AIBU to feel he’s prioritising spending time with them over me?

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My boyfriend and I don’t live together, and our time together is limited because we each have our kids (from previous relationships) every other weekend, and the weekends don’t always coincide. Just for background, we’ve been together for about four years and it has gone from casual to quite serious within the last year and we have plans to eventually move in together. For various and mutual reasons to date, however, we’ve kept our respective family lives relatively separate.

This Saturday he has invited some colleagues over for dinner. I’m not invited as it’s work clique consisting of himself and three female colleagues, and it will be a lot of gossip about the organisation they work for - and none of this bothers me at all. What bothers me is that he didn’t check to see if I was free, before inviting them over.

In fairness, we spent the previous weekend together, so he probably assumed I’d be busy - although I’ve just swapped a weekend to help my ex out so I actually am free, as does happen from time to time.

This sort of thing has happened a few times and I’m starting to feel that time spent with me is less important to him than time spent with other people. As the time we do spend together is mainly spent having sex, I’m also starting to wonder if he values my company outside if the bedroom. AIBU?

I think yabu. He is allowed to make plans with his friends without checking with you first.

He should run now

YABU. Do you really expect him to check with you first every time he wants to hang out with his mates?

So you spend every other weekend together. You spent last weekend together ergo this weekend you wouldn't be together. So he made plans. He is more than free to do this and doesn't need to check in with you anyway. Even less so because of the alternate weekend. You swapping etc is irrelevant.

My Dp works nights. We rarely see eachother early in the week. I wouldn't think to check if he was free before I made plans on night I don't often see him.

Tbh, even if we lived together, unless we had firm plans for something, I would still make plans with friends.

You may feel like his isn't interested in anything but sex. But I don't think has really done anything wrong in this situation.

You sound clingy

I think it would be more difficult to get four colleagues together on one weekend than a partner, so I don't really think it's a case of him prioritising time with them over you. Maybe if it was a mate he regularly saw, I would be annoyed, but not a one-off group gathering.

I'll go against the grain and say that you don't really see very much of each other do you? If you feel that your relationship EOW is based mostly on sex then naturally you're not happy. It would have been nice I'd your boyfriend asked if you were busy because that's what couples do isn't it, spend their time together? Are you going to talk to him about how you feel op?

You spend a lot of time together in bed. Do you talk on the phone during the week, connect in other ways, go out, or is it just EOW shagging?

I can understand how you might feel disappointed. He probably just assumed you were busy. If he seems to be making plans with others a lot when you are free, I would take care step back.

Massively unreasonable. If my husband told me I had to check with him before I arranged a meeting with friends in case HE was free, I'd laugh in his face.

I think you are being unreasonable, he wasnt expecting to see you and made some plans.

However your relationship does not sound particularly healthy (on either side), four years on and not getting to know each others family is unusual.

This might sound judgemental as I do imagine it's hard with kids to blend a family.
But after 4 years you've finally started getting serious, which involves keeping your families completely seperate and shagging a lot every other weekend? I can't even imagine what was happening before this year if that is your definition of serious tbh.
It all sounds very casual still, and while you might occasionally talk about moving in together it doesn't sound too serious.
With the arrangements you've got in place I would make my own plans without discussing it with anyone. I discuss all plans with DH but that's because of his work schedule and someone looking after the kids.
Do you go on dates or just shag and stay in the bedroom all weekend?

I get it, similar situation me. Feels like you've lost out and he's picked them BUT he really didn't know you'd changed weekends. It's not him whose moved the goalposts.

You are rightly disappointed but unreasonable to blame him.

He didn’t know you were free so made arrangements with other people. That’s fine. He doesn’t have to check with you before doing this anyway. I realise the circumstances of your relationship mean you don’t get to see each other as often as you’d like....but there is more to life than your relationship. You won’t always be prioritised. It’s perfectly ok for him to socialise with other people at the weekend.

In other news, your relationship sounds pretty sucky if all you do when you see each other is have sex. You realise if he moves in that’s what he’ll expect...constant sex. When it’s not forthcoming there will be rows as the silly sod wonders where his nympho has gone. Suggest you introduce some variety into your dates outside of shagging.