To ask for advice about siblings...

[Putmedownforanap]

I have two children, my daughter is nearly 3 and my son 8 months. Both are adopted, which isn't terribly relevant except to explain why I am a 'new Mum' to an 8 month old...

My son has been with us for about 5 weeks. He is a lovely, happy easy baby although it hasn't been the easiest few weeks as we've all been ill with various horrible bugs and are generally run down and exhausted.

My daughter is very excited about having a brother, but is really heavy handed and over the top with him. I can't leave them out of my sight for a second as she is always trying to pick him up, 'hug him' etc. If he is asleep in the rocker or buggy she wants to wake him up and she is always asking to 'help'.

It's driving me bananas! He is a pretty solid, calm baby but she quite often makes him cry (which then makes her cry) and I feel like I am always telling her off even though she isn't really doing anything wrong. I have tried to get her to do less 'hands on' stuff to help, like going and getting nappies/wipes etc. but she isn't interested...

Obviously I don't want to dampen her enthusiasm, but I'm finding it really hard to manage and I feel constantly guilty about both of them!

Does anyone have any wise words/reassurance? I'm thinking this is fairly normal behaviour???

Sorry, reading back my post it’s ‘all about me’. What I’d meant to say was that I would think adoption/attachment. Although your older child is not aggressive like ours, she sounds like she’s trying to co troll maybe? In which case, it could be attachment related?

It’s so hard to know what’s ‘normal siblings’ and what’s attachment related, isn’t it? It’s a question I ask myself almost daily!

Thank you jellycat that's really helpful, I'll try to do all those things . I think you're right, it almost doesn't matter whether her behaviour is linked to her adoption, it's more about supporting her as well as we can.

Rufus it hadn't occurred to me, but I think you're absolutely right, it is controlling behaviour. If he is sitting on the floor playing happily and both her Dad and I are there ready to give her attention and affection, she still wants to go over and 'bother' him. That's what makes it so tricky!

Hopefully if I focus on building her sense of security etc. when it's just the two of us that anxiety will gradually reduce and like you say jellycat I can worry about their bonding later.

Her foster parents are actually coming for lunch on Sunday (we see them every 2-3 months) so we can use that as an opportunity to talk lots about when she was a small baby etc. etc. She was 6 months when she came to us.

Thanks again all, yay for Mumsnet.