Not to send “save the dates”

[EarlyBird123]

Getting married abroad in April 2020, but rather than sending “save the date” cards, we want to send invitations out early as we know all the details already. Is that acceptable or a total no, no?

You'll end up having to re-send them because people will lose the invite and forget.

I think if it's abroad, I'd definitely just send invited ASAP. If I was going to commit to booking flights, book time off work, etc, I'd want a proper invite with all the detail rather than just a save-the-date

You're proposing to send invites almost 18 months before the wedding? That's far too early. There's absolutely no way I'd commit to something that far in advance & I certainly couldn't ask for annual leave this early. It's probably too early to book flights etc. You'll end up chasing replies for ages or getting loads of cancellations nearer the time

Why do you feel the need to do either so early? I’m not a huge save the date fan- mainly because I’m not actually likely to save it unless it’s a close family member or best friend (nothing worse than having to explain why you’re declining an invite because they “told you a year in advance”!) but I suppose if it’s abroad or something i can see why.

I wouldn’t be able to keep an invite safe for 18 months though. I think it’s Too early for either

That’s what we are thinking. It will involve planning ahead as it’s not typical resort wedding.

And if people and lose invites they are clearly not interested enough to attend anyway.

We did this to save a few pennies and nobody seemed too fussed. It all gets to ridiculously expensive that saving a bit here and there can really help. Also l got married before everything was social media/electronic, I imagine if getting married now might send a save the date email or other free communication!

Sorry I see you say it’s abroad. As a poster said though flight bookings are unlikely to be open etc. If you have to send a save the date

And I mean sending them around February time rather than today, but skipping the save the date bit.

I would prefer a friend / relative to send a direct invite in Feb as you suggest. I would need to save up money!

We sent initial messages/convos to gauge numbers of people about 15 months before our wedding abroad, then “save the date” emails sent around 9 months before the wedding with information on location, hotels, travel etc.

Finally the proper invites went out about 3-4 months before the wedding

Just did a similar post myself, the general consensus seemed to be to send the whole invitation if you've got all your details. We're getting married locally next summer though so thought sending them a little earlier would be best as it's give people a chance to consider their summer holidays!

We got married abroad this year. Only decided 6 months before so most of our friends couldn’t afford it at such short notice. As it was a long haul and expensive destination. Which we completely understood and expected but depending on where you’re getting married and how much it will cost, the earlier the better I think. Especially if your friends have children etc.

To be honest, I'd rather know for sure well in advance as childcare is hard to arrange. And a good friend of mine recently got over excited about her impending wedding and told me in May this year to "save the date" (which was actually very close to Christmas) and yet I haven't had an invite as yet. I'm actually not bothered. I'd rather just know.

Thank you for all responses.

It is a cheap destination, but it is in the term time, and some of the guests are getting married same year as us, so i they will need to plan and save up.

The destination is not easy to get to, so it will be a bit of a logistical nightmare so would like to have idea about the numbers early enough.

I'd speak to people now to get some idea of how many would say yes. And that's a real yes.
As loads would say sounds great and then when they come to book it, see all the hassle with getting there and think "ah maybe not"
Save the dates don't get people to say yes or no anyway.

Can't you just send an email?

I’ve never really understood them and always found them a bit ‘bossy’ and I’m not sure of the point really as surely you just tell the people you really want there (ie family and close friends) when it will be? I think going straight to invitations is fine.

However we’ve just set a date that’s very close to Christmas next year so I’m wondering if we do need to send them, because I’m aware it’s a busy time so I want people to have lots of notice but also want to make it clear that we totally understand if people have other things on - easier to say that in conversation though I think.

Set up a free wedding website and email everyone the address. Have the details on there in case they lose the invite.

We got married in August and wrote a note in our cards the Christmas before.

If it’s a logistical nightmare maybe you should make that clear up front. You don’t want people to agree and then back out later.

Thanks, good idea with the website, need to look up how to do it.

I don’t actually know people’s email addresses - is that strange? I could send a fb message, whatsapp...

I don't see the point in "save the dates", the cards/fridge magnets/messages in mini glass bottles all end up in the bin anyway.

Just send an email or WhatsApp, save a few trees!

I would start a Facebook group and ask everyone to post their emails then do email save the dates - or just announce it on the group. Then send out real invitations nearer the time.

save the dates are never enough detail to know if you are going to attend. ie they never are 100% clear if its you invited, or you and other half, or even you and OH and your 7 kids. so your in no position to say if you are going to actually accept until you know exactly who is invited.