trying to pout you into buying him a new toy

Lazypuppy · 16/11/2018 14:05

He is being childish, but why can't he spend his own money on a tv if thats what he wants?

My partner and i keep some of our salaries seperate from joint account for reasons like this. If my partner wanted to buy a new tv, he can carry on, doesn't have to ask permission! I would hate to have to ask permission to spend money i had earnt

Original poster
jade19 · 17/11/2018 00:46

Thank you all for your views from both perspective. We live off one wage and we have 2 kids. If we had both been working I would have thought more about it.
He appologise to me this morning and nothing else was said yet, the moment he went into e and was paying with his friends he started all back up again.
I'm just treating him the same as i would our 2 year old and ignoring his temper tantrums xxc

OP posts:
mumsy27 · 17/11/2018 01:01

Your husband is showing immaturity and impulse buying.hopefully he will grow out of it.
You are right to insist, however use your persuasion than a NO answer.
You will have those moments when you would love a new kitchen.
People saying his money his decision are wrong.
You are married to each other,you are ONE unit you survive together or sink together.
Remind him of your commitment to save for a better life for example buying your own place for example .

Weenurse · 17/11/2018 01:08

My husband was like this, any extra money had to be spent.
He also never went without as a child.
I remember getting my first shop bought item of clothing at 12 years of age, Not a hand me down or home made item. I kept that top into my 20’s.
I would say no to spending and he would sulk. Now we compromise, he can have it if he saves for it and it does not impact on the household budget. So I am not saying ‘no’ but ‘you need to save’

Weenurse · 17/11/2018 01:14

Going to give you our budget tips.
3 linked bank accounts, account 1 gets 60% of household income to pay mortgage, bills, food, transport etc,
Account 2 gets 20% income, this is the splurge account for dinners out, hairdresser, hobbies and we have a $200 limit that we can spend without discussion with the other person.
Account 3 gets final 20% of income and this is savings, to be used for holidays, cars and, if he must,a new TV.
We also have 3 months wages in an account for illness or redundancy.
Good luck

mumsy27 · 17/11/2018 01:17

Weenurse sounds reasonable
One family,one unit, one budget.

LurpakIsTheOnlyButter · 17/11/2018 01:18

Tell him you are pregnant. With twins. And that TV will never ever be part of life again, apart from as a babysitter

3ChangingForNow · 17/11/2018 01:21

Have separate 'spending' accounts, and if he wants to blow all his money, then fine. You save yours. If you are a SAHM you need to get yourself some financial protection sharpish.

Original poster
jade19 · 18/11/2018 20:19

@3changingfornow When I left my job I did this just incase, we ever separated I had money to get me and the kids somewhere to live xx

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