To expect school to consider call lists?

[Totallydisrespected]

If you give school a list of contacts, do you expect them to follow them in order?
Example: : I am first contact, my DP is second, my DF is 3rd and exh is 4th..
The order is there for a reason, ease of getting to school, working hours, knowledge of school timetable, rules etc.
Today school attempted to contact me, got no reply and went straight to exh. (For relevance this was not a life or death situation but one that required knowledge of our home routine)
I called school back with no knowledge of call to exh. Clarified issue, all good.
Until DC came home from exh house tonight to say they’d been told by dad to do something different to what I had told school.
Luckily I have a good relationship with exh, called him and sorted DCs confusion but I’m really angry with the school. DC has anxiety issues do being told 2 different things has stressed them out. Can’t help wondering how a child whose parents aren’t amicable would have dealt with this situation.
Aibu to raise it with the school (exh agrees before I get flamed by the ‘he’s their dad brigade’

the whole point is that the contacts are listed 1-4
Separated parents do not get to relegate the other parents rights to 'forth' just because they dont like them. Both parents are always joint first unless safeguarding issues.

@walking I don’t dislike my exh in the slightest. You obviously haven’t rtft.
Btw, it’s ‘fourth’

Regardless of the list I would expect the school to contact parents first unless there was some kind if protective issue.

@purple so my point of contact sheets being irrelevant is correct then.
Except when school rings dp while he’s in life saving surgery after being informed of the situation

Op you are correct. They should follow the numbering system on sims. I do.

I don’t dislike my exh in the slightest. You obviously haven’t rtft
OFFS yes I have, the point is that schools dont have the time or ability to get into the relationship between separated parents. If they both have PR they they are both joint first contacts.

You list more contacts in case both parents cant be contacted. They aren't ranked in order of priority.

Has you exh aslo given in a contact list the same as yours? If not, it is an difficult position for the school. They have to consider both parental rights.

I thought the whole point of contact sheets was who was most likely to respond should the school need to contact parents quickly and everything else should be sent to both parents equally via email etc.
I have OH/DC's dad down as contact number 4 because he isn't allowed access to his mobile during work hours so it would be pointless to have him as the second contact.

You are correct English.

My exH has similar, limited contact with our sons. I just don't list him on school contact sheets because as you say, it's a bit pointless.

Until very recently I've always put DH as the fourth emergency contact, purely because the first three could get to school much faster than him on a standard working day. He was never 'relegated' to last place and has equal parental responsibility with me, but I always imagined contacts would be utilised in the order provided, ie the most practical.

I had a similar situation a few weeks ago. DD was staying with exH, and if they'd followed the correct call list she wouldn't have had to do her PE lesson in just her knickers when she didn't have her kit, as exH could have taken her kit to school. I know she's old enough to have remembered it herself, but that wasn't the point!

I'd follow the contact order on SIMs with the only exception being if the child needed picking up and contact 2 was miles away but the 3rd contact lived with the child (it shows you who lives at the child's address). I agree the school is at fault although to be fair bear in mind that it's more likely one person at fault. YANBU

There are some reaĺy silly responses on this thread

I am not sure I'd be annoyed as such but I've had the same thing in dc1 last school

I have an excellent relationship with Exdh but he does not ever pick up from school (doesn't even know where it is) as the parenting simply works that way in our family

He is not remotely relegated but DP lives and works within quick distance of both the DC childcare. So we do the same ,I am contact one , do is contact two and Exdh is three, the school knows dp well as he is the one who remembers lunch boxes and soare socks etc

If it's a decision that genuinely is impacted by PR I'll get a call and a text asking me to contact otherwise they will try me and go to dp

I think people are a bit confused about how often legal PR is actually relevant, frankly of there was something that genuinely and legally required PR it shouldn't be left to the last minute

I had it happen once or twice in dc1 old school and I queried this , it did in fact transpire that a particular receptionist was on her high horse about the father being involved ( which he was just not over school related stuff because we split skillset and everyone is happy with that) and insisted ringing Exdh, who the second time was quite short and said he would ring DP "you know the actual person who is close by and has access to spare clothes rather than me who is stuck in central london" after a quiet word with the headmaster it stopped

This school it has never been an issue

It is just one of those things OP,mildly frustrating but you'll always get some idiot somewhere who can't think with some common sense

The school did nothing wrong - they contacted the bio parents, who take precedence over the grandparent or stepdad. You are both joint first contacts.

Gawd, I work in a school. Doesn’t matter what you do, you’ll get some testy parent getting cross with you. Give the poor staff a break.

I generally know which person to contact for most things with my class. I know that Sally goes to dad's house on Wednesday, I know that Joe's mum works 90 minutes away from school, but her grandma lives with her and can come straight away. I know that Bob's mother will be drunk by lunchtime so there's no point calling her after midday. I know that Sue's dad doesn't give a shit and won't answer anyway. But that's in a primary school where I know my students. I certainly wouldn't expect any of the office staff to know all the intricacies of family relationships, and then you also get the kids who say 'oh dad's got a day off today' so you can ring him.

I really think your ex is at fault. If he only has the DCs for 2 hours, he really has no business agreeing changes to their normal routine without speaking to you first, and that is what he should have said.

Ours are numbered on the database and we do follow the order, but a lot of parents rank themselves both as 1. We do talk to the children as well - so if mum didn't answer we might say 'who is picking you up today' and if it's granny we might skip to her.