Feeling trapped at work due to family situation

[MandalaYogaTapestry]

Hi all. Would be grateful for any thoughts.

Have been in my job for 8 years. Every year at the annual appraisal I have been asking to give me more responsibilities. Not even managing others (not possible in our office structure) just to do something else apart from my current duties. I am usually done with whatever I have to do by 2 pm. Half of my work day I am browsing Internet.

Have never had big f**ck-ups in my time here. Not asking for more money. Just for some development. Every year I get promised it and nothing happens.

Now for the dilemma. My salary pays for our children's schools. The elder one is doing GCSEs, the younger has started secondary. So not a good time to switch schools.

At the same time, being at work is a struggle. Also had a major fallout with a colleague which is not helping.

I am not sure I will be able to find a job which would pay as much. So I guess the question is what can I do to bear those few remaining years without going crazy and depressed.

I learnt this morning that my idea of what else I could do has fallen through so feeling completely down.

An analogy would be a chef which earns huge money because his employer has very rare and aspecific dietary requirements. In any other job they would work just as a regular chef.

Can you "work" from home in the afternoon?

How do they not care that you finish your work at 2pm?

Firstly write your CV. Or buy one of those career shifter books and do all the exercises. Or browse the various websites on career changes.

Not got any advice OP but just wanted to say I’m in a similar situation and understand your frustration! I find it’s really affected my confidence as well - maybe that’s why I can never get past the interview stage when I do apply for jobs these days... (or maybe it’s because I’m a woman who has smallish children ).

if they don't mind you surfing the internet from 2pm, then would they mind if you were doing online training? Seems they wouldn't really? You need to find something you can upskill in and start working on that. If you can't move unless you can command more money, then you have to make a plan to be able to do that.

I sympathise, it is soul destroying feeling stuck in a dead end job, you have to plan a way out.

I'd try looking for other jobs and try doing a course like one from the OU and doing it at work if you can
If you cant get anywhere then I'd pull the children out of private schools and let them go to state schools.
Nothing is worth your mental health, I was in a job I eventually hated and there was nothing to do at all. Well maybe an hours worth of work per month. My mental health went totally down the pan and it took me years to get back on track again. Don't go there OP.

I was in a similar situation (except I would never send my children to private schools) and it's soul destroying..

Could you work from home at all? At least that way you can get away from your desk without anyone noticing..

I feel your pain too. I move jobs regularly as a contractor but often end up in ones that are boring and slow but I need to stay in them because I'm the main breadwinner. And I need to stay near my hometown (rather than get more interesting jobs in a nearby city) so I can get home to make the kids tea and taxi them around to various activities.

It can be soul destroying. But I'm lucky to be able to at least move between boring jobs (got to count my blessings)! When work is slow I always think I will try and do something personally productive but daren't get too into something personal (like writing a novel or doing a course) in case someone sees. I tend to use my spare time to do all my personal admin and emailing which is useful. Sorry, no help at all here...

Is changing the younger child to a non fee paying school an option then sticking where you are just til the elder one finishes GCSEs?

Rather than asking for opportunities can you spot them? What can be improved? I can’t imagine everything is perfect where you are so what could be better?

Thanks so much for your understanding and encouragement.

Won't be allowed to work from home unfortunately as the office needs to have enough people present and I need access to my work files all the time

letshope actually I tried doing just that but any additional duties obviously need to be cleared with my boss. He didn't sound too pleased when I suggested even though I swore on my blood that my original duties will always come first and quality of my work will nit suffer. Eventiallt he agreed to have a talk with the relevant colleague but didn't do it in a month. Despite gentle reminders. Now it looks like that option is not open anymore.

That's the rather upsetting falling through that I mentioned in the OP.

I think this is one of those situations where you need to change your mindset as you’re not in a position to change jobs.

When my daughter was young, i worked two days. I was so frustrated because I love my job, and I hated the idea that I was standing still. I couldn’t change jobs because I’m well paid and I need the money. What I did was to start seeing everything as a choice: I had the choice to walk out and never go back. There would be consequences, but I had the choice, I wasn’t being forced to do that job, I needed my job because I had a child to support. It was my choice to go to work because it suited my purposes.

Oh, forgot - when it comes to development, I really think you need to invent or find your own. No one will drop it in your lap, take owenershp of it. All you’ve done by asking for development is make it their problem. Make it your problem, and solve it.

If I were you I’d probably start looking for a new job. I know you’ve said you wouldn’t be able to find somewhere that paid as well and you are probably in the best position to know that, but you never know what might come up. I wouldn’t necessarily start a full on job search as that can take up a lot of time and it sounds like you might not find what you want, but generally keeping an eye on job sites, you can set up alerts so they email you when jobs that fit your criteria come in. This might also give you an idea of what skills the jobs that do pay more are looking for, and then you can decide if you’re interested in that, and if so try and focus on gaining those skills.

Also try and focus on the positives of your job, it’s awful being bored with nothing to do, but presumably you never have to stay late, take work home, work through lunch, get stressed about deadlines, and even though that may not make up for being bored to death they are definitely positives.

Homer Simpson says: " you don't like your job, you don't quit. You just go in every day and do it real half arsed. That's the American way"

Or you could apply for another!

To be honest, I would just continue until at least dc1 finishes (university is cheaper than school fees!) with only one set of fees you will have more flexibility.

I was in a similar situation - I took up a new role, found it didn't take up the whole of my time, and couldn't persuade my boss to allow me to take on more responsibilities, even though other colleagues were over-busy. It was very frustrating and demotivating, especially since I was working away from home to do the role. I ended up covertly doing work to support other colleagues, just to keep busy. However, I would suggest that you don't give up hope entirely, as things can change in ways you don't expect. In my case, my boss went off sick, and then left, so I ended up doing her role until they recruited. More money, and a much more interesting job - and it showed me that I was much happier/better when busy! I would also suggest that you cover your back by ensuring that there's a paper trail so you can demonstrate to people above your boss that you have asked for additional opportunities - the worst possible outcome would be for this all to get turned around and you to be let go for cruising the internet in working hours!

I definitely second the suggestions to look for training courses that would benefit you. If they relate to your field or, say, development of management skills, if you're asked about it, you could justifiably point out that you're working to acqire new skills and improve your value to the company.

Myself, I'd be tempted to learn a language, it can open up opportunities that you might never think of. It sounds like there's an opportunity in this, and studying could make the daily grind more worthwhile.

I had a similar job a few years ago. I filled my time by doing an MBA. Now I have a much more fulfilling job and slightly more money

Try to do a course and get a qualification to pass your time and it might help later on.

Who are these organisations that employ people yet don’t give their employees enough work to do ? There was another very similar thread the other day. What a crazy situation.

Most of us have too much work to do in too little time .

No real suggestion for you though, just take a book to read if you are bored.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and suggestions.

The situation is indeed soul destroying as it is not just a matter of having something to do during office time but also wanting to do something more and apparently not being trusted with it. Despite 8 years of experience in this environment.

Ok, worst case scenario is that you’ve got to put up with this for another 2.5 years. If you’ve done 8 then it’s not ideal, but doable.

To feel that you’re doing something positive in the meantime, have a look around for jobs. Ok, you might not find anything suitable but you might - you definitely won’t if you don’t try! Don’t put it off for fear that not finding an alternative will be too demoralising; think of it as part of a process: either you’ll find jobs that you do want but don’t have the experience or qualifications for (put all that spare time to good use for studying or weaving some of the required experience into your existing role), or you’ll be researching the sort of job you want when you can leave.