AIBU to consder an independent school

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Backgroud is that I am very much against education segregated by parental wealth, wanted all my DC to go to state schools, think that every child should be given the opportunity to achieve in life regardless of background, and am basically very left-wing about schooling.

But now I am considering independent school for one of my 3 DC. He has additional needs, and probably won't acheive his potential in a mainstream secondary. There are great independent options out there that I think would meet his needs. I can afford them.

But... I hate the idea. I amost cried when I ordered a prospectus for one of the schools. I really want him to go to a mainstream state school, but I think that would be selling him short. The cut in funding, especially for SEN, are showing at his current primary and he doesn't get the help he needs.

So, AIBU to compromise my principles now that it's my child? FWW I don't think that any child (especially with additional needs) should be faced with an inadequate education, and I am very uncomfortable about the thought of buying my way out of this.

Might be slightly controversial but if it was my child, I would be stuffing my principles in a cupboard and I would be acting in their best interests.

It's a shame that more parents don't have the choice but frankly that's not your problem right now.

I have the same principles as you; however I agree with garbagegirl!

It’s up to you whether you want to get your child the help he needs and you can afford or whether you want to be smug.
Half (or more) of the Labour Party have dc at Private schools and many parents who have dc at Private schools didn’t go themselves but have worked hard and prioritised education over other things ( I appreciate parents with dc at State School do this too).
Do the right thing for your child, he won’t thank you if you deny him the education he needs due to your principles

My dd is in a school that caters to her needs. My principles took a massive back seat when I realised what her alternatives were. She shouldn't have to miss out because of the moral stick up my arse.
Ps - best thing I ever did, never seen her so happy.

Yes, I think it’s time to consider all options.

This gets my goat - my DS goes to private school. Both parents work in public sector, it is a huge sacrifice. I support the right of any parent to do so. There
are better more expensive schools, we can’t afford them, others can - quite fine with that, that’s life! I have never sought to prevent others from doing so or claimed they are wrong to do so.

This is exactly what the left says about private school - until it’s their own children. Rank hypocrisy!

I have 2 D.C. and have always been against private education.
However my DS has special needs. He went to 2 state primaries and it was a constant battle to get him support and understanding. He was often treated punitively or ignored.
We moved him to a prep school in year 6. It had a good reputation for helping children with special needs, was small and friendly. It was far from perfect, but a huge improvement for us in terms of individual approach, adjustments, communication and support. Academically he flourished - the small class sizes made a HUGE difference. He has just moved to another senior private school. The tailoring of the curriculum to his needs has been great, he has made friends and at parents 3vening, the posivity we got was worlds away from the attitude of his state schools.
It’s not fair. When we were shown around his current school, it made me sad because the opportunities these kids get from an early age, the extra facilities, attention and nurturing is so privileged. But, for my son, if it helps I do it.

The thing with principlrs is that they are rarely mutually exclusive. Like you I am against private education, but as a parent it is my responsibility to do the best I can for my child. This principle over rides all others. As it happened the local state schools were excellent and he went there and did very very well. But if local schools had been poor he would have gone to a private school at the drop of a hat

Just do it, don’t sacrifice his happiness on the altar of your principles.

FFS do what is right for your child. And no, it won't be at the expense (excuse the pun) of others that would have been at his state school.
Sending him to a state school that is inadequate for his needs would be sticking to your principles at the expense of your son.

@wigornian - I don’t think hypocrisy is the right word. That would describe a situation where I considered that inadequate state SEN provision was ok for other children, just not for mine.

What I want, campaign for, volunteer my time for and want is good provision for every child. But that’s not going to happen. I’ve seen the provision at my DC’s school go ever more under-funded. There simply no way for the school to support him, betfunds have to go to children with more severe needs than his.

It’s a crappy situation, and I could battle for years getting and EHCO to make sure that precious LA funds are directed at my DS to given him what he needs, or I can send him to an independent school.

Either way, his education is goinyto cost more than a typically-developing child’s would.

I would prefer him to be in a state school, but my overriding concern is that he gets a good education.

Neither choice is ideal. I’m not really sure which one is best. But, thank you to everyone who commented, and I’ll be considering all the options possible with a bit more enthusiasm now.

I didn't mean that to sound so harsh but the drama about crying about the independent school prospectus when your son has additional needs that are not being met by the state sector is just bonkers to me.

My kids are a lot more important than my principles.

What I want, campaign for, volunteer my time for and want is good provision for every child.

You can still do that without your son missing out

@noworklifebalance - it wasn’t harsh. It was an ott reaction, but it actually happened. I think it’s the stress of trying to deal with the consequences of his SN, mixed feelings that I should have done it sooner and I’ve been letting him down for years, sadness that not everyone gets this choice, my own autism making emotional reactions a bit unpredictable or atypical and probably more.

I actually found your comment helpful.

@Springerlink

I spent two years fighting for an EHCP for my son with high functioning autism. He is now funded by the LA at an independent specialist school as there is simply no suitable state provision.

So you could look at it this way; if you pay for independent provision, the state doesn’t have to, and that money remains in the state budget for other SEN kids.

Springerlink
It's very good of you to say that - however, even though I still have the same opinion on what you should do, I could have phrased it better.
Good luck with getting the support you need for your son.