I have an auntie who has been incredibly supportive towards me and my 7mo dd. Very generous with time money and council. During this time however she has also given a lot of unsolicited advice and been quite pushy with it. Eg telling me not to pick up dd when she is crying and not to hold her as she will get too used to it. So if I'm not feeding or changing her she will go on and on about putting her down and leave her to cry. My style is more toward "attachment parenting" I have realised. If dd is crying I will see to her in a reasonable time as soon as possible. Literally everytime I see this auntie she is constantly pushing her way on me and I find it so irritating that I try to limit my time spent at her house and don't go around to see her as much as she would like because Im not very good at being assertive, so my way of managing that situation is basically to just try and limit contact. To be honest I find she undermines me quite insessently and I find it both tiring and irritating.
Said Auntie asked me to come to her house for the afternoon to help her out with something. I went over as she has done a lot for me and I want to try and be more helpful and generous which is something I'm working on. Whilst at her house whilst she was yet again repeating how I should leave dd to cry if she is changed and fed so I can get on with things, the conversation led on and I mentioned my dd had bit me whilst feeding and auntie said "did you smack her?" I said no and she said "youre silly. You should just tap her so she knows.. Not hard. You want her to be a good baby etc etc". I kind of brushed it off but didn't sternly address it in anyway. I don't plan on smacking my dd, even lightly and would not tolerate anyone else doing this. I just thought to myself.. OK well I won't be leaving dd with you then as its clear she has a very different parenting style than me.
A few hours passed and dd had a good day.. Towards the end she started to get fussy and started crying and auntie sat in front of her and just said "I'm not picking you up. No I'm not picking you up" and dd just sat there crying. I went over and picked her up and as I was walking away with dd in my arms auntie patted her twice on the bum! I kind of erupted in anger and said "don't do that!" and she was startled and said "what.. That? (did it again lightly) and I said" "no I don't like it". I was very angry. She just said oh "you don't like it. I'm sorry". She then used her fist and banged the couch twice next to where me and dd were sitting.. As if to tell dd she is naughty for crying. I didn't say anything.. Very annoyed and not wanting to say something I would regret in a disrespectful way to an auntie who has been really supportive but unfortunately just does does things in a different way to me that I really don't like. I put dds coat on and we left.
BTW this aunties two daughters are my dds godmothers. I saw them the next evening and they basically told me there mum was very upset as she was playing with my dd and I snapped at her. They basically told me not to speak to their mum like that again and I over reacted and was disrespectful. I have said I will apologise to the mum today. I'm very upset about the whole thing. I'm starting to notice a pattern.. I do have a bit of a complex of thinking people are undermining me when it comes to dd whether rightly or wrongly so I am aware of this.
AIBU? How would you handle this?
Thank you