to think my DD has aspergers?

[DoomOfValeria]

Posting for traffic and advice really! My dd is nearly 12 and I strongly feel she has aspergers, however I don't know if it will be the best thing for her to push for diagnosis. I hope the following doesn't sound like a big list of negatives as she is amazing, clever, kind and just a lovely girl, however I am hoping that somebody more experienced might be able to help! She has always been very headstrong and from an early age spoke like an adult with a big vocabulary.

She struggles socially with her friends although she is kind to them but doesn't really read situations well and falls out a lot with them. She is incredibly bossy with her brothers. She is obsessed with things being 50/50 exactly the same equal with them. She also has sensory issues with labels, shoes, socks etc. At school, she is fine and I haven't mentioned my concerns with them but comments have been made about her bossiness and rigidity. It's like she holds it in then explodes at home. We are consistent and I hold my ground and don't give in 99% of the time if she is misbehaving.

She has poor sense of space and is always very in your face, interrupting and accidentally hurting her sibling. She has poor fine motor skills, scruffy handwriting and struggles with laces, knife and fork etc. However she is fab at swimming and riding a bike, she really perseveres until she gets the hang of something. She hates change and gets very anxious at the beginning of every half term at school, exams, tests, if she hasn't finished her homework etc. She gets very upset if we say we are going to do something, then the plans change and we often have battles in the morning to get ready for school. When we go food shopping or somewhere noisy she gets very overwhelmed and is loud, hyper and behaves really immaturely for her age.

There is so much more but when reading about aspergers in girls, she seems to tick so so many boxes, it was like reading a description of her! My partner disagrees with me and only thinks that she has some of the characteristics, he just doesn't see it even though he knows the struggles we have with her anxiety and behaviour. He thinks that we shouldn't "label" her and also that she wouldn't be happy about being seen as different to her peers (which I agree with 100%). I just feel like life is so hard for her and I worry that she will struggle with her mental health in the future if she doesn't get the right support now. Thanks for reading, I know it is long!

We are currently going through the process for a diagnosis for our DD who is almost 11 right now. It was mentioned to us by a counsellor and the school agreed that they also think she displays traits of Aspergers (although now you just get a blanket ASD diagnosis). We went through a very difficult time with her as a result of a change, the effects of which took over a year before normality was resumed, and it was due to this that we brought in a counsellor. She was initially fast tracked into the process for a diagnosis due to the impact of her behaviour at the time on all of us- we were all at breaking point, she then seemed to get lost in the appointment system and her second and third appointments were a whole year after her initial one. Getting a diagnosis is a very long process so I would start now if you decide to go for it. Our daughter sounds a lot like yours, and having done some courses I felt like I had lightbulb moments were the speaker was describing our DD exactly. The ‘boy’ brain theory of ASD also fits her perfectly- she is very much a tomboy, specific over what clothes she wears, prefers maths and science, etc. At the end of our last appointment the nurse told us to get a diagnosis you need to tick all of the boxes- we think that was her way of saying our DD may not receive a diagnosis as she may not tick every box. She is now awaiting an assessment with a doctor and speech therapist who will then decide on a diagnosis. Sorry probably not much help and long winded.

I suggest you also look at Dyspraxia in teens, as it seems to me there is a lot of overlap. My DD has a diagnosis of dyspraxia and displays many of the things you describe. (I keep looking at Asperger's and ruling it out, but still have concerns.)

I would personally say it is worth pursuing as DD's difficulties got more pronounced in secondary, and when we finally got the diagnosis it helped at school as she could 'label' her difficulties which made staff and (some) other pupils more understanding. Plus it assisted towards getting extra time (processing speed / executive functioning issues).

It sounds like it might be worth finding out. It is hard to get a diagnosis for autism in young people who are managing at school. I'd still try, but be aware it may not happen. However, even if you don't get a diagnosis, you can have a read up on what helps people with Asperger's and dyspraxia and then see if it helps her.

However, it may well be useful to get a diagnosis eventually for university and work. At uni she could get funding for mentoring and deadline extensions to help with anxiety. At work she could qualify for reasonable adjustments like having the same chair in a hotdesking office or being allowed to eat in a specific place away from others, which could mean the difference between a job and no job.

I agree that it's worth looking at a dyspraxia diagnosis too.

I'm 34. I was diagnosed with Asperger's at 28. I was told I am classically austidtic for a woman.

In the '90s people still believed that Asperger's and autism were boys conditions.

I was bullied and miserable for a lot of my childhood, especially teenage years. If I had a diagnosis it would have helped. There is support available. But only if you have the diagnosis.

You could be describing my dd aged 13. I thought for a long time that labelling her would bring no benefit. However, it got to stage that I had to go to the gp as I just wasn't coping. We are going through the process and is very close to getting her diagnosis of High functioning autism (asperger). It has opened up help at school already and we have family support services involved as well as camhs. It doesn't make the hard times easier but I'm confident In time, she and I will learn strategies to help. Good luck and much sympathy and hugs

• Are, not Is. She has had the initial Paed, SALT and Senco assessments. It's putting them all together to get an EHCP, fingers crossed.

Thank you so much for your replies, I will definitely take on board the advice! It is so hard to know what to do for the best, I just want her to be happy . I think she feels that she is different to her peers, like she knows there is something that makes her stand out which breaks my heart.