Request for time consuming artistic favour

[BrokenBrush]

Many years ago when I had just one child and much more free time, I sold hand painted/dyed baby and children’s clothes for a while. The price I could charge for these was limited, as I couldn’t really properly charge for my time as well as materials as there’s a fairly small limit people are willing to pay for a babygrow or T-shirt.

It was somewhat fun while it lasted and I made a bit of pocket money but have since moved on to running a much more profitable small business.

I now have more children and work from home so I am constantly busy. I value my time a lot more than I did back then!

I’ve been asked by a family member to paint some baby vests for her to give as a gift.
I replied asking how many and what she wants painting on them. Three, and she doesn’t even know what she wants on them, I’m expected to come up with something.
FFS! I really could do without this.

Honestly, right now I am not terribly busy, but by the last week of November the Christmas rush will start and I will be rushed off my feet until Christmas, so I am enjoying this somewhat relaxed quiet before the storm.

I feel a bit mean saying no, I could do it, I have the materials and she will provide the clothes but on the other hand I am really quite annoyed that she just doesn’t value anyone’s time. It’d probably take at least three hours, probably more. Less if it was something simple, but as I don’t even know what she wants me to do with them quick and simple isn’t even an option.

So she’ll buy some cheap vests and expect me to spend my precious time creating something lovely from scratch that the recipient probably won’t even value. She could just spend a little extra money and buy something from the shop. For a lot less than the price that I would charge for three hours of my time (no offer of payment, not that I would take it) she could buy something really nice instead. I’m also really annoyed that she can’t even be bothered to think about what she wants me to do with the damn things.

AIBU to say I’m too busy/lazy to think up designs and complete them, or should I just suck it up and say goodbye to a few of my very limited spare hours – carved away from several days might I add as I have a toddler who takes one shit nap per day and wakes a lot all evening and night. I’m getting angrier as I write this about how little my time is valued but perhaps I’m just selfish/lazy/too tired to care anymore!

Just tell her no. Say you're too busy.

You clearly don’t want to do it so just don’t!

I would say that you are very busy, but if she does the brain work and comes up with the ideas then you will try and fit in the art work. Or offer a design that you know is simple and manageable for you.

That's assuming it is a family member that you would want to help out - not a second cousin three times removed that doesn't speak to you from one year's end to the other.

No I don't think you're selfish / lazy (though you may well be too tired!) Trouble is now that you've asked what she wants painted on them she may well feel that you've agreed so I don't know that she will accept that you're too busy. I sometimes make handbags - not on a professional level at all just for friends and family because I am such a slow worker. My stock answer now to anyone who asks is always to say " I'm sorry but I've got a waiting list at the moment" which buys me the time to think about if I actually want to do it or not. If it's someone I really care about then I can go back to them after and tell them when I could fit it in. (And yes to the exhaustion of trying to secondguess what they want when they can't articulate it themselves - I'm going through this at the moment with a very close friend who I am delighted to make for, but she can't decide even on basics like small medium or large, never mind shape, colour etc) . I'm guessing she wants three different designs too? Could you compromise by having an honest conversation about how much time these actually take, how tired / busy you are but saying that you'd manage to carve out enough time to do one for her since you value the relationship but can't do the three?

Say no. You've moved on, not doing that any more and it's the busiest time of year. Perhaps suggest someone else doing something similar if you know of anyone.

I'm a knitter - I've never sold what I make but the complaint regularly heard from anyone who does crafty stuff is that people expect something for nothing and aren't prepared to pay for your time.

Just say "No sorry, I'm not doing that anymore. But if you look on youtube you can find how to do it"

I'm working on this lately...setting boundaries and not being such a people pleaser. Your gut is not to do this. If you do it you will be full of resentment. Just say no

I should have just replied straight away that I was too busy, but thought maybe if it was just one thing and something simple then it wouldn't have been a big deal.

I think I'm most annoyed because she can't be bothered/hasn't even thought about what she wants me to do and I don't feel like spending time going back and forth with ideas.
If it was something specific that she'd put thought into that wasn't available in the shops I'd be more willing to put the effort in but it just seems like a lazy, thoughtless 'idea' - using me to make a very cheap gift look half decent.

Yes, now that I've responded I think she's taken it as a yes. And I'd feel mean saying no now. I guess I'll just have to do something basic and if she doesn't like it - tough. But I struggle to do simple, and tend to over think things and even though I'm not being paid I can't bypass the feeling of not wanting to disappoint!

Are they not even for her? Is she giving them as a gift?
If they're not for her I'd say a big order has come in and you don't have the time.

Reply again and say she’ll need to think of the design and say you’re busy, so you are willing to do the clothes, but can’t spend time on the design as well. And since the gift is from her, the design should be from her anyway.

When people find out i can sew, make clothing, reupholster etc i get inundated with requests for stuff. Not ever even any offer to pay. Just "oh you can sew, can you just alter these dresses/make me a blanket/make a world book day costume etc. I used to do it for a living until my youngest was born, i would be swamped and people would still request it from me. They usually didnt ask once id quoted my price, slightly reduced of course but not at a profit loss.
I would just explain your busy and ask her to be more specific. Would also ask her to pay. Call me unreasonable but time is precious

Id just say "sorry ive gone back over my diary and its choc full. I wont be able to do the vests for you. If you fancy having a go im happy to sell/loan some of my product to you?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that" is a perfectly valid response. No need for justification.

I'm sure she can find something on etsy.

What @reflections said: "No sorry, I'm not doing that anymore. But if you look on youtube you can find how to do it."

Creative people get horribly taken advantage of because everyone thinks this kind of shit just drops out of the ceiling.

I know exactly what you mean - I have a client who expects me to do all the legwork so that he doesn't have to bother. He texts or emails me limited vague amounts of information when he happens to be thinking about it, and expects me to keep track of what information I have and follow up with him to find out the missing info.

I no longer start any work for him until he's provided all the information I'll need, so that I can do the job in the most efficient way.

In your situation I'd ask her to take your toddler off your hands for a few hours while you get her presents made. I'll bet she's 'too busy' to do that for you.

Just because she hasn't offered you money surely it doesn't mean she's expecting your work for free? I'd send her a confirmation with a ridiculously inflated price attached, but as she's a good friend '10% off ridiculously inflated price' and hopefully that will put her off. If not, then at least you're not wasting your time!