Just looking for opinions on this please. My DD (10 almost 11) and my DS (7) are friends with a sister and brother who are the same ages. They have been friends with these siblings for a good number of years and both children have come to our house and my children have been to their house for parties and playdates.
The sibling's parents are separated since the boy was a baby and the mother was in another relationship for a good few years up until about 18 months ago.
My children went to a birthday party at their house about 18 months ago (I didn't know at the time that the mother's relationship with the previous man had ended) and there was a man in the house. The mother introduced him to me as the children's uncle and I assumed he was either her brother or brother in law.
When I collected the children I noticed this man (Ill call him Jack) on the ground tickling the children and generally being very physical with them, chasing them, pulling them to the ground and tickling their bellies etc. In particular I noticed he kept doing it to my son. I was talking to the mother and watching this through the kitchen window.
Im not normally suspicious but the hairs on the back of neck stood up and I felt an instinct to get him away from this man. I called into the garden and told the children we were leaving.
The man had 2 large dogs with him and my DS was very nervous around them and startled when one came into the kitchen. Jack then went over to DS and started explaining about how the dogs were friendly, as he was doing this he was down as DS's level, very much in his face and was rubbing his back.
I took DS by the hand and said our goodbyes. I told DH about it and he said just trust your instinct.
Anyway 2 weeks ago the sister was having her 11th birthday party in a local swimming pool and DD was invited. The mother also invited DS but both myself and Dh agreed he wouldn't go as we were concerned Jack would be in the pool with the boys and we didn't feel comfortable with that.
DH dropped DD off and collected her. He was asking DD about the party and she said Jack was in the pool with all the girls tickling them and picking the up and throwing them around.
Both myself and DH think that is really odd behaviour, Jack is not the girl's father, he doesn't know most of the girls as he is only living with the mother about 6/8 months, I don't know any other father who would think its acceptable for them to get into the pool with a bunch of 10/11 year old girls in their swimsuits and be tickling and touching them.
The mother was not in the pool, Jack was the only adult.
We cant decide if he is just very enthusiastic about playing with children and (having none himself) he is oblivious about how it looks to people or if these are red flags.
DD is really good friends with this girl and they have been begging for more playdates (I have not let DD to the house since the party). The girl has come here a few times and the mother has invited my DD to hers a few times since but I keep making excuses for her not to go.
Any opinions on this?