Non molestation

[octobersunshine]

Posting here shamelessly for traffic

My ex has initiated court proceedings for contact arrangements for two year old DS. We had our first hearing last week and he wants a contested hearing.

He's spent years engaging in insidious and intimidating behaviours and I've been advised to get a non-molestation order previously but for various reasons never did it. After the court hearing, he's been really threatening in person and using DS as a means to get at me which he is increasingly aware of. Last week he came to the house and when I tried to close the door, put his foot there and tried to push it open. DS was upset.

We know have ten weeks before a full contested hearing regarding a CAO. In the meantime, I'm petrified of him. Would it be possible to try for an ex parte non-mol order to ensure no contact and drop offs / pick ups are done by third party? What would be the process of this and the consequences regarding the final court hearing? Anyone know if it might likely be granted?

Do you have a solicitor in your family proceedings? They can arrange this for you. You need to submit an application to court for a hearing without notice, you would go with your solicitor to issue the application at court on an emergency basis and have the hearing the same day. You would need to submit an affidavit (a sworn written statement) in support of your application. Your solicitor would arrange a meeting with you to take instructions and then draft the statement and application for you prior to attending court. The court would grant an interim order for say, two weeks, with a return date you need to attend with your ex so he can tell his side of the story to the court. The order would have to be personally served on your ex, but your solicitor would arrange this also. When you return, the court would decide whether to let the order lapse (if you agree), make a final order (if the ex agrees) for say, a year or set the matter down for a contested hearing (if you won’t drop it and the ex wants to fight it, ie, he disputes the evidence you have put in your statement).

Whether the court grants it- the bar isn’t that high. If you set out in your statement a history of violence and/ or intimidating behaviour and say you fear for your safety, the court is likely to grant it. Any evidence such as a police report or medical records demonstrating any abuse would help, but isn’t esssential. Contested headings for these kind of orders are rare- the order would just prevent him from behaving in an intimidating way (threatening behaviour is a crime anyway) or contacting you directly (if you insist contact arrangements/handover take place through a third party, no court will insist on you dealing directly with him anyway). So there isn’t a lot to be gained from fighting the order.

Re: impact on contact arrangements, I imagine any issues that you have in relation to contact are already part of the contested hearing on that matter. Obviously a non mol preventing contact would mean a third party must be involved, but you could ask for that anyway in the contact proceedings, you don’t necessary need the non mol for that to happen.

Short answer- yes it’s possible. Speak to your solicitor tomorrow for proper advice tailored to your individual circumstances, but I hope this makes you feel better in the meantime.

Hi.

Thanks for this - it's really helpful.

My main concern was that I would be worried that the court might view this as retaliatory since we've already had our first hearing for the CAO and might question why I only brought it after his court action.

I could ask my ex to do drop offs via a third party but he'd most likely refuse which means a non-mol seems to be the only way. I'm terrified of him, I'm under a huge amount of emotional strain having to see him multiple times a week and my son clearly has some inkling despite the Cafcass report stating he's too young to comprehend.

There's never been physical violence. Is intimidation and threats enough?

Hi OP the above is very good advice, make sure you highlight the recent threats and intimidation and why you feel it is necessary now, if your solicitor isn't much help you can also call the NCDV for free advice they specialise in these matters.

There is no need for there to have been physical violence

www.ncdv.org.uk

You can explain in your statement that you are making the application now as he has started behaving in a threatening way due to the other proceedings. As stated above, no physical violence is required, threats and intimidation are sufficient.

If you have a contested hearing for contact, the court will make an order based on what it hears. It isn’t an agreed order so your ex would not need to agree to third party facilitation. If you do not agree to deal directly and state the reason why, I would be amazed if the court ordered this. It would most likely ask him to suggest a third party. Is there a family member that could assist that would be okay for both of you?

Hi areanyusernamesleft...

Are you a solicitor? In the FHDR, my solicitor said to the judge they thought we didn't need a contested hearing. Ex's barrister said they wanted one. My solicitor asked for written submissions. His barrister said only if I don't mention any of his behaviour / lack of contact with DS etc.

Now I'm in a position where I either don't mention that, although I think it's crucial to DS welfare and arrangements going forward, or raise it as an issue but be cross examined. Ex's barrister was very fierce and scary. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

Yes, although it’s difficult to give proper advice without knowing all the details and your own solicitor is best placed to give you that kind of information. I would say that if you can agree something that works for you both, then great. But if not, don’t be afraid of a contested hearing and just agree to not raise things you think are important because you are scared to have one. If you think it is crucial, then raise it. If you have to be cross examined at a contested hearing then so be it. It can sound very intimidating, but the barrister will just ask you questions and put your ex’s case to you. All you have to do is answer. Truthful witnesses always come across well.

Nobody wants to have to go through court proceedings, but you have to so what you think is best for your child. Don’t be scared, the other barrister and judge etc are just people. Call your solicitor tomorrow and tell them all of this and see what they say. You shouldn’t have to feel threatened by your ex, that’s not okay.

Mention it, he has no right to speculate that at all. You need a non molestation order, you need to protect yourself and your son sooner rather than later.

Thanks both for your help.

My ex's barrister frightened the life out of me. She was fierce and unrelenting. I have nothing to hide but fear she'll tear me apart if I'm cross examined. But how can I do written submissions if I'm not allowed to mention things which are DS lived experience. Would you advise me to do it?

I'm so angry with myself because I was advised when pregnant to take out a Non molestation order because of ex's threats if I didn't abort. I wish I'd trusted myself back then

**But how can I do written submissions if I'm not allowed to mention things which are DS lived experience

Well quite, that is exactly the issue. But you must have discussed this with your solicitor when you agreed it and narrowed the issues. However, you can now argue that things have changed due to his threatening behaviour since and you have altered your position. Your solicitor can write to his and the court to explain this and the court can make directions or list for a further hearing to look at it.

Don’t beat yourself up about what’s done, you can only take control of what you do now and it is all perfectly fixable. Plus, courts tend to make non mols for a year rather than indefinitely so even if you had got one, it is likely it would have expired by now.

Trust your instincts and make sure the court knows everything you want it to know so it has all the facts when it makes a decision. Then you can live with whatever order it makes. Otherwise, you will always be thinking ‘it isn’t fair, the court didn’t hear about xyz and should have made a different ruling’. It’s not too late, don’t worry about it, just make sure you call your solicitor today to get moving. Good luck!