To give my DH a taste of his own medicine.

[ToughTitties]

DH has abused me for years, physically and emotionally, although the physical abuse stopped a couple of years ago.

WIBU if I just started treating him the way he's been treating me in order to get rid?

If I leave he will just find me, hound me and manipulate me into coming back ( as he has done in the past several times). And I can't face that again!

I'm really at the end of my tether with this marriage and he just will not leave. His current tactic is to pretend he is changing and he is killing me with kindness which is just making me feel suffocated and angry!

Anyone have any experience of doing this?

Get help and support to ensure you can leave safely. Make sure he can’t find you. Don’t be manipulated. Stay safe.

There lies the road to going insane, forgetting what it is like to be normal and staying stuck.

You need to make real plans to end it.

Start thinking of yourselves as in charge. Respond appropriately to any hounding and he can only manipulate you if you allow it.

Do you have children? Anymore abuse and gameplaying will destroy them.

So...... You're going to become abusive to him? That's the plan?

God, I hope there's no kids in the house.....

There has to be a better way surely? How would he react to your abuse..more physical abuse? You need help to get away and be in a position where you cannot be manipulated instead of playing games. Don't stoop to this, look at making a happy future away from him

Can you leave and stay somewhere safe? Do you have kids? Do you have family who can put you up? Do you know if there is a refuge locally? Please do get help and good luck.

Start taking active steps to get out of this relationship.

See a solicitor.

Tell friends.

Make sure you are safe.

Disengage.

No, don't take part in this. Walk away however you can.

It's not going to change him, that's the ultimate truth. People who abuse other people don't change, they just manipulate their behaviours to subdue those around them. You will never change him, you will never punish him enough to feel 'good' about it. The only way to truly feel good is to get away.

We have no children, I have nowhere to go that he won't be able to follow me. I have no friends or family as he has controlled my life. I have tried to leave in the past and all attempts have been unsuccessful ( even when police have been involved).

To be clear I'm not looking to abuse him, more turn the tables on his gaslighting etc. If that makes sense? Use his coercive and manipulative tactics on him.

I feel like the only way for the relationship to truly end is for him not to want me anymore, the only way I can see to achieve this would be to stop pandering to his control of me and standing up for myself and wondered if anyone else has done this?

OP you might be putting yourself at serious risk by trying this I wouldn't advise it. Go to women's aid, you need to flee to somewhere he can't find you, this might be via refuge

You are giving him all the power here. You can make this truly end. Not just him. You need to seek independent advice and help to get far away. YYY to Woman’s Aid. Please.

Thanks for the responses I will get in touch with women's aid.

That isn't a good plan, you don't need to sink to that level. What are your finances like?

Do you work?
Rent or own?

If you turn the tables on him he might start being physically abusive again or worse kill you. sounds drastic but if he feels like he is loosing control he might go drastic.