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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To question my marriage?

18 replies

user1467722214 · 13/11/2018 20:07

My 2yr old daughter opened DH bank statement in August. My eyes came across a transaction for a dating site. Husband says it was fraud. Bank hasn't repaid the amount. Believed him at the time but have noticed sound (beeps) on phone and when challenged he says ppi are bothering him (evening!???!! @#).when challenged he won't let me see his phone and gets angry when asked. I don't know what to do next?

OP posts:
brighteyeowl17 · 13/11/2018 20:08

Sorry but I’d dig more....

Birdsgottafly · 13/11/2018 20:09

Join the dating site and see if he's active on there. Likewise other sites.

Monitor his movements more closely and you're bound to catch him out.

He's up to something.

Callmedarcy · 13/11/2018 20:09

What are the chances Shock

Confused
JudasPrudy · 13/11/2018 20:10

Sign up for the dating site under a false name and see if you can find him?

Givemeyourbunsandyourbiscuits · 13/11/2018 20:10

Sounds like he's definitely hiding something I'm afraid.

RCohle · 13/11/2018 20:13

I'd certainly do more digging. Check his phone etc.

Prussiablue · 13/11/2018 20:14

Lying bastard.......you know he's lying right?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/11/2018 20:15

He's lying. And very badly. He must think you're an idiot.

John4703 · 13/11/2018 20:18

I noticed a strange transaction on my credit card statement and phoned the card company to query it. The person I spoke to said it was a dating site and she would investigate. A couple of weeks later the money was back on my card as the credit card company reclaimed it. Someone had used the number but with an incorrect postcode etc. The credit card people were quick to help and it was clear that such fraud does happen.
I'd be asking my partner to reclaim the money if it was fraud and I'd want to see the credit on the statement.

Merryoldgoat · 13/11/2018 20:19

These fucking men. Urgh.

OP - you know he’s not trustworthy - if he was you’d not be suspicious.

Can you get into his phone when he’s sleeping?

iLoveFoood · 13/11/2018 20:25

Sounds very dodgy op.

You know if it was fraud it would be sorted and he'd be all over it. I know I would if my money was taken from a site I 'hadn't used'

CrookedMe · 13/11/2018 20:29

What a shite lie. You must have really wanted to believe him to let that one slide. I'm sorry, I think you're going to have to get a lot more cynical and suspicious here.

Purplealienpuke · 13/11/2018 20:57

You obviously feel he's lying don't you? Otherwise you wouldn't be asking a bunch of strangers about your marriage that we couldn't possibly have any idea about.
I agree with others who have said join some dating sites to try and find him. But, I'd hazard a guess he isn't using his own picture now he thinks you're suspicious. He's probably not even using that site anymore.
Do you know his passcode to his phone? Or can you access his phone statement online?
In your position I would be saying to him, hand your phone over, because of the way you're behaving I'm doubting you, OR, there's the door, off you fuck.
Buts that's just me... don't suffer fools gladly!!

kitkatsky · 13/11/2018 20:58

I only believe the PPI bit of that story (sorry)

Original poster
user1467722214 · 13/11/2018 21:11

I can't get access to his phone. It is never out of his sight. And he won't let me see what's there. Whatever he is hiding I don't think he will admit to it. Really not sure whether to kick him out or do relate. 10yrs together seems a waste otherwise.

OP posts:
DayManChampionOfTheSun · 13/11/2018 21:24

I'm really sorry OP but I would be doing some serious digging here. Join the free dating sites (pof, tinder etc) it is very unlikely he is still using the one you 'caught' last time and will probably not pay again. Ask a friend he doesn't know if you can use her pic and if you find him, start up a conversation with him, maybe try and get him to meet you somewhere and you can just hide in that place and see if he turns up.

If that doesn't work, see if you can get some access to his phone, night time or when he is in the shower? You could try following him if he goes on any random 'work trips' or 'the gym' (especially if unusual for him)

If you do find evidence, don't confront until you have all your ducks in a row. Make sure you have somewhere to go (if you think you will struggle to kick him out) and make sure you have some emergency money and any personal belongings that you treasure (pictures etc) make sure they are removed before speaking with him.

Sorry to be so matter of fact, but that's where I would start if I had these suspicions. I'm really sorry you are going through this, I hope it does all end up to be a big misunderstanding though Flowers

Good luck!

Prussiablue · 13/11/2018 22:20

I hope he's not doing the dirty and your 10 years haven't been a waste. If there have been cracks in your relationship then maybe he has been on a dating site (to just SEE if the grass in greener) but hopefully hasn't actually done any dating. Doesn't excuse it, but still somehow perhaps you can rectify your relationship. You need to talk it out with him. Shit like this is never easy. I wish you well.

RabbityMcRabbit · 13/11/2018 22:30

If he never lets the phone out of his sight and won't let you near it he's definitely up to something. Sorry OP

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