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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel ungrateful

3 replies

funnybeanz · 13/11/2018 21:03

I know I ABU but I don't know what to do about it and I also know it's massive first world problems. We have 1 child who is nearly 1. For the first few months my MIL bought presents every time we saw her, which was quite regularly. The presents were sometimes clothes, bags of clothes in fact and often completely the wrong size and not season appropriate. She just saw things she liked and if they didn't have the right size bought it anyway. I'm talking size 18 months for a 3 month old. Presents were also various different toys some not age appropriate. Anyway eventually we asked her not to buy stuff for every time we see her, I really don't want DS to grow up expecting presents and also half the time it's a hassle as I have to take stuff back.

So now we are approaching 1st birthday and Xmas and my husbands whole family are going way over board, buying huge massive presents, presents that aren't wanted or appropriate. I'm sure they mean well but actually there's plenty of things we'd like, if they'd ask. I wouldn't ask for expensive things, for example some lift the flap books are very much wanted, instead we will get a huge sit in motor car thing, train sets etc etc. I'm also really keen for DS not to have only 'boys toys' they don't get that at all.

I feel bad that they are spending money on things we don't want, they aren't rich at all. I feel annoyed we have to find room for these things and I feel disappointed that they don't ask or listen to what we'd like/need and I don't know what to do about it. Nothing I suppose.... anyone else feel similar or am I just being mean, horrid and unreasonable?

OP posts:
Nothininmenoggin · 13/11/2018 22:24

No YANBU at all. Your ds is only 1 he won't have a clue about presents/birthday it's just another day to them. I'd sit down and ask your relatives for the things you want for your child as you say some nice books, small educational stimulating toys. Explain that they don't need to buy large expensive gifts to show their love. You sound like a very sensible mum so good luck with the rellies.

mummabubs · 13/11/2018 22:27

I suspect others might say you are BU, but I'm in exactly the same boat as you OP so feel your pain! Our DS has just turned one and his present from his grandparents wasn't even sent to us as it's too big to fit in the post apparently.... I dread to think! 🤦🏻‍♀️ My approach (as we've already asked for it to not be so overboard in the past which hasn't worked) is to thank MiL, accept that it's her desire to buy these gifts and to equally accept that you are within your rights to sell/ give away inappropriate gifts too.

Cokezeroisyummy · 13/11/2018 22:40

YANBU, I know I'll have a similar problem with my inlaws. I think I'll just nod and smile and put the ridiculous presents away somewhere (thankfully I have space to do that). I just can't be bothered to engage with them about it. Sorry I have no advice but I feel for you, I've just had years of crap from inlaws so have given up engaging, they are like talking to a wall!

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