Long post but don’t want to drip feed.
Long term daily lurker, but first post.
My mum passed away 10 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant. My aunt was with us when she passed. My aunt is a really lovely woman who was like a second mother to me growing up. My mum (her sister) has an alcohol problem that eventually killed her. She wasn’t a brilliant mum due to her alcohol, but I loved her. I broke my heart when she died and spent the rest of my pregnancy bed ridden crying and struggling to keep Bp down. I suffered post natal depression, but I think it was just extended grief.
Just to give you an insight into my mum, on a good day she was a lovely little Irish lady with a plan to feed everyone in sight, with a wicked sense of humour. But when she flipped with the drink she once set several fires around the house and sat in the garden waiting for it to burn with me and my dad inside because he wouldn’t take her to the pub that day. I moved out as soon as I could and it helped our relationship a lot, and my dad stood by her and loved her despite some terrible treatment.
My mum had always said she didn’t want a grave or stone or anything, and we honoured those wishes despite very loud objections from aunt and that side of the family. They accused us of not caring, and got a headstone for her in Ireland next to her mother, even though her ashes are scattered in England. It was weird and annoying that mum didn’t want it and they’d done it anyway, but I was about to become a mum and greiveing heavily so had enough on my plate.
We’re nearly ten years on, a lot of water under the bridge. A lot of counselling to get over mummy issues. I’ve kept in touch with my aunt with Christmas cards and we live on the same block so saying hello in the street and shops and quick catch up.
She’s been battling cancer for 15 years, and my dad rang today to say he’d seen on Facebook my cousin had posted my aunt has died.
I went to look but cousin has blocked me. This could have been years ago, I have no idea. I messaged my other two cousins and sent them my condolences, and they replied thanks.
Then, i propbably shouldn’t have done this, regretting it now, I went on husbands profile who isn’t blocked and messaged cousin. Just said how lovely his mum was and how sad I was to hear she’d died, and hoped he didn’t mind me messaging him, and that I don’t know how I would have coped growing up without her being there as my safe space.
I got a torrent of abuse back, saying he never wants to hear from me, my dad, or my sister, we’re not welcome at the funeral, and as I clearly didn’t give a sh.t when my own mum died, why should I care about his mum.
I’m shocked! And making excuses that he’s grieving and upset. But where do I stand now? AIBU to go to the funeral?