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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I ditching my freind for a guy?

5 replies

Wouldyoubeokwiththis · 13/11/2018 00:57

Childhood freind and I made very vague plans to go traveling in a couple of years (one conversation, just saying how we should do it at some point. Didn’t discuss when exactly, where or any other details).

My BF proposed to me this weeks and I phoned my friend to tell her. The only thing she asked was if we are still going travelling which I hadn’t even thought about till she brought it up. I didn’t get any congratulations or any well wishes. I told her I can’t confirm anything right now as we havnt discussed when we are getting married and I will also have to think about finances. At this point she went off on a rant saying she can’t belive I am picking a guy I hardly know (we have been together for over a year, which she says is not long enough before you agree to marry someone) over her and that I’m choosing him over our friendship. She has basically said that our friendship is over if we don’t go traveling.

I have alway made sure I still do things with her (ie still going out regularly and going on holiday with her) so she dosnt feel like I have replaced her since I have been with my BF.

Yes I could delay my wedding to after we go traveling but in all honestly, I feel like why should I for someone who clearly doesn’t care about my happiness. I really don’t know who is being selfish here, me or her.

AIBU to reconsider our plans to travel now that I’m engaged or should I have automatically prioritied traveling with my freind since we had talked about it first? I probably would have considered delaying the wedding if she had been happy for me but now I feel like I don’t want to even consider it out of sheer principle.

OP posts:
Johnnyfinland · 13/11/2018 01:00

Hmm, personally I wouldn’t assume getting engaged would mean you can’t go travelling, and a year really isn’t very long to be together before getting married, but her response does sound very selfish in that it was her first question and she didn’t even congratulate you. And giving you an ultimatum is not really on. On balance, she is being unreasonable

JustGettingStarted · 13/11/2018 01:02

She is being completely unreasonable. If you'd made somewhat solid plans - discussed destinations for, say, next August - then she would be perfectly reasonable to ask if that was still your plan AFTER she congratulated you.

I'd imagine that her little tiff will have changed the way you see her and I don't think that you'd be able to enjoy a trip with her, now.

Monty27 · 13/11/2018 01:04

I did that. Df found another traveling companion. I still wish I'd done it though. wistful

rainbowquack · 13/11/2018 01:49

Congrats!!!

I guess that your friend is feeling a little sidelined by your news. Whilst the ultimatum is not cool, I would try to meet her for coffee and talk face to face, maybe starting by saying that you underestimated how important that was to her. Why not go travelling before you get married? Sounds like a wonderful thing to do. Go for a couple of weeks around one country (say Greece or Thailand).

She is BU but, in this instance, I would show her nothing but reassurance and kindness, and a willing to have some time with her before you take this big step.

And as a side note: a year is plenty time to know, I married within a year, aged 24, and it is a very happy marriage. We are both in our forties now.

Hopoindown31 · 13/11/2018 08:04

How well does she know your bf?

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