Was I in the wrong?

[ETanny]

It's been over two weeks since mum told me not to contact her ever again and I cant help but wonder if I should reach out especially now my kids are asking when we will be going to see Nanna again.

Two weeks ago my eldest turned 11. She had no card from my mum on her actual birthday even though I had been reminding her frequently in the lead up to it.
On DD's actual birthday I spoke to my mum who was more bothered about being lied to by my younger sister. I even said to her that DD had, had a good day and she didn't acknowledge what I said so decided to leave it at that.

The next day she called to ask for my address (I've lived here 6.5yrs!) So she could post DD's cards. I calmly ask her why she never called, she said she forgot and I know what she's like. (Since my dad died 5yrs ago she claims her memory is bad, she refuses to get help etc) and I told her that, that wasn't a good enough reason. She tells me she's my mother and I can't speak to her like that and she hung up on me.

I send her a text saying I was not going to apologize as I felt my daughter had been let down, that I feel my children are always an after thought. That I doubt she'd forgot any other grandkids birthday.

After a few back and forth texts she tells me "FU and not to ring her anymore as she's my mother and I can't talk to her like shit"

AIBU by calling her out? Should I have just stayed quiet?

YANBU what's the point in posting a card after DDs birthday especially if she hadn't bothered asking for your ssdress before. I think you need to let her stew for a bit as you've indicated that it's not an isolated incident or a reciprocal relationship. She's probably expecting you to go running so just sit tight and see what she does.

I’d be sitting and waiting for an apology if I were you. I imagine this isn’t the first time she’s been forgetful when it comes to your DD if your reaction was as you’ve stated above.

What was she like before your Dad's death?

I lost my DH, but I was in my late 30's and had three young children to deal with, but I still behaved out of character.

My neighbour in her early 60's is like a former shadow of herself. The physical difference is staggering. Volunteering is keeping her going, but she's barely there.

Also, how much support did she get?

What was the issue with your Sister?

Do any of you have a nice word to say to her?

Tbh I think it was a bit unecessary to tell her off for forgetting and say her reason wasn’t good enough. People make mistakes and forget to do stuff - even if they generally have good memories. Have you never forgotten anything?
I would apologise for how you spoke to her and hopefully she will do the same.

If you normally have a reasonable relationship then I think YABU to make her feel bad about forgetting your DD's birthday and telling her that her excuse 'wasn't good enough'

I can understand your annoyance but it seems a very trivial thing to end up going NC over

I wouldn't let this fester. Families argue, parents and their adult children argue. You have good reason to be upset in your DC behalf but heyho your DM forgets / is disorganised. Unless you know she's the type to apologize you're setting yourself up for a prolonged falling out if you wait for that 'never coming' apology

My parents have done far worse and never apologised. I expect so have I according to tum, ( but I tend to apologise)

I'd stay quiet for a week or two, then let it go & move on/get back in touch without mentioning it. Life's too short to be estranged from your Mum (unless she's abusive)

When I was a teenager she was going through the menopause so there was a lot of issues between a menopausal woman and a hormonal teenager. I moved out at 16 and things had gotten better.

Before my dad died she was on top of things, never missed or forgot anything.

I had reminded her plenty of times in the weeks leading up to DD's birthday that it was coming up so she had fair warning, it's not like I sprang it on her the day before.

As for my sister, My mum was supposed to come and see her and my sister told her not to bother going as she was taking her daughter's to a kids party and she didn't want my mum to go with her as she didn't think she'd like it and she wanted her eldest to be able to enjoy herself in-between hospital appointments (she has incurable cancer) I sympathize d with my mum while she was telling me this but as soon as she had got her ranting out she basically finished our chats before I could really get any thing in.

Honestly, it's not my choice to go NC. I even spoke to my sister who said give her a course of days and she will apologise as that's what she does to her but here I am two weeks later and... Nothing.