To not want to go to US with 4 month old at Xmas?

[Mowly75]

Just that really. My family live in the USA & we’re expected to go for Christmas or soon after with the baby; first grandchild yada yada. Also the MIL who lives in France is supposed to be coming. Am filed with anxiety - the flight; the jet lag; the four month sleep regression; the constantly being passed around family members & friends & being overstimulated ...all our routines going to shit. Where will she sleep? etc etc. She’s also been seriously ill in hospital recently. But I know they are all desperate to see her again (they came over shortly after she was born) so I also got the guilt that I am somehow withholding her from them.

If she hadn't been ill I would say go, much easier when they're smaller.

But in your case no, I wouldn't go either.

I’d probably go for it. I also felt v anxious and did it because I had to for the in-laws. I have great memories of a good trip now.

It’s really easy to travel with a baby that small. And baby made it clear when she wanted her routine, being cuddled by family did not overtired her or throw her out of routine.

I'd avoid it as planes are germ factories and baby hasn't had all of its vaccines. Babies under 6 months aren't advised to have the flu shot and it's peak flu season...

Just tell them baby’s been ill and noes not the time. But if your family are in the US like mine are get used to the idea that you’ll be taking a baby, toddler, young kid transatlantic once a year or more. It’s fine! My kids only have happy memories of these trips, from the airplane food - which they live! Yuk- to their own mini TVs, their own little hand luggage packs, seeing their cousins and GRandparents. They even like immigration as that’s an adventure for them!

Tiny babies make perfect travel companions. People are willing to help hold them while you use the bathroom, they sleep most of the time, they don't want to walk up and down the aisles a million times and they don't understand the concept of being 1 hour into a flight and still having 8 to go. And people are generally very friendly towards babies and mums.

I think Brookshelley's advice is exceptionally sensible here.

As Penelope Leach says, babies don't need to go on holiday. If you do, that's fine, but it doesn't sound as though this would be a holiday for you, in fact quite the opposite.

It might be nice once you get there and there are loads of people to hold her, play with her, and cook you food and let you sleep a bit, but only if that's something you would welcome.

Totally agree how important it will be to check and double check your travel insurance before you go, in case she does get ill or there are complications from the last illness.

The having been ill is a good get out clause.

Tiny babies are tiny babies and they grow like sunflowers. To be honest they don't really need to see your baby (unless they are super emotional and it's the first and likely to be the only grandchild yadayada..), she is too young to remember anything, I would settle for doing lots of skyping.

Baby will probably be fine

But if you don't want to then don't. Stat home, relax and enjoy your baby's first Xmas (she will have no idea but you will!!)

If you UK when you don't want to you'll be stressy and that will make the experience stressy. You're allowed to be selfish once you've had kids!

This time next year, you be kicking yourselves for not going when she was a stationary baby that slept lots and stayed put. Seriously, doing the journey with a toddler who is more welded to their routines, who doesn't nap as much, and rather than being content lying in your arms/lap, wants to run up and down the aisles, test every seat, and is having a tantrum because they want to press the buttons on the toilet door, is going to be far harder than with a tiny baby.

It's going to be years until it's easier to travel than it is now, so now is the time to travel, if you're going to do it.

Equally, if you'd rather have Christmas at home, no one will judge you for that. Just don't stay at home this year with the assumption youll go next year, as it'll be so much more difficult then.

Sleep although its not as if she'll only be expected to go once! Going this year may well set an expectation she'll take dd and any future grandchildren every year, or to commit to every second year alternating with the other grandparents. This way rigid expectations/ traditions start which become impossible to break out if without being considered utterly unreasonable / thoughtless / selfish and other words families throw at non compliant members at Christmas It's already there in the OP with the guilt and accusations of withholding...

I don't think going this year will mean not going next year or the year after with a 15 month old and 2 year old...

Don't go if you are dreading it..it would probably be fine, but if it feels like torture what is the point

What part of the USA are they? I'd probably want to go when the weather is ok to go out and about with baby so maybe summer is better.

Thank you everyone for the very sound advice. Great to know that the flight itself probably not a major problem but that her health insurance etc may be. Going to look into it & will happily say no if it’s a major headache.

Summer is awful with a baby in many parts of the US as it is hot and humid and sometimes actually dangerous for the very young and the very old.

I wouldn’t take a young baby that had been ill on a long haul flight, even if it is a few months after. Healthy adults are more susceptible to bugs when/after flying. At this point, the only important thing is for you to feel relaxed and ok with your baby. Some people seem to be able to hit the ground running and do all sorts of things with a new baby. I know for me, those first few months were all about getting to know each other and being quiet and calm. No for everyone, but go with what YOU want. This is a time when you can be ‘selfish’.

My family live in the US and we’ve made the trip annually with our twins since they were six months old, although we’ve gone in the summer rather than at Christmas. I was dreading it the first time round because of all the tricky logistics, but it really wasn’t so bad. Because they napped, they actually adjusted to the time difference more easily. What I would say is, if you’re really that panicked and uncomfortable, postpone the trip for a few months. Christmas is a stressful time to travel anyway, and that might just be too much for you to deal with at the moment. That’s okay.

In the future, you need to remember that even if the journey is hideous, it will end. It doesn’t last forever. Our hardest trip so far was when the boys were 20 months. Hour five of the ten hour flight seemed to last a lifetime. But we got through it and the trip this year was really easy and they’re turning into great little travellers. You’ll adapt and deal with the situation, just as you do with every aspect of having a baby.

I would check travel insurance and take advice from our GP and then make a decision from there. Once you've made that decision be firm and happy with that decision.

As others have said, it is easier flying with a baby when that young. Also when you're there, you'll have lots of help with the baby and you'll have a chance to relax and sleep

If you're really missing your family then go; my DM took 2 week old DB on 24 hour flight as a FTM so is definitely doable. At 4 months the 'routine' changes week to week and they're still sleeping a fair amount. But if they have already seen the baby, the thought of it is making you really anxious and the baby has been seriously sick, I would see if you can arrange for an Easter visit. How long are you going for? If it's just for a week I wouldn't bother but if it's longer your family might surprise you at how helpful they are and offer to do nightfeeds etc to take stress off you.