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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is my mother?

13 replies

Savvylover211 · 14/11/2018 22:25

Long post warning. Looking for some advice.

A couple of months ago I went home to visit family for a few days. Over the course of the weekend I tried to fill in both my mother and my sister about my mental illnesses. I have depression and anxiety and my family aren't particularly clued up on mental health issues. Some things caused some tension but for the most part we were all on the same page.

On the very last night of being at home I was staying in my mother and her boyfriends house. We were all watching big brother and the whole thing about that girl from Glasgow getting kicked out for racist tweets came up. We ended up having a discussion about what was and wasn't classed as racism and then somehow got on to homophobia (I'm gay). Both my mother and her boyfriend tried to argue that the phrase that's so gay was an ok phrase to use while I tried to explain to them that it was homophobic language. I never once said either of them were homophobic. Now the whole thing got very heated and my mother's boyfriend ended up shouting at me, became very intimidating and actually quite scary. It got to the point where he verbally and emotionally abused me and mocked me as if I was a child, all while calling me a child, weak and telling me how I couldn't be depressed because I went to work everyday. Now all this led to me having multiple panic attacks and my mother didn't really do anything throughout the whole thing. While that in itself sucks it was the aftermath that really got to me. A few days after I got home my mother sent me a letter on facebook continually defending her boyfriend. Telling me he wasn't a negative person, (which was in response to me saying he was having a negative impact on my mental health) that they weren't racist, and they weren't homophobic. She completely twisted all of my words and made me out to be the bad person when I was the one who came out the worst from all of this.

After the letter she kept messaging me telling me that coming home obviously didn't agree with me, that my medication for my mental illnesses weren't working because I'd had panic attacks and I was arguing with someone. That she would like to come over here, come to the doctor with me and review my medication. All of this has really badly affected me and at the end of the conversation I ended up unfriending her on facebook which led to her calling me childish. A bit later I blocked her after she kept bombarding me with messages.

Since blocking her she has continued to send me texts, whatsapp messages, get my sister to contact me about it, get my dad (who she doesn't speak to at all) to contact me about it, snapchat me. At one point I told her that I would contact her when I was ready but that I didn't really want to talk to her right now after all of this. For a while she seemed to listen to this until my sister asked me if I still wasn't ready to talk to her, which I thought was clear since I hadn't messaged her yet which I told my sister. After those messages my mother snapchatted me saying "by the time you decide to talk to me I might be dead".

Her latest message says that she's sent me numerous messages asking how I am etc. (which isn't really true, she sent two messages saying have a good day, the rest all were morning or passive aggressive morning..... again, messages) and I saw that as bombarding me with messages from different avenues (which I agree with). Telling me if she ignored me I would see that as her not caring. She's said that she's my mother and she deserves respect (I don't feel like I've been given any respect in this situation at all). She then told me that life is short and she doesn't know if I'll ever talk to her again but to put the past behind us and move on.

She hasn't actually acknowledged my feelings or my health or anything that I've actually said. I feel like all she's done is try to twist things around and make me out to be the bad person in all of this and she wants us to just move on without anything being resolved. I had already told her that I wouldn't speak to or have anything to do with her boyfriend after how he treated me but she hasn't really acknowledged that either.

The whole thing has skyrocketed my anxiety and I'm not really sure how to deal with it all. The more she's messaged me and not respected what I've asked for the less I've wanted to talk to her at all, but everyone in my family is like oh well she's still and will always be your mother.

I suppose I just wanted to see what someone else's take on the situation is. Any advice on what I should do? Am I the one being unreasonable? I've tried to include everything and I know it's very rambly but there wasn't really a way to condense it all down.

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UmmMeToo · 14/11/2018 22:46

This sounds so similar to my life and my mother. I've realised my mother is never going to change, never be supportive and always be negative. So after 20 odd years of putting up with her, I decided to just contact her when I want, have limited contact/visits and just see her at Xmas or family functions. It's better for me, my mental health and for my husband and kids that I'm not around her very often. I'm a lot less stressed and a nicer person, when I am not around her. I get a lot of stick from my siblings for this, but I have learnt not to care what any of them think anymore. Do what's best for you.

UmmMeToo · 14/11/2018 22:47

YANBU by the way.

Gazelda · 14/11/2018 22:56

T sounds as though she's floundering and doesn't know how to make up with you. But she's not realising that her repeatedly making contact is causing you further anxiety.

Can you write to her? Explain how distressed you were by her Bf's behaviour. And hurt that she didn't step in to calm things down and to comfort you while you were so obviously suffering. Maybe tell her that you're working on rebuilding some mental strength and that you honestly want to get back on a healthy relationship with her but that you need some space and time. Perhaps compromise by saying you'll check in (by text?) every week. But ask her to please give you some space, the sooner she allows you this the sooner you will be able to address what happened at her home and consider 'moving past it'.

Ohyesiam · 14/11/2018 23:06

She just doesn’t sound very subtle in her understanding or her actions. But she is distressed that she has upset you ( even if she won’t own it). She obviously doesn’t know what to do.
I e found with my similar sounding mum that I always have to be the bigger person, that she just can’t dp it. So could you message her allaying her fears, saying you fully intend to be back in contact at some point, but you really can’t now.
I know it seems unfair when it’s her and her bf who have caused the upset, but your just more insightful than her.

I had the gay as an insult thing with a friends partner,Mike. We ended up saying “ don’t be such a Mike, that’s totally mike “ to anything pathetic , and by the end of the weekend he had to grudgingly admit it didn’t feel great....

fc301 · 14/11/2018 23:49

Your mother should hang her head in shame.
Does your anxiety / depression stem from not having your feelings acknowledged/ not being stuck up for?... or this out of character for her?

Savvylover211 · 14/11/2018 23:56

Umm thanks so much. Honestly I'm so down on myself that I was really anxious posting this but really needed some outside input so really thank you so much. I think this is probably great advice to follow and I'll probably get a lot of stick from my sister but I think it's what's best for me.

Gazelda I have written to her to explain all this. How much it hurt me that she did nothing, how her BF has affected me and for the most part she's just ignored the bad about herself (something I've realised in recent years she's always done) and just tried to focus on what she thought I'd said badly about her (she thought I called her homophobic when I didn't) and got quite hung up about it. Oh she made a point of telling me she went out of her way to ask 3 of her gay friends what they thought and they didn't see a problem so it must be ok. She doenst actually use the phrase but the point was that they were both arguing it was ok.

Oh thanks I think my next step really is going to have to be a well thought out response and to just continue to be the bigger person.

Thanks for your replies guys. Like I said anxiety was mega just posting this and I feel a bit relieved and validated by your responses.

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Savvylover211 · 15/11/2018 00:02

fc I think my anxiety/depression stems a lot from my parents marriage breaking down just under 10 years ago when I was 15. Turned out she had been cheating for a long time. I was kind of left to my own devices with school and emotions at the time and I just kind of moved on, ignored most of my feelings to get through school and my world being turned upside down with my mother having left home. Was mind of left to fend for myself emotions wise and it's all just got worse since I finished school and confronted my emotions but I've always been told I'm too sensitive and not to cry about things as much as I do and that's always kind of brought me down as well.

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UmmMeToo · 15/11/2018 07:09

Don't give things too much thought, if your mother never apologises or sees that she in the wrong, then there's nothing you can do to change that. Get it out of your mind, don't respond back to messages and get on with your own life and do what makes you happy. My mother is always spoiling for a fight and sends me such horrible, insulting messages. I never respond, it annoys her even more, but I am always the bigger person, it makes her look worse and she then can't use my words against me. Free your mind of all that toxic drama.

Feefeetrixabelle · 15/11/2018 07:20

I think you have to decide what you want he end result to be.

If she apologised and acknowledged that her behaviour and that of her bf’s was wrong would that resolve things for you? If there is no moving forward then tell her and cut contact.

As for the flying monkeys I would tell them that everytime they contact on her behalf they are making it worse

Savvylover211 · 15/11/2018 15:21

Thanks Umm! Will try my best not to get too hung up on things.

Feefee yeah I mean I think it would at least be a bit better if she just acknowledged how her bf and her non reaction to it all made me feel.

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ChaosMoon · 15/11/2018 15:44

That's horrible, @Savvylover211, I really feel for you.

Have you thought of family counselling? She isn't listening to you, but it sounds like she's having trouble expressing herself as well. A counsellor could really help with that. They'll also be able to help you engage with her while managing your, very understandable, anxieties. I think I'd try it in your shoes.

(By the way, @Ohyesiam, you are a genius.)

TheRenegadeMaster · 15/11/2018 15:56

Some people just simply don't understand mental health problems, and they likely won't until they go through it themselves. I think your mum and mine have that in common. I got incredibly stressed and had a panic attack when I got caught in traffic (don't know why but I'm just very panicky atm) and I tried telling her that I had a panic attack and was incredibly stressed and anxious during the journey and these emojis were her face - ConfusedHmm

I have never bothered going into how fucked up I actually am with her, with my CBT for an eating disorder (not anorexia but she just see me lose weight and thought I looked great - wasn't living with her then either) and that I'm on antidepressants. She's just completely ignorant with these things so I don't even bother.

It's horrid but she's very old fashioned and stuck in her ways. I'm sorry you're not having much luck with yours either, she clearly doesn't understand your illness if she thinks it's acceptable to behave that way.

Savvylover211 · 15/11/2018 21:43

Chaos I live in the UK and she lives in Ireland so family counselling would just be very difficult to accommodate.

TheRenegadeMaster Yeah I did think she was trying pretty hard to understand it all but then this whole thing happened.

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