AIBU with this guy I been seeing

[Coldshoulders]

So basically this last month I have been seeing this guy who's older than me. We have a kinda fwb. So it's nothing serious just some fun tbh. So this past few weeks he's gone from txting me all the time to hardly ever. I'm always the one making the convo n if he replies seems like he's always busy n he will txt me later which he never does. Anyways not slept with him in over 2 weeks now which obv makes me think he's getting it somewhere else. So the other day he text me late at night saying I have been ignoring him and to delete his number after he told me he was ill n he would txt me when he's better. So I told him why would I be ignoring u when I been wanting to see u etc. I got out of bed in the middle of the night n went over. We cuddled no sex and fell asleep. I got up and went home early in the morning n he txt me the next day saying he really likes me n sorry for being paranoid. So 4 nights later with no txts or calls I txt him to say u ok how u doing he replies he's busy and will txt me back later which he never did. I was having a shitty day with feeling depressed I have alot going on with my mental health atm. N I wanted to see him, see if he cud make me feel better. He didn't txt so there I was another night waiting on his txt which he wasn't gunna send. So obviously came to the conclusion if he wanted to see me he would deffo be making more of an effort. I got pissed off n txt him saying he's playing games with me n I haven't got time for it n to just delete my number expecting him to reply saying I have got it wrong n he was just busy. He txt me back saying yeh no problem it's deleted. Cried myself to sleep think this is more about my depression then it is about him. Me n this guy have been on n off for 6 years so I'm quite honest n told him I have feelings for him, he told me he likes me alot n thinks I'm perfect etc. So am I being unreasonable texting him saying the only mistake I made was coming to urs in the middle of the night when u needed me i was there n when I'm having a shit time n want to see u u don't have the time I feel like ur playing games with me. He didn't reply. Txt him this morning saying I'm sorry about last night but I haven't been well n I just wanted to see u but obv u don't want to see me so I'm gunna leave u to it n no hard feelings. Still no reply. Like I said he's older than me n usually he's the one chasing me but this time I have literally just sat by the phone like a mug waiting for him to reply if he has the time. Not slept together in nearly 2 weeks and he's been acting strange. Thinking he's prob got someone else. Before people start ripping into me i know it was only fwb n I shudnt of got feelings but when he wasn't being a nobhead he did make me feel so nice n I will just say I'm having a black moment atm in my head so that makes things feel 100% worse. What should I do I don't wana loose him but other day he cudnt wait to say delete my number n last night when I told him to delete mine he was just like yeh that's fine no problem. Put no fight up whatsoever didn't even ask me if I was ok. Reading this myself I know it's wrong but I just can't help how i feel or how I think I felt x

So I have had a sleep woke up now I feel so much better knowing I have deleted his number n I have no way of contacting him. If he contacts me I'm gunna ignore although I'm sure if he was arsed he would of been on the phone by now which he is not. Yeh we have been on n off for around 6 years fwb n no I haven't been seeing anyone else in that time either. I have just been abit of a dick putting any feelings into this. I still feel pretty embarrassed but like I said he's older then me n he won't be getting anything from me again. I do think there must be someone else that's why he's not slept with me for nearly 2 weeks, looking back at last week when he msged me late on saying delete my number n I said why what have I done wrong I really like u there was a massive big flag being waved right in front of my face n I couldn't see it at the time. He was trying to fuck me off then because he had someone else he would rather invest his time in which is his choice. 're reading this post made me realise I had more feelings for this guy then I should of n that was my fault for getting ahead of myself. Prob looking for something that wasn't there prob all this was actually down to how I feel about myself and about my worth. I am seeking help for my mental health issues and had a meeting with the access n crisis team in my area earlier this week and am awaiting the doctors to give me some diff meds. Thankyou everyone for your honest comments. I will be ok he can fuck himself from now on end might be better off getting with someone my own age that doesn't play games. Live n learn 😂 xxx

You keep bringing up his age, why is it such a big deal to you?
A dick is a dick.
Any man of any age can be a dick!

I mentioned his age as it's quite relevant as I thought with him being older he's less likely to play games etc obv I was wrong n tbh with him being 20 years older than me i think he was lucky to even get me in the first place let alone treat me like a piece of shit. But yes being a dick is all ages hahaha xxx

Is he 9 years older or 20?

Can I ask both your ages?

I'm 26 n he's like 45 or something xx

Sounds like my ex

you're better off without him messing with your head

And actually he's in his forties now...

Do you live near Bristol???

No I don't live near Bristol I live in Manchester area xx

You’re being very naïve.

Being older does not make you less likely to play games. If anything, if you are game playing type, you have had more time to perfect your shit!

And no, he wasn’t lucky to get you because you were younger. 40yo men fuck 20yo women all the time. Because they can. Your way of thinking is a bit of a mess.

• you’re not more of a prize because you’re younger. You need to value yourself for what you bring to a relationship. No-one ever had good self esteem if they think the best thing about themselves is their age. Not something you create and not something you’ll always have! Look for a man who will date you because you’re interesting, funny, kind, passionate, adventurous... something that is about YOU.

• an older man isn’t going to feel lucky and grateful, more likely just entitled

OP - is he in a workplace that has the “jack the lad” type culture?

I know a couple of guys like that and they’re serial bachelors and seem to enjoy playing games.

You’re definitely better off out of it - especially as you both have differing expectations.

Do allow yourself time to get over it properly

Well, you need to define the relationship more clearly.

FWB means no strings attached sex, you can see or date others, sleep with others and don't have to text much.

Dating is different and looks towards becoming a couple, it can be exclusive or not but you have to make this clear as a couple.

It's sounds like to him you're a FWB but you see him as your non-live in boyfriends. He's not as into you as you are into him

Why would you even want to be with someone that much older? Imagine being with a 70yo when you're in your 40s...

I also find that if men are older and single, they're MORE likely to play games... why do you think they're single?

Dump him and buy yourself a dictionary. Spend your new free time brushing up on your spellings!

God, that's a nasty, mean comment!

Tbf there has been some really good comments on this which has gave me different perspective on things. I have been naive and I guess the line about he's older n had more time to perfect his shit is spot on as I didn't think of it that way until I read it it makes sense. I didn't mean the best thing about me was my age I just meant I thort he was lucky to get someone younger than himself being intreasted as I would like to think I'm a nice genuine decent girl who has alot to offer but obviously he's not intreasted which is not nice but it's true. He does work in a jack the lad type of work place also. There is no relationship to define I obviously on reading back on all of this can see what the issue I had was and as previous posters have stated he didn't want a relationship just sex and i obviously went from wanting fwb to developing feelings and think I thort it was more than it was and thort he did owe me respect although now reading back why would he owe me any respect as I was happy enough to engage in having sex and then I just moaned when he didn't return my feelings which in itself is just embarrassing! After a nice sleep today n then a nice shower and walk I feel so much better. If anything I'm prob gunna be alot happier it's over not waiting for him to text me when he's not busy not being texted in the middle of the night when he's in a mood etc. I only thort it was more based on the things he said to me, which even thinking back on now he was just telling me what I wanted to hear so he could get what he wanted, he didn't ask for anything more n it was my own stupidity that made it seem more. Plus like I said I been going threw some mental health problems in the middle of a medication change and this was prob more about me then it was about him. I was looking for something else in the wrong place with the wrong guy. Well we all make mistakes and I'm happy to know this is just one mistake which I will get over n move on from. Thankyou all for your comments as there has really been some honest and helpful ones which made me see things from a few different points of view. Moral of the story don't get feelings for fwb and don't assume it's more than it actually was. Was a slippery slope I didn't realise til it was already done. Plus end of day he wanted me to delete his number the other day so he was trying to fuck me off any way he prob sensed I was developing feelings. Well at least i can say I told him to delete my number n I can move on now with a tiny bit of dignity left ha. Happens to the best of us eh xx

I’m not sure why you’ve been holding out for him for six years if you think he should be grateful because you’re younger than him... How can you not know how old he is after six years? I think you’ve really got to work on the fact you haven’t dated anyone in six years because your teenage boyfriend hurt you, OP.

Apparently playing a game with myself seeing how many times I can say six years in one post