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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder if this is platonic or romantic?

32 replies

Myasmam · 15/11/2018 13:33

Just wondering...close friend got very emotional last night and started telling me that he loved me so much, as much as his sisters, who he said were the women he loved most in the world and how I meant the world to him and all of this highly unusual stuff from him! we are super close and lines can be blurred at times, loads of daily contact and perhaps chemistry, but Im a bit taken aback.. platonic or romantic do you think?

OP posts:

MummysBusy · 15/11/2018 13:37

'Like a sister' sounds highly platonic to me. How do the lines tend to get blurred, and how often?

Alfie190 · 15/11/2018 13:43

Had he had a few too drink? :-) It sounds very platonic to me or he wouldn't have brought sisters into it, I suspect he was just tipsy.

Original poster

Myasmam · 15/11/2018 13:50

No drinks! Just in the context of me advising him on something etc. Blurred lines, in that he would comment on me physically in a positive way, constant complimenting on me as a person. I feel like I sound obnoxious here!I certainly dont mean to be. Plenty of chemistry, flirting but nothing ever really acted on... maybe a quick kiss on the lips that he said made him feel over the moon! we hung out together for 24 hours straight once, bar different rooms to sleep in; and he messaged me the evening after when I got home to say he had absolutely loved that time together on our own. Am I overthinking this?Its just so out of character for him?

OP posts:

Chouetted · 15/11/2018 14:00

I think you're overthinking it. It sounds like you're desperate for it to be "more than" platonic?

LEDadjacent · 15/11/2018 14:00

Your have your answer: kiss on the lips that he said made him feel over the moon

He lurves you. Do you want him to?

SixToEightInchesOfSnow · 15/11/2018 14:04

Sounds to me like he likes you...

Original poster

Myasmam · 15/11/2018 14:16

it was just a stupid drunken quick kiss on the lips ..my fault. not addressed for a few months and when i did pass a simple comment on it eg ..was that the night i gave you that quick kiss etc.. he responded with ...happiest night of my life hahaha and plenty of love hearts.its funny, I just thought it was a stupid drunken kiss between friends

OP posts:

tiggerkid · 15/11/2018 14:21

Could be either; depends on the context of the rest of your relationship.

MummysBusy · 15/11/2018 14:24

Oh. Not sure what to think now.
Can you just...ask him? It would be driving me barmy if that's how he carries on.

Sirzy · 15/11/2018 14:26

He is the only one who can tell you.

Me and my partner where best of friends (purely platonic) for 10 years before we got together nearly 3 years ago.

festivellama · 15/11/2018 14:32

Are you both single?

Original poster

Myasmam · 15/11/2018 14:33

No id be so embarrassed to ask just in case he didnt! To give context, we are a pair who are always together in and out of the friendship group so even i group, Itll be just us leading or exchanging chat and the rest join in. We are like a pair of magnets, if that doesnt sound mad . we spend our time apart texting eachother.. from videos to serious conversations. pretty intense i suppose. he is not in a relationship but in the recent past when he was, he would be texting me photos of places they were at that time with captions like.. thinking you would absolutely love it here..or asking if we could go away for a winter weekend to walk, eat and drink...not romantic but in a general..wouldnt it be bliss just the two of us...kind of way. not a formal invitation as such but just throwing out an idea. Im wondering am i completely overthinking this

OP posts:

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/11/2018 14:36

It all sounds platonic to me; if you like him and would like more I’d step back to stop your feelings getting hurt.

If he asks why, that’s the point when you say that you can’t focus everything onto a friend when you want a relationship.

mundaymoaner · 15/11/2018 14:37

i was friends with my husband for 10 years before we got together. i messaged him one day when i was drunk to say i fancied him!!! you only live once, just ask him!!! or you may regret it.

Fashionista101 · 15/11/2018 14:41

I'm such a romantic but, I think he's head over heals with you!

XJerseyGirlX · 15/11/2018 14:41

Yeah sounds to me like he wants more too, just maybe like you he is too scared to act on them.

BusterTheBulldog · 15/11/2018 14:43

Do you like him romantically op?? That is the question! I think he likes you.....

TheDarkPassenger · 15/11/2018 14:48

Difficult one! I have Male friends who I could honestly hand on heart say this sort of thing has happened and been purely platonic.
On the other hand there’s the Male friends like this who you go to for a shag, or end up dating, like my now partner.

You sound like you want it to be something more, so go for it!

Original poster

Myasmam · 16/11/2018 11:00

Oh I dont know!!! Im so afraid to say anything ! The actions and words are there for sure but Im certainly flattered and feel so complimented, no matter what happens.He is dating a girl, casually so I wouldnt go there at the moment. Id be so embarrassed if I had completely misread it. Do your close friends of opposite sex really act and talk to eachother like this?

OP posts:

NRPDad · 16/11/2018 12:07

Sounds like you are both a bit in love with each other?

Arrange to meet up for food, a few drinks at a bar after and see where the night takes you?

dontgobaconmyheart · 16/11/2018 12:53

I think he's tried to make it very obvious he likes you OP - although I'm not sure how highly I'd think of someone that was dating someone else but trying to get with me, and it's just rude and weird to be messaging you while he's on dates with her. If he's only with her because he can't have you and is stringing her along it doesn't reflect well on him in terms of what he thinks of her feelings or how he regards another person's feelings generally.
I also think men who try to creep into a romance via claiming they're your best friend 'like a sister' are very often a tad creepy and manipulativd. Have you ever been in a relationship while he's saying these things?
I don't think you're overthinking that he likes you at all since since he's obviously wants you to think he likes you best of all, although if it's been going on that long but nothing's happened maybe he does just enjoy (as do you) the endless ego boost from having someone always complimenting you and telling you they are your favourite (nothing wrong with that if it's not hurting anyone else, we've all been there).
I'm of the opinion you will meet lots of people in life you have chemistry with who you will get on with, I'm sure lots of people would feel similarly about you as he does so unless you really have deep feelings it doesn't 'have' to go further just because he apparently likes you.
He might actually say this stuff to all the girls he wants to sleep with, and things might be very different after he's 'got' you. You just don't know. I don't think it sounds like some huge romance rather than awkward, and he seems somewhat immature.
I would woman up and say to him "you say a lot of things which aren't really normal for a friendship, it's been going on a while and I'd like to discuss what you mean by it all really as it's confusing" - if you're that close friends And he's that desperate to get with you surely there's no issue in having an adult conversation, he'd leap on it. If not and he laughs it off and starts the 'like a sister' rubbish you'll know he's just full of it and likes the game more than he likes anything else. Either way it all seems like a lot of effort, if he won't even directly say he likes you even when you reciprocate and go away together, i' be worried about what he'd be like as a partner.

At the end of the day you know him better than us here OP and he can answer your questions if he wants, though whether he'll be honest when pressed seems 50/50.

Vitalogy · 16/11/2018 13:05

Well you've got more patience than me OP. I couldn't stand it, I'd have to ask straight out one way or another!

Harry was right IMO.

MrsStrowman · 16/11/2018 13:16

DH and I were platonic but very close from the age of 11-25 other than a couple of drunken snogs at sixth form that we both laughed off. We were very close and always gravitated towards each other even when we were in didn't relationships. Then we were out just the two of us one night at a gig both single 25YO (we often went out just the two of us) and another guy chatted me up and asked for my number, after checking if now DH was my boyfriend, I'd replied he wasn't. It seemed to confirm something to DH or at least make him realise there was more than friendship there. That night DH kissed me properly and didn't try and laugh it off, we've now been together nearly a decade, married and baby on the way. Sometimes it's worth sticking your neck out a bit OP.

Original poster

Myasmam · 16/11/2018 13:35

Thanks to each of you for taking the time to respond..He has started to see girl yes,but i know that its more of a friendship for both of them. Even if I didnt, know this, his contact with me alone would lead me to believe that he is either a sleaze or else not invested in the girl.we will not see eachother this weekend at all but we will be in constant text contact which really is very unusual for a friendship isnt it . Ive never stopped to think about the level of closeness and intensity and contact before but his comments the other evening were a bolt out of the blue and have set my head in a spin. we have a party coming up soon. I will be interested to see what happens at that. I think maybe this weekend I will drop a few comments to see how he reacts. I certainly dont want to be walking in and stampeding on a potential new relationship of his, unless I am sure of what I am doing.Would any of you have such an intense friendship or anything similar with a friend of the opposite sex? Thanks everyone for your thoughts so far

OP posts:

MrsStrowman · 16/11/2018 14:23

I've plenty of close male friends who I do talk to about personal things, trust and can rely on and vice versa, but none have had that intensity other than with DH. FWIW it transpires that neither of DHs serious partners before me liked me or his friendship with me not because they thought anything was going on, it wasn't, I was in relationships too and made a big effort to get along with both (the second made her dislike very clear) they just didn't like the intensity and easy connection as he didn't have the same with them , not that he ever cheated on either they could just see that what we had was different.

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