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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He's met someone else versus She's having an affair

7 replies

ConorMcGregorsChin · 11/11/2018 19:19

Backstory - An ex of mine who I've known for 10 years (we've stayed friends) told me from the beginning he was damaged because his ex who he lived with at the time ran off with his best mate and left him heartbroken. Said he hated any kind of infidelity. Recently he's told me about one of his mates who frequently gets drunk (and drives) to meet women from swingers websites while leaving his partner sleeping at home. More recently, he told me another good friend was crashing at his. I was surprised as this was a man who I've always believed was happy in his marriage with 2 young children so I said "Oh no, that sounds sad" I was told I'm fact no, it was a good thing. Because mate left wife. Mate had met someone else. Been unhappy for around 4 years. Only spent one night in my exes spare bed before moving in with the OW.
Is it just me, or does it appear to be ok for men to cheat, whereas women are all snakes with tits if they put a foot wrong?

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 11/11/2018 19:21

Erm no I think men and women who cheat are viewed negatively. If you're not happy in a relationship you try and work on it or you leave, cheating is never the right thing to do

ConorMcGregorsChin · 11/11/2018 19:34

Mrs I agree. But I'm sick of having it rammed down my neck that "what goes on tour, stays on tour" as far as stag parties etc are concerned. I clearly need to stop engaging with men who hate women who cheat, but think it's ok when their mates do it.

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Holdingonbarely · 11/11/2018 19:35

I don’t think you’re hanging around with the right people.
I don’t know any men who behave like that.

ConorMcGregorsChin · 11/11/2018 19:37

Holding Thanks for confirming that. I've been struggling lately with being too nice a person and feeling exhausted. But you are 100% right.

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ToPlanZ · 11/11/2018 19:48

Well didn't you say oh you've changed your opinion on infidelity then, because I remember you were cut up by your ex girlfriend's behaviour. Guess now you're less bothered and think it was fine for her to behave that way if it made her happier.

cheminotte · 11/11/2018 19:51

I think the word is double-standards.

ConorMcGregorsChin · 12/11/2018 09:12

To and Chem you are both totally right.
And it serves to remind me why he's an ex.
And all his mates are clearly self satisfied selfish fuckwits.

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