To let my daughter walk to school with her best friend?

[MaggieMagpie357]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

My nine year old DD started middle school in September. 90% of kids walk to and from the school (about half an hour each way from our house,) all fine with that.

DD was keen to walk with her BFF who lives in the next road, so can call for her on the way. Fab! Then over the summer a lot of their friends mums started asking if their DDs could walk with them too, until one actually started a WhatsApp walking group and there ended up being 9 or 10 of them that all wanted to walk together.
We felt at the time that this was too many, but felt obligated to say ok.

Some of these girls go to after school clubs etc, and it became so complicated we ended up printing out a rota for the girls so they knew who was walking on what day!! Then some would go off without them, some would fall out, etc etc until it just got ridiculous and my DD felt very stressed out by it all.

After one particular incident I felt enough was enough, so I put a message out to the mums saying that I felt they needed a break from each other and that DD and her BFF would just walk together for the time being as it was becoming too stressful. Well you can probably imagine the upheaval that caused

I have had numerous messages over the past few weeks from various parents about how the girls are now ignoring each other on the way to school, so and so is upset because she thought they were all friends and why don't they want to walk with her any more, etc etc and I've literally had enough. I've tried to be as diplomatic as I can with each of them but it's driving me and DD mad! All she wants to do is have a peaceful walk to school with her best friend!

AIBU about this? I don't want to fall out with any of the mums as we are all close friends. But how can I possibly resolve this?

YANBU! They set up a ROTA for kids to walk to school together?! That is ridiculous! Poor kids.

Your 9yo walks half an hour each way unaccompanied?!?

Resolve it by stepping as far back as you can.

This is such a clear example of parents interfering where they don't need to be. I've never heard anything as ridiculous as a 'WhatsApp walking group'.

Let the kids do what they choose to do and try to nod and smile at the drama llamas.

Your 9yo walks half an hour each way unaccompanied?!?

Yes, which is completely normal for most independent kids in certain areas.

Just tell them to leave a bit earlier, then they won't see the others.

Your 9yo walks half an hour each way unaccompanied?!?

Really? I'm sure the OP is perfectly capable of deciding whether or not this is safe and appropriate for her child.

Goodness me rotas and chatgroups what a palava, trying to micromanage kids was always going to be a disater. you allshould have left well alone anyway yanbu let her walk with her friend and others can walk with them if they want.

I don't think any of the parents, including yourself, should have got involved in the first place.

@Totallydisrespected
It's a good thing that a 9 year old can walk this on their own. All do at my dds school. Didn't need the '?!'

@arethereanyleftatall I didn't want want to get involved at all, I was quite happy for DD and her BFF to walk together. The other parents asked if their kids could join them. It seemed rude to say no but in hindsight I wish I had

You didn't do anything wrong but you all didn't need to get over involved like that if you had left it to the kids to sort out then there wouldn't have been such a hoha of definate meeting up

I would have just responded ' I'm not getting involved. The girls can sort out who they're walking with.'
My dd has just started walking this year, year 5. They all sorted out who was walking with who, and where they were meeting themselves. It didn't occur to any of them to get the parents involved. And they would have had short shrift if they'd tried.

What does the mum of the “bff” think? Did you devise the rota?
Why not just all agree a time to be at a specific location and who is there walks etc? I’m sure once the weather changes the girls will not be as fussed to walk in the mornings and the walk home is always easier as everyone leaves together anyway.

Why would they ask you and not each other? Surely the point is they are at the age where by they can sort stuff like this out.

I used to walk to school with my best friend when I was 9, it was a 30min walk. I'd say to her, are you walking tomorrow, she'd say yes. My mum wasn't required to arrange this for me as I could speak aged 9. How times have changed. Maybe your daughter could say to her friend, shall we walk together? Yes that would be nice. Great.

Do the kids have mobiles? If so they can have a group chat and tell the group if they are ill, going to a club etc

I think that the mums have made this too complicated. I would just have a rule that the group will leave a certain spot at a certain time. Somebody will have a watch it phone with the time.

I would be quite happy with them sorting it out amongst themselves, it's the other mums who see fit to get involved unfortunately.

I did not devise the rota, that was the idea of one of the other mums as no one could remember who was walking on which day. The rota has long since been abandoned anyway!

I am at the point where if I get any more messages from the mums I will refuse to get involved. I'm seriously thinking of taking DD to breakfast club at school just so we don't have this bloody issue any more!

@totallydisrrspected the us is very different. Many areas are very socially segregated and more affluent areas don’t tend to have public transport so walking is often co spidered a perfectly safe alternative to driving

Would it be easier to just message/ say “dd is walking with me at 8.00 each day, anyone is welcome to join but it’s causing stress to the start of the day deciding who is walking with whom and meeting places etc. She will also be walking home alone when all the children leave at the same time”

That way you get to supervise the walking in and walking home gives more independence which is what you say dd would like.

walking rotas? chat groups? I sense a massive catfight is coming

@Orchidflower1 that's the point, she doesn't want a load of them to turn up and start walking with them as that's when arguments break out. She literally just wants to walk with her BFF so they can catch up, as they don't have any lessons together any more. Some of the other girls she shares lots of classes with, so she feels it's really not necessary to walk with them too. Plus it's just too complicated!!

You just need to say I am not getting involved in squabbles they can walk together or not but my dd will be walkibg to school most days then don't talk about it anymore.

Iswym OP but doesn’t your dd see her friend at lunchtime/ breaktime/ after school too? I’m sure after a while the novelty of lots walking together will wear off. I’d step back and just let them join in if they want to- that way if dd friend is off she has others to go with too and develop other friendships. Could she see her bff maybe for a tea after school every few weeks if she’s wants to spend time just the two of them? Breakfast club would add unnecessary costs.

I'm seriously thinking of taking DD to breakfast club at school just so we don't have this bloody issue any more!

That's ridiculous.

This is your child's school life and that's what should come first, not parental friendships etc.

I honestly wish parents would back off and find friends outside of their kid's 'territory', if they're going to let it interfere.

In a few years time when your child is at senior school, you won't even remember half of these parents who you're trying to please.

You'll bump into them at parents evening and think, "Oh yeah, that's whatsername's mum, I forgot all about her". Honestly, you might not think it now but that's what tends to happen.

Get DD and BFF off to school 5 mins before everyone else. In the afternoon, suggest they wait and chat after school for 10mins (out of sight of the other girls) and then walk home