AIBU- Co sleeping

[SheIsALiamGallagherKindaGal86]

I am caught up in a tricky situation regarding the ex inlaws since they last had my Ds stay over night. Basically, i have never co slept with my now 16mo Ds and have never had any intentions of doing so. Many reasons but mainly because i don't want DS becoming resistant in sleeping in his cot and because of the safety of it (I don't know how much i move in my sleep). Anyway, i allowed my Ds to stay at my ex's parents as they still maintain a good relationship with my Ds and i was told on his return back to me that my Ds's step nan co slept with him! I am so angry! She has absolutely no right to do this and they know my views on it. They said that Ds wouldn't settle in his travel cot which i don't believe they gave him a chance to.He can take a while to settle some nights, especially in a new environment. My mother has had him sleep over a few times and has never had any problems. Anyway, they have been asking to have Ds again one weekend and i am not wanting to as i don't believe they will respect my wishes in regards to my Ds sleeping situations. Should i stick to my guns or give in and risk them doing what they want again?

Personally I think you are being melodramatic. If you trust them enough to let DC stay over at theirs then you have to trust that they did what was best in the situation. When my DC stay at my parents (or anyone else's for that matter) I accept that they won't do things the way that I do them. I trust them to look after my DC in the best way, even though it may be different to how I'd do it.

If you feel that strongly then don't let her stay but it would be a shame to break down the relationship over this IMO. Sounds like maybe there is a back story here? Do you have a reason to think they lied and said she wouldn't settle?

The Co sleeping advice is normally for babies. 16 months isn't a baby and I'd have no problem co-sleeping with a child that age.

It is your choice. However, I think you should give them a chance, and say "no co-sleeping this time, or that's it."

1. mothers and their young are naturally designed to sleep together. You are hardwired to not roll onto your baby.
2. 16 months old is not a baby. So although your ex’s parents are not hardwired sleep next to him, he is old enough and big enough for it to not matter.
3. the real issue is you did not want it to happen due to your sleep training of DS, and they have overstepped the mark/disregarded this. However it’s a balance you have to accept - when children stay with grandparents, the grandparents will have their own way of doing things such as bedtimes, and you can ensure that the habit stays contained only at their place.

I can understand why you are angry and if it was a 6 month old that would be one thing but I don't think the dangers are as significant for a 16 month old?

He's only 16 months. Pick your battles wisely. As PP said, they obviously don't parent how you parent but you trust them to care for him and keep him safe. That's all that matters. I don't think I ever asked where my LO slept when staying with relatives. I provided a travel cot but there's nothing to say he didn't sleep in their bed with them. I trust that they'd never do anything to put him in harms way and that's that.

Yes i understand its no longer dangerous at his age now its just the fact that the step nan thinks she can do as she pleases when it comes to my Ds. The ex in laws have never particularly liked me, they just pretend to for the Ds sake. I am happy to continue my Ds relationship with them but they are making it increasingly difficult when they obviously don't respect my wishes as his mother. Surely, if i chose not to do something and express it to them they should try work with me a bit? I know my ex father in laws attitude. It would be a case of "what she doesn't know won't hurt"

I don't think I could get upset about this. I don't think it is dangerous, and I think dc are to e to know that sleeping arrangements are different in different people's houses.

That said, if you feel strongly then you wnbu to have a discussion beforehand about whether they'd be willing to stick to your rules and make a decision about they babysitting after that.

Do you think they have done this to spite you?

Thanks for the replies. I know alot of you probably think i am being ridiculous but we all have different ways and views when it comes to parenting our children. Thanks again.

I wouldn't think there are any safety issues at 16mths. Your issue is that it contradicts what you enforce at home. However, staying at grandparents is often a treat where they let you get away with things you're not normally allowed to do. So I would go with this line and let him have a lovely relationship with GP that's a bit different to the one he has with you and your dm.

If it helps, I never co sleep with my Ds. He is 2.5.
I worry like you and also I can't sleep properly as I'm just a fidget and worried I would push him out the bed! BUT!! My DM does co sleep with my son and it makes no difference what so ever to how he sleeps at home. He is round there for regular sleep overs and I think they adapt to each environment differently and therefore would not have the association of co sleeping when at home.

I would let it go if I were you and just enjoy the night off