To not want husband near our baby

[dhisannoying]

Long story short...but not that short...it's that time of year and the whole family is bogged down with colds.

Dh and I have just had a baby and he is almost 11 weeks old. He is a bit sniffly but not as bad as my husband and I.

What's really starting to piss me off is that DH has this horrendous habit of not covering his mouth or nose when he coughs/sneezes, to a point where he sometimes directly coughs onto our baby.

I have told him time and time again to put his fucking hand up (should I really have to ask?!?!?) but he still isn't getting the message and I'm getting quite angry now and feeling like I don't want him near the baby while he's ill which is breaking my heart.

I don't quite understand how a man of a certain age or anyone of any age older than fucking 4 doesn't automatically put their hand up, especially with a newborn in their arms? I know I'm the one who will suffer the consequences, and more importantly my poor little cherub will if this makes his sniffles gets worse.

AIBU? How can I get him to get a grip without being a total bitch like I'm starting to?

PS he's the most amazing father generally and I'm really quite surprised he even does this because he's got his head screwed on quite tightly.

Tomortow at mealtime have a hacking cough right onto his plate as he is about to tuck in.

Dirty sod. Hope you sent him for a clean bottle. He sounds utterly rank tbh.

He sounds disgusting (and thick)

It's all very well to say that babies are going to catch colds, but this baby is only 11 weeks old, and it is now the RSV season. DD was in hospital on humidity and oxygen with bronchiolitis at 6 months, so why would anyone not try to reduce the risk?

Your husband is truly a nasty fucker, but your baby will be just fine, even if he does get the cold. Germs are good for us.

Definitely start deliberately and theatrically coughing loudly in his face and into his food and drink whenever possible.

He will get it.

Your baby will get the. Old anyway, but if you’re breastfeeding it’ll likely be to a lesser extent so that’s something. Well done.

As a separate issue. Your husband is a dirty pig and I wouldn’t be able to fancy him with no manners.

It's better to cough/sneeze into your elbow rather than your hand.

Is this the first time he's been sick since you've known him?

'I know I'm the one who will suffer the consequences, and more importantly my poor little cherub will if this makes his sniffles gets worse.'

YABU

Pretty gross, not covering his mouth. But unless he washes his hands immediately after coughing into them before touching the baby, he will pass it on anyway. But please try to get him to use a tissue, sounds like he will do what he wants though.

No, YANBU. Also I don't understand why lots of posters are saying baby will inevitably get the cold, which is probably making you feel more stressed. DH and I both had the misfortune of coming down with a nasty cold virus thing when our DD was about the same age as yours. She didn't get it.

"DH and I both had the misfortune of coming down with a nasty cold virus thing when our DD was about the same age as yours. She didn't get it."

Probably because you didn't cough and sneeze all over her.

Disgusting.

Hope you sent him straight back down with the bottle and told him to disinfect it.

Also I don't understand why lots of posters are saying baby will inevitably get the cold

Wonders if those people whole would like their face sneezed on

YY to coughing into his meal tomorrow, or you could tell him you didn't bother washing your hands after using the loo and then hand him something to eat.

Off topic, but hygiene - my FIL really irritates me because of his hygiene around my two asthmatic children, last time we saw them he put his fingers in my daughters mouth twice, after we'd been around a wildlife park and then out and driven to the restaurant - and had the cheek to say when I pulled him up on it - 'I washed my hands when I went to the toilet before I left' then 'my car is clean'.... fine...just don't put your fingers in your granddaughters mouth then! (It was a tooth gap related, completely unreasonable reason).... Filth!

Yes, sorry - I meant posters who were saying that it doesn't matter whether the DP coughs/sneezes on baby as they will get it either way - our baby didn't get it and I'm confident that our scrupulous hygiene played some part in that.

I couldn't be with a man who had that little respect for me or my child that he couldn't do something as simple as covering his mouth when sneezing or coughing. Just absolutely disgusting.

Tbh your baby will probably get the cold anyway but that doesn’t excuse your DH being completely fucking gross. I think you’re entitled to be a dick about it until he learns tbh - it’s a repulsive and selfish habit that he needs to overcome!

Op did you not notice this disgusting habit of his before now? Surely this isn't the first time he's had a cough/cold. Why on earth haven't you tackled him about this before? It is absolutely gross to cough/sneeze on anyone, never mind a little baby. And when you tell him to cover his mouth, why is he unable to do that the next time? As a previous poster said - bet he doesn't do this with his colleagues or others. Probably keeps this disgusting, disrespectful behaviour just for you and your child. I don't know how you can find him in any way attractive.

It’s not inevitable that the baby gets the cold if you practice adequate infection control, eg. not spraying him with viral particles every few minutes.

Your husband needs to learn better manners but I'm not sure that this is the right time for that, you're probably all stressed and sleep deprived. Just tell him to carry tissue at all times and use them.
BTW I heard sneezing into your elbow is better than covering your mouth with hands if you don't have a tissue to hand - it's much harder to spread germs around from the crook of your arm.
But yes, the baby is going to be exposed to cold germs even if your husband had perfect hygiene.

My twin GCs are just getting over bronchiolitis. They had difficulty breathing, terrible coughs and looked like they were choking several times. They have had several visits to the GP and out of hours but thankfully no hospital admissions.

DS1 is a medical researcher who worked with hospital inpatients in the USA. It was protocol for staff always to cough/sneeze into their elbows.

And breastfeeding helps with immunities but won't prevent colds or chest infections. I have a friend whose EBF baby was admitted to hospital with a chest infection.

Tell your DH he needs to seriously up his game - his hygiene is disgusting and dangerous.

If your baby is already snuffly OP, it suggests he already has the cold - he may get a mild version or may get it badly, but no amount of additional exposure to the same germ will change that.

Colds spread extremely easily, every time someone coughs or sneezes the germs are launched into the air and land on surfaces. It's neither possible or desirable to go mad trying to avoid them. A healthy immune system needs to learn how to cope with everyday bugs and viruses.

Having said that though, your DH sounds a bit gross. It's rude and unpleasant to cough and sneeze over people, and coughing onto a sterilised bottle is just silly... although if baby already has the cold I guess it won't do any harm.

Yes, babies can develop nasty secondary infections from common cold viruses, but these viruses are everywhere and almost impossible to avoid.

Hope you all feel better soon.