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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell the kids Santa isn’t real?

26 replies

CarlitosBae · 14/11/2018 11:25

Every year I wonder if I can explain to the children that Santa isn’t real. That christmas is absolutely a time for giving but that we have to be realistic about what we ask for and that Mummy and Daddy will do our best. We have four children and love the 4 presents each concept of Something you want, something you need, something to eat and something to read. However when other kids get IPads and bikes from Santa it’s hard to explain.

I would rather we used some money for gifts for the kids (as I know it’s reallly fun to come down on Xmas morning to gifts), and then allocate some money that the children use to buy gifts for children more needy than they are.

Couldn’t there be a pact amongst parents that al BIG gifts from them and Santa just brings token treats?

My eldest son (9) as been questioning me for 2 years on this and I’ve always just said ‘if you don’t believe he won’t come’, but I also tell him that lying is bad??!!

All thoughts welcome.

OP posts:
JudasPrudy · 14/11/2018 11:27

I'm not sure coming into December is really the best time to break the news tbh.

PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck · 14/11/2018 12:19

We do 'main' presents from us and Santa leaves token presents under the tree. DD1 just turned 11 and told me outright the other day that she's sure Santa isn't real and gave me a list of reasons why. I found myself just shrugging and admitting to her that she was right! Seemed pointless trying to string along an 11 year old anymore. She's promised to keep the dream alive for DD2 aged 8. I love your idea for something you want, need, eat and read! Sounds great. But one risk you run by telling them he's not real is that they may then tell their friends, which would be a bit unfair.

EthelHornsby · 14/11/2018 13:31

YWBU to tell them he was real in the first place

TwoBlueFish · 14/11/2018 13:32

Santa only brings stocking stuffers in our house. Presents under the tree are from friends and family. My kids never questioned why anyone else got a bike or Xbox from Santa they were happy to open their random tat from Santa and then have bigger things under the tree.

Blanchedupetitpois · 14/11/2018 13:33

Couldn’t there be a pact amongst parents that al BIG gifts from them and Santa just brings token treats?

This is always how it was explained in my family. Never caused me any Issues.

Your 9yo is old enough to know - if he’s questioning, he doesn’t really believe anymore anyway.

MysweetAudrina · 14/11/2018 13:35

Everyone has their own way of doing things. The kids figure it out anyway when they get older and realise you did your best for them. Mine give out because I don't get them a present yet I get their much older siblings loads of stuff. Santa brings everything in our house (not presents from other people) and even though they think its unfair now they will eventually realise that everything comes from us.

seventhgonickname · 14/11/2018 13:42

My dd was allowed a main president from Santa and some small things.She had to remember that all the presents in the world had to hoon so if she asked for too much Santa wouldn't be able to fit it on.Also the elves don't do electrics.
We got her extras,nothing big.
I wouldn't tell children they find out themselves soon enough.Also I learnt my lesson with the Easter Bunny!

Kolo · 14/11/2018 13:48

My 10yo has been asking me if Father Christmas is real for a couple of years. It’s always been in front of my youngest, before, so I’ve said “of course” and felt justified in doing so. A month ago he asked me again, when we were on our own and after a bit of a discussion I admitted he’s not real. Now I’m a bit gutted! Have I just ruined Christmas? I remember as a kid not believing, but that uncertainty on Xmas eve made it a bit magical all the same.

Oh, and we have main present from parents, some stocking filler gifts from Santa.

Original poster
CarlitosBae · 14/11/2018 13:51

Oh no Kolo, that's made me change my mind! Sorry you're gutted. Its so hard isn't it! I've got a 2 year old who hasn't had a chance to experience the wonder yet so maybe I've got to keep him alive a bit longer.

What happened with the Easter Bunny???

OP posts:
NotAnotherUserName5 · 14/11/2018 13:52

Yabu. How old are your younger one/s? If your eldest is 9, they are likely at an age it’s all exciting to them.

Don’t do it at Christmas time!

No1blueengine · 14/11/2018 14:00

i will never admit that Santa is not real. never ever ever, but i am a christmas freak. I start counting down from Jan1.

What i have told my kids is that Santa's elves are awesome at making real toys, like train sets and dolls etc but they cant make ipads and laptops and xboxes etc so Santa has to ask parents to give him money so he can buy the ipads and xboxes. If the parents dont have the money, then Santa cant buy them.

It made perfect sense to my 8, 6 and 5 year old.

Original poster
CarlitosBae · 14/11/2018 14:14

No1blueengine I like that. It makes sense and they have a level of understanding of our financial situation, in that we are not as well off as some, and better off than others.

The others are 2, 6 & 7

OP posts:
GreenTeacup · 14/11/2018 14:15

Each to their own. I have 5 children and Santa has always bought the presents.

As the kids got older they started to question if Santa was real and so we admitted that he did not come down the chimney physically but We reminded them of the fuzzy feeling you get in the pit of your stomach on Christmas Eve, the magic in the air and how everyone starts donating to good causes. We call it the Santa spirit and it is very much alive in our house.

Now the eldest three help with the Santa spirit for the youngest two who still believe. They get just as excited about it.

dontlikebeards · 14/11/2018 14:19

My 11 year old asked last year if santa was real, I asked what she thought and she said probably not and I told her that she was right. We then talked about how she was now part of the magic for her little sisters. She is more excited about Christmas now as she is santa!

PattiStanger · 14/11/2018 14:31

Tell them what you want to tell them, you know them best, you don't need permission from anyone else

checkingforballoons · 14/11/2018 14:31

DS is only 4, but we decided from his first Christmas that Father Christmas brings something from his Christmas list and fills his stocking. Anything else is from us, friends and family.
I’ve got a ready prepared reason for the difference in gifts compared to friends - Father Christmas has a good think and makes his decision based on what he thinks a child needs that year and he tries to keep it very fair. So for example if you’ve had lots of trips to the park and little treats throughout the year he might get you something smaller than a child who has perhaps had a trickier year (they might’ve had chicken pox or struggled with school or something). This worked brilliantly when I was nannying and having to explain to the children (who attended private schools with some insanely wealthy families) why they got fairly ‘standard’ presents whilst a friend had got an iPad, a bike, a golden goose, etc Wink

rachelfrost · 14/11/2018 14:40

Santa does little bits for the stocking which I buy during the year (to avoid buying sh*te just for the stocking) and stash them in the loft. I also have four dc and this lets me buy a little treat that I know one of them will like without worrying about all the others being jealous. Me and my partner give the kids a big present each which goes under the tree. We couldn’t afford to have the shopping list type arrangement and brush off all that note to Santa balls they push in schools and shops. The kids love their stockings as they’re a surprise and get a big gift from us under the tree. Our stockings aren’t big so a bike or an iPad wouldn’t fit! I guess you could shift gradually over a few years to a less generous Santa and put the stockings in a hot wash.

Carlitosbae My mother gave the same response about Santa’s existence and I always think of it as establishing the precedent that if I needed help working something out what my mother wanted to hear was what would please her. I’m not knocking you- it’s not a terrible thing to say and you’re a different person to my mother so you won’t be establishing the same precedent. But it sounds like you’re considering telling ds and your response is so identical to my mothers so I thought I’d mention my experience. My eldest ds has only ever questioned Santa’s existence in front of his younger siblings so I’ve brushed off answering him too. Maybe this’ll be the year...

Thomlin · 14/11/2018 14:48

I've always paid Santa the money for their santa gift that the elves make. Explains a lot, like when SnowGlow fecking Elsa was sold out everywhere, I had put my order in with Santa but his elves can only make so many of each present. Or when Frankie gets an Ipad, Frankies mum paid santa a lot of money!

popcornwizard · 14/11/2018 15:02

We're still doing santa lists and the kids are teens Grin. I'm never going to admit it although they obviously know. We've always had a letter to ask for absolutely anything they'd like, and if they were lucky they'd get something from the list, or Father Christmas might choose something else for them. Always worked well, no disappointment at not receiving very expensive, unpractical or stuff that doesn't actually exist Confused

smithsally884 · 14/11/2018 15:11

I would rather we used some money for gifts for the kids (as I know it’s reallly fun to come down on Xmas morning to gifts), and then allocate some money that the children use to buy gifts for children more needy than they are.

So you are financially stretched but would rather ggive money to someone else's kids? It's all very well bein generous when it is someone else (ie your kids) makin the sacrifice not you.
Buy them more stuff. 4 presents for a kid, only one of which is something they want is crap.
Why not be generous with your owIt's

TheChickenOfTruth · 14/11/2018 15:28

Lived with my mum briefly while waiting for a house purchase to go through. Got a stocking from Santa on Christmas morning. I was in my late 20s. She still insists he is real, though he only does stockings.

TOADfan · 14/11/2018 15:49

Growing up I believed Santa was basically a glorified delivery man. My mum bought the presents and he delivered them on Christmas. I always was too inquisitive and knew he couldn't possibly travel the world etc.
I don't even know if my mum told me that but I always knew she paid for the presents. In a way it made it more special and the magic was still there of waking up in Christmas morning to presents.

Hillarious · 14/11/2018 15:56

Growing up I believed Santa was basically a glorified delivery man. My mum bought the presents and he delivered them on Christmas. I always was too inquisitive and knew he couldn't possibly travel the world etc.
I don't even know if my mum told me that but I always knew she paid for the presents. In a way it made it more special and the magic was still there of waking up in Christmas morning to presents.

Did I write this? Yes, Father Christmas just does the deliveries. Anyone who makes out that Father Christmas is real and provides all the presents is just building their DC up to be disappointed.

Original poster
CarlitosBae · 14/11/2018 21:59

Thank you all so much for your thoughts. Keep the magic seems to be the overwhelming response so IADBU!

Rachelfrost, I absolutely appreciate your comments. I definitely don't want him to have to work out what I want to hear. It so good to have different perspectives.

Smithsally884, I'm not financially stretched. I just don't want entitled children that believe their wants outweigh others needs.

I'm definitely going for smaller stockings though - great idea!

Thanks all x

OP posts:
Princess28 · 14/11/2018 22:15

We send money to Father Christmas in our house and he decides what the children get from the list (or coal if they keep fighting with each other!) But big presents come from us. Eldest (nearly 8) has asked for a Nintendo switch- no way is Santa getting the credit for that! But that means that we can’t send as much money to Father Christmas as it’s an expensive present (he doesn’t need to know we doubled up on nectar points and paid £79.99 for it!)